Six months
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Germany
Posts: 210
Six months
Six months sober, time for facts.
I'm doing great! Way too great to keep this short, but I will try. Basically my sobriety regimen only changed marginally since my first weeks: therapy and group-CBT, some meetings here and there. Other than that, quite a lot has changed.
I never lived my life as intensively as in the last six months. To be calm, to be curious again is simply like a little miracle to me. I doubt I was more than a cynical automaton fuelled by alcohol half a year ago. Whatever I did, I did it because it's something you should do. Sports, playing the violin, learning a language, having a healthy diet etc... And I carried everything out like an alcoholic. Mindlessly, automatically, excessively.
When I quit boozing I wasn't at rock bottom, there was no car accident or hospitalisation, I had simply got used to drinking bottle after bottle of wine (alongside a schnaps here and there in my last days) whilst I fine-tuned vitriolic monologues, completely alone. And so my plan for the 1st of September 2019 was drinking and watching some WWII-commemorations and documentaries. Quitting was not on the agenda. For some reason, I started reading thread after thread on this forum, old threads, new threads. After some hours I fell into despair. I registered and wrote for the first time, what I am, an alcoholic.
I was emotional when I hit the submit button, the first reply I received set something in motion that is active to this very moment. I have never reached out before, I felt so isolated, and there was someone from Canada wishing me well. I lost it, called a friend and told her everything. Then I called my eldest brother and another friend. From that moment on I was run by the conviction, that this will work. I couldn't be anything else than honest, everything seemed to fall into place swiftly. Nobody wants me to have problems, it took me a while to grasp that.
I feel sheltered to this very day. This feeling and a neurotic fright to drink again gave me an easy start into sobriety. Needless to say, I had to change a lot and, boy, did I want to change.
So, where am I today? Around one and a half thoughts away from drinking, I guess. Whenever I'm invited to something the lights go on in my mind barking "BOOZING TIME!!". I couldn't care less. To this day I avoid everything with alcohol involved, dinners, parties, I treat the alcohol section of supermarkets like a red light district. And I won't change an iota of my approach. I'm so fine with my life.
Is there any advice I could give with my meager six months? Maybe one.
When I said "the day I quit", it is a bit of a half-truth. The honest way to phrase it would be "something in me quit for me". I was clearly sitting in the backseat watching me in astonishment calling friends, entering a therapist's office, talking to my boss etc. etc.. Now, my friends from AA call that "my spiritual me", my therapist the final manifestation of will. My CBT-therapist (bless her) suggested that I sit more often in that backseat and just let it happen. Now.
And she didn't waste a minute. Since I'm very communicative, but on the other hand rather reclusive (what she calls Morbus Calimero) she suggested charity work, teaching foreigners German, something I have never done before ("Ein kleiner Mann", but then "Der kleine_ Mann". I mean, seriously?). I applied for the job, went there two weeks later, knocked on the door and introduced myself to the class.
On Christmas, I had lunch with my brothers. I haven't seen my middle brother for 20 years (reason: hate), his kids just knew me from pictures. I was shaking when I rang the bell.
Yes, my advice is simple: If you want to change, get used to jumping into cold water. Shut up, just jump. Do something. Same with drinking, once you feel the urge to stop drinking, don't hesitate: Stop now, this is the best moment, there won't be a better one. There's a life waiting for you. Go and get it.
Fact I: I'm at the very beginning of recovery.
Fact II: You guys have no clue how much you helped me!
I'm doing great! Way too great to keep this short, but I will try. Basically my sobriety regimen only changed marginally since my first weeks: therapy and group-CBT, some meetings here and there. Other than that, quite a lot has changed.
I never lived my life as intensively as in the last six months. To be calm, to be curious again is simply like a little miracle to me. I doubt I was more than a cynical automaton fuelled by alcohol half a year ago. Whatever I did, I did it because it's something you should do. Sports, playing the violin, learning a language, having a healthy diet etc... And I carried everything out like an alcoholic. Mindlessly, automatically, excessively.
When I quit boozing I wasn't at rock bottom, there was no car accident or hospitalisation, I had simply got used to drinking bottle after bottle of wine (alongside a schnaps here and there in my last days) whilst I fine-tuned vitriolic monologues, completely alone. And so my plan for the 1st of September 2019 was drinking and watching some WWII-commemorations and documentaries. Quitting was not on the agenda. For some reason, I started reading thread after thread on this forum, old threads, new threads. After some hours I fell into despair. I registered and wrote for the first time, what I am, an alcoholic.
I was emotional when I hit the submit button, the first reply I received set something in motion that is active to this very moment. I have never reached out before, I felt so isolated, and there was someone from Canada wishing me well. I lost it, called a friend and told her everything. Then I called my eldest brother and another friend. From that moment on I was run by the conviction, that this will work. I couldn't be anything else than honest, everything seemed to fall into place swiftly. Nobody wants me to have problems, it took me a while to grasp that.
I feel sheltered to this very day. This feeling and a neurotic fright to drink again gave me an easy start into sobriety. Needless to say, I had to change a lot and, boy, did I want to change.
So, where am I today? Around one and a half thoughts away from drinking, I guess. Whenever I'm invited to something the lights go on in my mind barking "BOOZING TIME!!". I couldn't care less. To this day I avoid everything with alcohol involved, dinners, parties, I treat the alcohol section of supermarkets like a red light district. And I won't change an iota of my approach. I'm so fine with my life.
Is there any advice I could give with my meager six months? Maybe one.
When I said "the day I quit", it is a bit of a half-truth. The honest way to phrase it would be "something in me quit for me". I was clearly sitting in the backseat watching me in astonishment calling friends, entering a therapist's office, talking to my boss etc. etc.. Now, my friends from AA call that "my spiritual me", my therapist the final manifestation of will. My CBT-therapist (bless her) suggested that I sit more often in that backseat and just let it happen. Now.
And she didn't waste a minute. Since I'm very communicative, but on the other hand rather reclusive (what she calls Morbus Calimero) she suggested charity work, teaching foreigners German, something I have never done before ("Ein kleiner Mann", but then "Der kleine_ Mann". I mean, seriously?). I applied for the job, went there two weeks later, knocked on the door and introduced myself to the class.
On Christmas, I had lunch with my brothers. I haven't seen my middle brother for 20 years (reason: hate), his kids just knew me from pictures. I was shaking when I rang the bell.
Yes, my advice is simple: If you want to change, get used to jumping into cold water. Shut up, just jump. Do something. Same with drinking, once you feel the urge to stop drinking, don't hesitate: Stop now, this is the best moment, there won't be a better one. There's a life waiting for you. Go and get it.
Fact I: I'm at the very beginning of recovery.
Fact II: You guys have no clue how much you helped me!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Wow great post! And massive congrats. My journey feels similar, not really following any specific programme, just listening to myself as I go, learning new things about myself and the world every day, as sobriety just becomes the new way of life. And of course anyone can let it become so for them. Many thanks for your posts and avatars 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
Originally Posted by Ravel 
I had simply got used to drinking bottle after bottle of wine (alongside a schnaps here and there in my last days) whilst I fine-tuned vitriolic monologues, completely alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Congrats on your first six months! I don’t know exactly what, but something extraordinary happened to you six months ago. Whatever it was, call it enlightenment, an epiphany, “ein Wink des Schicksals”, it was beautiful and set you on a wonderful path.
Keep the posts coming, I enjoy them tremendously!
Keep the posts coming, I enjoy them tremendously!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
I printed your message and the diagram. I have read it several times. While I cannot relate direclty to your story it is so inspiring.
I love the part of your drawing where you add obstacles to the course that are faced by others when we quit. It shows a lot of insight (as the rest of your post) that you are aware of how your change of behaviour has impacted others too. Thank you!
I love the part of your drawing where you add obstacles to the course that are faced by others when we quit. It shows a lot of insight (as the rest of your post) that you are aware of how your change of behaviour has impacted others too. Thank you!
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