Raised by a sociopath.
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Location: Toronto
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Raised by a sociopath.
My parents were both doctors. My father was a great Coroner. My mother was just devoid of empathy. She was a good doctor. A GP who treated many girls I went to high school with. A female doctor who specializes in STD'S and birth control is hard to find for a teenager.
I didn't know anything about what they wanted to talk about. Private. I respected that. Girls in high school would ask me if I could get an appointment with my mother all the time. I would get them an appointment within 2 days.
A young woman feels more comfortable with a female doctor obviously.
I was suffering from ADHD that was undiagnosed until age 35. I pleaded for help for 10 years. Said I was just lazy.
Many of the girls in high school later had thanked me for arranging their appointment. My mother was a good doctor. Terrible alcoholic at home.
She is dead now and I wonder why she never referred me to a 'specialist' for ADHD when I had all the symptoms.
Went to rehab for inpatient addiction to alcohol for 5 weeks. Under the care of a psychiatrist with many support staff including a psychologist. This was a very professional rehab centre.
The specialists were shocked why my parents had just ignored me and watched me spiral down and lose everything. I scored off the scales on 5 weeks of observation.
Mom never cared. Drunk every night. I have lost absolutely everything. Hippocratic oath is a farce....
I didn't know anything about what they wanted to talk about. Private. I respected that. Girls in high school would ask me if I could get an appointment with my mother all the time. I would get them an appointment within 2 days.
A young woman feels more comfortable with a female doctor obviously.
I was suffering from ADHD that was undiagnosed until age 35. I pleaded for help for 10 years. Said I was just lazy.
Many of the girls in high school later had thanked me for arranging their appointment. My mother was a good doctor. Terrible alcoholic at home.
She is dead now and I wonder why she never referred me to a 'specialist' for ADHD when I had all the symptoms.
Went to rehab for inpatient addiction to alcohol for 5 weeks. Under the care of a psychiatrist with many support staff including a psychologist. This was a very professional rehab centre.
The specialists were shocked why my parents had just ignored me and watched me spiral down and lose everything. I scored off the scales on 5 weeks of observation.
Mom never cared. Drunk every night. I have lost absolutely everything. Hippocratic oath is a farce....
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Exactly! Her image was all that mattered to her. She died from cancer from just over a year ago. She knew she was dying and I only found out she had cancer when she already in palliative care and pretty much dead.
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I loved my mom. She didn't love anybody but herself. Just got a phone call from my father saying she is dead. No empathy for me. No call about the fact she had only a few days to live.
There was no funeral. Her gig was up!
There was no funeral. Her gig was up!
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As a doctor she may have felt she should be able to fix everything medical/psychological? Went into denial. I've noticed a lot of doctors with inflated egos. 
Maybe she felt a failure, went into denial and got drunk. Then you got drunk as a result of her ego and inability to recognise her own presumed failings?
I hope you are seeing a good therapist WL. This stuff takes work. Good you are sober.
Maybe she felt a failure, went into denial and got drunk. Then you got drunk as a result of her ego and inability to recognise her own presumed failings?
I hope you are seeing a good therapist WL. This stuff takes work. Good you are sober.
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My sister is a Canadian diplomat who is currently living in Brussels, Belgium. She has two little boys. My mother's last request was to see her grandsons. They hopped on a plane and took a trans-Atlantic flight and were there for her last dying moments.
I didn't even know they were in Toronto. That hurts. All because I accused my mother of being an alcoholic about 10 years ago. Never spoke to me again. She was drinking every night
Never wanted help. I was exiled. Her own doctor friends even tried to give her an intervention. My poor dad and father were just under her stupid spell.
I didn't even know they were in Toronto. That hurts. All because I accused my mother of being an alcoholic about 10 years ago. Never spoke to me again. She was drinking every night
Never wanted help. I was exiled. Her own doctor friends even tried to give her an intervention. My poor dad and father were just under her stupid spell.
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It really does hurt WL.
I have somewhat similar in that my mother scattered my father's ashes into the Pacific Ocean without telling me. She invited other family members and knew how much I loved my father. It really hurt.
It feels good to be able to transcend it. Learning to.
I have somewhat similar in that my mother scattered my father's ashes into the Pacific Ocean without telling me. She invited other family members and knew how much I loved my father. It really hurt.
It feels good to be able to transcend it. Learning to.
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I feel your pain. My mother never wanted me, as they already had 4 kids. So I didn't exist for her. My dad tried his best and I loved him for that. I never loved her but was the one who took care of her in her dementia years. As for the rest of my family. I still pretty much don't exist. At this point, I'm ok with that. My grandchildren have been the light of my life and I am grateful. Hope you can make a life.
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I'm sorry WL. It's obviously very painful for you.
The way I look at it you're a good guy - whatever was going on in your parents heads was their problem.
You are not what they thought you were/are - you're so much more.
I hope you can come to accept that and not carry the burden of other peoples misguided, wrong or just plain cruel ideas.
We can transcend the past, as Steely said - and not drinking is a fundamental part of that transcendent journey, I think.
D
The way I look at it you're a good guy - whatever was going on in your parents heads was their problem.
You are not what they thought you were/are - you're so much more.
I hope you can come to accept that and not carry the burden of other peoples misguided, wrong or just plain cruel ideas.
We can transcend the past, as Steely said - and not drinking is a fundamental part of that transcendent journey, I think.
D
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That is painful stuff WL. I am so sorry. I was raised in a family that should have raised cobras, not children and it hurt for so many years. I had to let that go my friend. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done. Much harder than stopping the drink. I finally let the resentment go and then I stopped drinking shortly after that. The pain that I didn't have the tools to deal with kept me drinking I think. But I finally concluded that my life was rushing by. I unloaded the backpack, left it by the side of the road, and walked away from it. We will always have some pain dearest WL, but making sure it is right-sized and in its proper place in our heads is key. Peace and healing to you friend.
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It seems like you are either drinking or are triggering drinking by these ruminations WL.
My alcoholic mother was the biggest trigger in my life, so I finally had to let go and forgive to heal. Endlessly thinking of the wrongs done us by parents can destroy our present and future.
What are you doing to actively move past this?
My alcoholic mother was the biggest trigger in my life, so I finally had to let go and forgive to heal. Endlessly thinking of the wrongs done us by parents can destroy our present and future.
What are you doing to actively move past this?
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
Why give a toxic family that power over your destiny?
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WL, I really am sorry for your pain. As much as we want and need our parents to love and validate us, it doesn't always happen. It didn't happen for me, either. I hope these words help:
Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.” Oprah
Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.” Oprah
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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I'll never understand my parents -- my mother's coldness, my father's mood swings. I know about his family history and her barbituates, but how it all fell down on me?
Because I'm sober, I can deal with memories of them. They were deeply flawed humans, and I have been too. We all have our own bag of rocks.
The bottle is dragging you down. I hope you let it go.
Because I'm sober, I can deal with memories of them. They were deeply flawed humans, and I have been too. We all have our own bag of rocks.
The bottle is dragging you down. I hope you let it go.
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