Issues with 12 steps and alternatives
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 16
Issues with 12 steps and alternatives
I hope this post wont come across as derogatory, it certainly isn't my intent, but I would like to encourage a discussion about the 12 step program, its pros and cons, and what alternatives are available or indeed is sobriety possible without any support or rehabs at all.
I attended AA and NA meetings for a couple of years where I had a sponsor, did step work etc. My initial enthusiasm for 12 step meetings quite quickly faded as I never really felt at home in the rooms and had (and still have) the following issues....
1. The Higher Power - I was unable to take on board the idea that God or some other self picked spiritual entity was guiding me in sobriety.
(On more than one occasion members suggested I was unable to identify my HP because I wasn't committed enough to sobriety.)
2. The disease ethos - Whilst addiction has many symptoms of a disease I don't believe addiction is a disease. Addiction begins and ultimately ends with a choice. Cancer, for example, doesn't.
3. The 12 Steps - An extremely prescriptive regimen which must be adhered to exactly with little room for individual interpretation and with many steps based around the 'Higher Power'.
4. Resentments - Step 4 hones in on resentments and makes the assumption all addicts use on resent, bitterness and other negative feelings. My sponsor got so stuck on this with me and refused to believe I had (and still have) no resentments to the point we argued about it.
5. Damaged goods - The idea that all addicts are in some way permanently damaged by trauma or some terrible experience from the past. This isn't always the case and it isn't in my case.
6. Quotes and Chants - I heard stock phrases, idioms and slogans in three different continents many of which were the kind of turn of phrase you might find on a poster on a teenage kids bedroom wall.
7. Keyrings and Chips vs Just For Today - Each meeting begins with talking about the newest member being the most important in the room yet would end with 'claps and whoops and hugs' for sobriety time, the longer the time the bigger the cheers. It seemed like a contradiction to me and I could never see my sobriety as some source of pride like it was a great achievement.
8. Individuals - Whilst many members were agreeable some were insane and a liability. Others were cliquey, arrogant, dismissive and boastful of both their using and their sobriety.
9. Friends of Bill - I often listened to addicts talk about how special addicts were and at many meetings I sensed a smug atmosphere like a bunch of kids in a special super secret club with a secret handshake.
10. Powerlessness - the idea that an addict has absolutely no concept or power over what they are doing seems to shirk any sense of responsibility of ones actions. It wasn't me. It was the addict me.
11. Anti 'geographical' - Doing a geographical, as it is called, is seen as running away and something that 'doesnt work' yet this isn't true. I moved to a new place after getting clean as did many people I know. And it worked.
12. My name is x and I am an addict - this empty statement, along with 'keep coming back', seems to be designed to keep people stranded in recovery for the rest of their lives when surely, deep down, addicts just want to move on.
And no my inner addict isn't in the other room doing press ups. This ethos reminds me of the line from Hotel California
'We are programmed to receive.
You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'
Thanks for reading.
Please discuss or suggest alternative ways to sobriety. For me, as stated, I had a nerve injury (after passing out on heroin) that left me in agony for 8 months. I ended up living with my parents again and had no money and no way of transport. During this period I lost my physical addiction.
After I recovered from the injury I decided not to return to my former location and life and I did a geographical. I got a new career, a new partner in a new country. A total do over. And it has worked ever since. I don't practice total abstinence either but I never drink more than a beer, at home and alone after work. After many years of addiction and about 5 years of trying it was really quite simple in the end and it can be for you too.
My name is Khmu Nation and I used to be a heroin addict.
I attended AA and NA meetings for a couple of years where I had a sponsor, did step work etc. My initial enthusiasm for 12 step meetings quite quickly faded as I never really felt at home in the rooms and had (and still have) the following issues....
1. The Higher Power - I was unable to take on board the idea that God or some other self picked spiritual entity was guiding me in sobriety.
(On more than one occasion members suggested I was unable to identify my HP because I wasn't committed enough to sobriety.)
2. The disease ethos - Whilst addiction has many symptoms of a disease I don't believe addiction is a disease. Addiction begins and ultimately ends with a choice. Cancer, for example, doesn't.
3. The 12 Steps - An extremely prescriptive regimen which must be adhered to exactly with little room for individual interpretation and with many steps based around the 'Higher Power'.
4. Resentments - Step 4 hones in on resentments and makes the assumption all addicts use on resent, bitterness and other negative feelings. My sponsor got so stuck on this with me and refused to believe I had (and still have) no resentments to the point we argued about it.
5. Damaged goods - The idea that all addicts are in some way permanently damaged by trauma or some terrible experience from the past. This isn't always the case and it isn't in my case.
6. Quotes and Chants - I heard stock phrases, idioms and slogans in three different continents many of which were the kind of turn of phrase you might find on a poster on a teenage kids bedroom wall.
7. Keyrings and Chips vs Just For Today - Each meeting begins with talking about the newest member being the most important in the room yet would end with 'claps and whoops and hugs' for sobriety time, the longer the time the bigger the cheers. It seemed like a contradiction to me and I could never see my sobriety as some source of pride like it was a great achievement.
8. Individuals - Whilst many members were agreeable some were insane and a liability. Others were cliquey, arrogant, dismissive and boastful of both their using and their sobriety.
9. Friends of Bill - I often listened to addicts talk about how special addicts were and at many meetings I sensed a smug atmosphere like a bunch of kids in a special super secret club with a secret handshake.
10. Powerlessness - the idea that an addict has absolutely no concept or power over what they are doing seems to shirk any sense of responsibility of ones actions. It wasn't me. It was the addict me.
11. Anti 'geographical' - Doing a geographical, as it is called, is seen as running away and something that 'doesnt work' yet this isn't true. I moved to a new place after getting clean as did many people I know. And it worked.
12. My name is x and I am an addict - this empty statement, along with 'keep coming back', seems to be designed to keep people stranded in recovery for the rest of their lives when surely, deep down, addicts just want to move on.
And no my inner addict isn't in the other room doing press ups. This ethos reminds me of the line from Hotel California
'We are programmed to receive.
You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'
Thanks for reading.
Please discuss or suggest alternative ways to sobriety. For me, as stated, I had a nerve injury (after passing out on heroin) that left me in agony for 8 months. I ended up living with my parents again and had no money and no way of transport. During this period I lost my physical addiction.
After I recovered from the injury I decided not to return to my former location and life and I did a geographical. I got a new career, a new partner in a new country. A total do over. And it has worked ever since. I don't practice total abstinence either but I never drink more than a beer, at home and alone after work. After many years of addiction and about 5 years of trying it was really quite simple in the end and it can be for you too.
My name is Khmu Nation and I used to be a heroin addict.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 16
Horn95 - also you say it works for you yet you are back 'after a recent relapse' so clearly it doesn't work for you as if it did you wouldn't have relapsed.
The program will be exactly the same as it was when you last went as the program is static and unchanging so how is it going to work this time? What is going to be different?
Nothing. But YOU. Not the program. YOU. You have the power to change. You aren't powerless and you don't need an imaginary friend (HP) to help you.
YOU are in control.
The program will be exactly the same as it was when you last went as the program is static and unchanging so how is it going to work this time? What is going to be different?
Nothing. But YOU. Not the program. YOU. You have the power to change. You aren't powerless and you don't need an imaginary friend (HP) to help you.
YOU are in control.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi Khmu 
There are many methods at play here. AA, NA, SMART lifering, Refuge Recovery, SOS, WFS, Rational Recovery, Celebrate Recovery to name a few. Other of us went to our doctor or counsellor and some went to some kind of rehab.
Still more of us, like me, quit without any kind of a prescribed programme.
most of the programmes I mentioned are in this link.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...formation.html (Recovery Programs and Resources Information)
We don't usually allow 'recovery method debates' here in the Newcomers forum simply because we (Anna and I, the forum mods) believe that topics on what works are more helpful that those that focus on what doesn't work...but I know you're new and I like this focus
so we'll see how the thread pans out
You may be interested in our secular forums - but be aware that discussion of 12 step programmes is off topic in the secular forums.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/#secular-recovery
welcome aboard
D
There are many methods at play here. AA, NA, SMART lifering, Refuge Recovery, SOS, WFS, Rational Recovery, Celebrate Recovery to name a few. Other of us went to our doctor or counsellor and some went to some kind of rehab.
Still more of us, like me, quit without any kind of a prescribed programme.
most of the programmes I mentioned are in this link.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...formation.html (Recovery Programs and Resources Information)
We don't usually allow 'recovery method debates' here in the Newcomers forum simply because we (Anna and I, the forum mods) believe that topics on what works are more helpful that those that focus on what doesn't work...but I know you're new and I like this focus
I am more interested in starting a discussion on achieving sobriety in other ways.
You may be interested in our secular forums - but be aware that discussion of 12 step programmes is off topic in the secular forums.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/#secular-recovery
welcome aboard
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by KhmuNation 
Horn95 - also you say it works for you yet you are back 'after a recent relapse' so clearly it doesn't work for you as if it did you wouldn't have relapsed.
The program will be exactly the same as it was when you last went as the program is static and unchanging so how is it going to work this time? What is going to be different?
Nothing. But YOU. Not the program. YOU. You have the power to change. You aren't powerless and you don't need an imaginary friend (HP) to help you.
YOU are in control.
The program will be exactly the same as it was when you last went as the program is static and unchanging so how is it going to work this time? What is going to be different?
Nothing. But YOU. Not the program. YOU. You have the power to change. You aren't powerless and you don't need an imaginary friend (HP) to help you.
YOU are in control.
I am also checking out something called Refuge Recovery. It is a Buddhist based recovery program. Also heard good things about SMART recovery — it basically CBT approach to recovery. I will get all the help I can.
What I have learned is that prolonged drinking changes our brain making proper decisions difficult. That is why quitting drinking very difficult.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Originally Posted by Derringer
Aside from your 12 objections to the 12 steps ... I dunno why it didn't click with you. 
If you want to start another thread here anytime on the approaches that are working for you KN, or even just the ones that interest you, go for it.
Dee
Administrator
SR
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