Struggling
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Struggling
I’m struggling today.
I’ve been doing so well, with lightbulbs going off all over the place. I had a big revelation last week where I realised that if I am happy with my recovery and that my motives are true to my beliefs, then if someone else has a problem with my actions or words, then it’s their problem. Not only am I getting the Serenity Prayer and looking at, and working on, what is mine to change, but I also realise that if someone else is trying to change ME, then that is their problem to deal with.
Putting it into practice is a different matter.
Last night I went to an al-anon meeting. It was the first one I’d been to where a lot of people were sitting squarely on the pity pot. I was getting really annoyed (internally!!) about this until I thought about what I could learn. It made me sit up and recognise just how far I have come in recovery in quite a short space of time. Some of these women have been going to meetings for a long time and their stories made me see how easy it is to become complacent and not work the programme. See – I’m learning!!
After I’d been home for 10 minutes, my A b/f returned from his AA meeting. He had plucked up the courage to ask someone to be his sponsor and had been turned down because the sponsor felt that he was too tough for my A b/f. My b/f has BIG issues with rejection and, in hindsight, I should have realised what a trigger this would be. We have been getting on great and speaking quite light-heartedly about our respective recoveries and in the course of the conversation about sponsors, I made a less than tactful comment. I said that he could do with a tough sponsor, because “you’re good at bullshitting”. AAAGGGHHH! I let myself get too comfortable with our conversations and didn’t realise the impact of my words until they were out of my mouth. What I meant by that was that he had become good (when he was drinking) at convincing me, himself and others of things other than reality and that maybe a challenging sponsor was a good thing. We have talked at length about this in the recent past and I assumed (oops) that this was a topic on the “OK” list. I said, and meant, that I was sorry, but he couldn’t accept my apology.
I then added fuel to the fire by forgetting that he’d wanted to say something to me and getting up to go to bed. I know that this was wrong of me, and I apologised again. I’m tired – aren’t I allowed to make mistakes and say sorry? When I apologised, my b/f then told me the moment and gone and he didn’t want to say anything anymore, so I went to get ready for bed. He then followed me upstairs complaining that I never listen to him and I again apologised and gave him the opportunity to say what was on his mind. He declined, preferring to talk about why I had rejected him. Anyway, this escalated into a prolonged “heated discussion”. I have a boundary that I won’t have heavy conversations late at night, because I am too tired to be able to think properly and express my thoughts in the way in which I would like. But, of course, because I wouldn’t enter into these discussions, I was fuelling the feelings of rejection in my b/f. So the conversations were rapidly spiralling downwards and turned into one of those talks that used to happen when he was drinking.
My problem is that I struggle with putting my recovery into practice when things get difficult. If I say that I don’t want to talk this late at night, I’m an unfeeling cow. If I enter into conversations when I don’t want to, I’m compromising my recovery. If I don’t enter the conversations, I am rejecting him. I am told on the one hand that he respects me recovery, then tells me to be a human and not throw all that co-dependent stuff at him. I felt like everything that was being said by him was an attempt to change me, which I don’t appreciate. I know that I gave away my serenity last night and, of course, have compounded the problem by being tired today.
I will add that I am probably slightly on edge at the moment because there are a few things that I have seen recently that have triggered thoughts that he is drinking again. I am not going looking for them, and I am detaching as best I can and am proud of the way that I am handling it. However, I do realise that I may be withdrawing a little at the moment.
Does this get easier with practice?
I’ve been doing so well, with lightbulbs going off all over the place. I had a big revelation last week where I realised that if I am happy with my recovery and that my motives are true to my beliefs, then if someone else has a problem with my actions or words, then it’s their problem. Not only am I getting the Serenity Prayer and looking at, and working on, what is mine to change, but I also realise that if someone else is trying to change ME, then that is their problem to deal with.
Putting it into practice is a different matter.
Last night I went to an al-anon meeting. It was the first one I’d been to where a lot of people were sitting squarely on the pity pot. I was getting really annoyed (internally!!) about this until I thought about what I could learn. It made me sit up and recognise just how far I have come in recovery in quite a short space of time. Some of these women have been going to meetings for a long time and their stories made me see how easy it is to become complacent and not work the programme. See – I’m learning!!
After I’d been home for 10 minutes, my A b/f returned from his AA meeting. He had plucked up the courage to ask someone to be his sponsor and had been turned down because the sponsor felt that he was too tough for my A b/f. My b/f has BIG issues with rejection and, in hindsight, I should have realised what a trigger this would be. We have been getting on great and speaking quite light-heartedly about our respective recoveries and in the course of the conversation about sponsors, I made a less than tactful comment. I said that he could do with a tough sponsor, because “you’re good at bullshitting”. AAAGGGHHH! I let myself get too comfortable with our conversations and didn’t realise the impact of my words until they were out of my mouth. What I meant by that was that he had become good (when he was drinking) at convincing me, himself and others of things other than reality and that maybe a challenging sponsor was a good thing. We have talked at length about this in the recent past and I assumed (oops) that this was a topic on the “OK” list. I said, and meant, that I was sorry, but he couldn’t accept my apology.
I then added fuel to the fire by forgetting that he’d wanted to say something to me and getting up to go to bed. I know that this was wrong of me, and I apologised again. I’m tired – aren’t I allowed to make mistakes and say sorry? When I apologised, my b/f then told me the moment and gone and he didn’t want to say anything anymore, so I went to get ready for bed. He then followed me upstairs complaining that I never listen to him and I again apologised and gave him the opportunity to say what was on his mind. He declined, preferring to talk about why I had rejected him. Anyway, this escalated into a prolonged “heated discussion”. I have a boundary that I won’t have heavy conversations late at night, because I am too tired to be able to think properly and express my thoughts in the way in which I would like. But, of course, because I wouldn’t enter into these discussions, I was fuelling the feelings of rejection in my b/f. So the conversations were rapidly spiralling downwards and turned into one of those talks that used to happen when he was drinking.
My problem is that I struggle with putting my recovery into practice when things get difficult. If I say that I don’t want to talk this late at night, I’m an unfeeling cow. If I enter into conversations when I don’t want to, I’m compromising my recovery. If I don’t enter the conversations, I am rejecting him. I am told on the one hand that he respects me recovery, then tells me to be a human and not throw all that co-dependent stuff at him. I felt like everything that was being said by him was an attempt to change me, which I don’t appreciate. I know that I gave away my serenity last night and, of course, have compounded the problem by being tired today.
I will add that I am probably slightly on edge at the moment because there are a few things that I have seen recently that have triggered thoughts that he is drinking again. I am not going looking for them, and I am detaching as best I can and am proud of the way that I am handling it. However, I do realise that I may be withdrawing a little at the moment.
Does this get easier with practice?
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
MINNIE!!! Thank you so much for posting that!! Knowing I'm not the only one is like putting on a fluffy pair of slippers!!
I hope to hell I'm getting better, neither me or my hubby are involved with AA but the principles of respect for each other are ones we've both believed in for a long time. All that said I've done some awful things - at the time it wasn't my intention to hurt but I could and should have showed more concern. I'll pm you the worst one - I can nearly garauntee it'll make you feel better about mistakes, I'm really too ashamed to put it here.
I reckon until the day I wake up perfect - it'll happen, I'll do things that ARE wrong and that DO hurt. I think (for me) all I can do is extend the forgiveness I'd like to get from my husband to him. I also know he'll get things wrong and hurt me, that he can no more avoid it than I can. As long as I keep trying to learn and as long as I apply the same thinking to us both then - for now, that's as good as I can get!
I hope to hell I'm getting better, neither me or my hubby are involved with AA but the principles of respect for each other are ones we've both believed in for a long time. All that said I've done some awful things - at the time it wasn't my intention to hurt but I could and should have showed more concern. I'll pm you the worst one - I can nearly garauntee it'll make you feel better about mistakes, I'm really too ashamed to put it here.
I reckon until the day I wake up perfect - it'll happen, I'll do things that ARE wrong and that DO hurt. I think (for me) all I can do is extend the forgiveness I'd like to get from my husband to him. I also know he'll get things wrong and hurt me, that he can no more avoid it than I can. As long as I keep trying to learn and as long as I apply the same thinking to us both then - for now, that's as good as I can get!
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(((((((Minnie)))))))
I just want you to know that I am thinking about you. I have a feeling that this is going to be something that we are going to have to work on our whole lives. You have come so far.........
I have always been one of those slow learners..............lol.........so i guess this will apply to recovery also.....it took me 39 years to think the way I do...........it is going to take a long time in recovery to adjust my thinking pattern.........to a more healthier way of thinking.
I think I have to really sit down and think, what is okay for me...........I had lightbulbs going off so often......it felt so enlightening to learn all these new Ideas and tools.........I really am smarter and stronger than i was six months ago.......and your strength has helped so many times...
Boy, I just read my post and i have thinking in there too much.........I need to pull the Thesaurus out.
Take care , God bless
Hugs
I just want you to know that I am thinking about you. I have a feeling that this is going to be something that we are going to have to work on our whole lives. You have come so far.........
I have always been one of those slow learners..............lol.........so i guess this will apply to recovery also.....it took me 39 years to think the way I do...........it is going to take a long time in recovery to adjust my thinking pattern.........to a more healthier way of thinking.
I think I have to really sit down and think, what is okay for me...........I had lightbulbs going off so often......it felt so enlightening to learn all these new Ideas and tools.........I really am smarter and stronger than i was six months ago.......and your strength has helped so many times...
Boy, I just read my post and i have thinking in there too much.........I need to pull the Thesaurus out.
Take care , God bless
Hugs
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Join Date: May 2004
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Thanks guys.
Still feeling like crap today, even after going swimming which usually cheers me up.
Sometimes, I just feel like it's such an uphill struggle. What is right for me is not necessarily right for my b/f and I have a hard time sticking up for myself. He makes out that I am so cold and uncaring, but in quite subtle ways so that when I mention it, he always says that he didn't mean it that way. So then I get stuck in that ridiculous circle of thought where I don't know what's real anymore.
It would be so much easier if I could recover without having the relationship stuff to deal with too............
Still feeling like crap today, even after going swimming which usually cheers me up.
Sometimes, I just feel like it's such an uphill struggle. What is right for me is not necessarily right for my b/f and I have a hard time sticking up for myself. He makes out that I am so cold and uncaring, but in quite subtle ways so that when I mention it, he always says that he didn't mean it that way. So then I get stuck in that ridiculous circle of thought where I don't know what's real anymore.
It would be so much easier if I could recover without having the relationship stuff to deal with too............
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Join Date: Oct 2004
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He makes out that I am so cold and uncaring, but in quite subtle ways so that when I mention it, he always says that he didn't mean it that way.
I read a website where they said always keep the dispute on the 'subject' not the person. The subject being making mistakes and it being ok to make mistakes, or actions that make you feel as though he's judging you. It helps me so much to try and think that way because it means we can deal with stuff without judging what's in each others hearts. The judging being to decide he's deliberately trying to paint you as cold, or actually thinks you shouldn't make any mistakes. That's the bit we never really know, even when there seems to be a ton of evidence.
I don't mean to accept whatever comes your way just to look at it in terms of the issue rather than the person. Does that make any sense?
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Oh equus, I know what you're saying. There's so much I understand intellectually, but when it comes to put it into practice it all goes out the window.
He's just phoned me after his counselling session to apologise for last night and to say how much he appreciates me, which is great.
How can I stop letting myself being used as a way of releasing frustrations? That's where all the talk of being cold and stuff comes from. He only says that because I'm not taking his pain away for him. I used to try and do that but I know now that I can't. Actually, I can, but that would mean not having an identity of my own and I'm not prepared to do that any more. I have started to find out who I am and I quite like this new me.
Lots to talk to my counsellor about tomorrow. Hope I make more sense then!
He's just phoned me after his counselling session to apologise for last night and to say how much he appreciates me, which is great.
How can I stop letting myself being used as a way of releasing frustrations? That's where all the talk of being cold and stuff comes from. He only says that because I'm not taking his pain away for him. I used to try and do that but I know now that I can't. Actually, I can, but that would mean not having an identity of my own and I'm not prepared to do that any more. I have started to find out who I am and I quite like this new me.
Lots to talk to my counsellor about tomorrow. Hope I make more sense then!
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Minnie...
Addictive dysfunctional behavior is first nature to lots of us. This is what we learned as children... so it's gonna take some time to ease those out of our lives and let the new, healthy ways become first nature.
I always have to remind myself that we are all acting out in our disease... but that doesn't negate the person I am or the person the other is.... and that both of us are children of God.. and are on equal standing as far as love goes.
Sometimes... even just expressing "Hey.. I'm sorry... I'm doing it again... and I can see I'm triggering you into behaving in the old ways as well." goes a long way to difuse a situation.
Addictive dysfunctional behavior is first nature to lots of us. This is what we learned as children... so it's gonna take some time to ease those out of our lives and let the new, healthy ways become first nature.
I always have to remind myself that we are all acting out in our disease... but that doesn't negate the person I am or the person the other is.... and that both of us are children of God.. and are on equal standing as far as love goes.
Sometimes... even just expressing "Hey.. I'm sorry... I'm doing it again... and I can see I'm triggering you into behaving in the old ways as well." goes a long way to difuse a situation.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Minnie,
It has gotten better for me. The first step is realizing what I am doing. That doesn't mean I am going to stop doing it. That is a hard place to be, to know what I am doing and not being able to fix it immediately. The good news is that slowly, I am able to put it into practice.
It's hard and confusing. What's his part, what's mine? Why do I have to accept my part when he doesn't? But staying focussed on me has helped me to find strength in myself, and made me a better person.
You don't have to feel bad about where you are. You are making progress. It's ok to be right where you are. It's ok to struggle. If you weren't, then you might have something to worry about. New things aren't comfortable. But they won't always be new and uncomfortable, if you keep trying. Hugs, Magic
It has gotten better for me. The first step is realizing what I am doing. That doesn't mean I am going to stop doing it. That is a hard place to be, to know what I am doing and not being able to fix it immediately. The good news is that slowly, I am able to put it into practice.
It's hard and confusing. What's his part, what's mine? Why do I have to accept my part when he doesn't? But staying focussed on me has helped me to find strength in myself, and made me a better person.
You don't have to feel bad about where you are. You are making progress. It's ok to be right where you are. It's ok to struggle. If you weren't, then you might have something to worry about. New things aren't comfortable. But they won't always be new and uncomfortable, if you keep trying. Hugs, Magic
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Magic and Bikewench, thank you.
You're right, I've got some growing pains and that's ok. I think I'm in a stage of "conscious incompetence" and it's frustrating me. So, the only way I can become competent is through practice.
Thank you everyone - my day is getting brighter now, even as the sun is going down!
You're right, I've got some growing pains and that's ok. I think I'm in a stage of "conscious incompetence" and it's frustrating me. So, the only way I can become competent is through practice.
Thank you everyone - my day is getting brighter now, even as the sun is going down!
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Carrollton TX
Posts: 466
(((((minnie)))))) - thanks for this post. This is how I feel all the time - I constantly struggle between being a good listener, trying to "fix" things with my oh so brilliant (haha) advise, and the exhaustion of discussing the same old thing over and over again. It does sound like you are communicating well - both of you, and mistakes will be made. I posted earlier about how AHs seem to think that while their disease snuck up on them and they are addressing it - we, on the other hand, should have been born with the inherent knowledge of how to handle their disease and all the issues, hurt, and problems that it inflicts. I feel like we are not entitled to make mistakes, or handle things poorly, or just be too tired to deal - we should know exactly the right thing to say, how to say it, and when to say it. It's like a no win situation! I have made much progress in letting go of the guilt I feel when I say something wrong, or at the wrong time, or int he wrong way - I am only human. This disease has brought me to the lowest point in my life, and just when I think I can't go lower, I do. So, I am back on the codep wagon again, and I will prevail, and keep working and working and working to get this right. But, you guys are all so right - it is a never ending journey...
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Hey there Minnie :-)
Sounds to me like you guys are doing just fine. Everything you mentiion is just normal "growing pains". You are both apologizing and doing your best to accept each others apologies. You are both doing your best to work your programs. Here's some ideas you guys may want to try out.
Flex the rules. You have certain subjects on the "Ok" list to discuss. But your list is "Ok" for all eternity. At this point in your recovery, you are both going thru a lot of changes. Yet your lists are not flexible. You might want to consider making the "OK" list a lot stricter, but just for this week. Next week certain subjects may have moved from "not OK" over to "OK".
Do you have a "later" list? That's where you put stuff that definetly needs to be discussed, but that is "too hot" to talk about _today_, and you don't know _when_ you will both be able to discuss it. So put it on the "later" list and let your HP worry about _when_.
Do you have a "not worth it" list? That's where you put minor irritants that have been building up over the years and have been eating at you and making you crazy. But if you look at those minor irritants closely, and compare them to everything else that's you need to work on, they're just really not worth all the effort. Put 'em on your "not worth it" list and don't _ever_ worry about them again.
There's also a "HP" list. That's where you put stuff that you _know_ you will _never_ be able to deal with, _never_ be able to be rational about. You put 'em on that list so your HP knows what things you can't do for yourself and need help with.
Lots of lists :-) Pick and you like and use liberally :-)
Mike :-)
Sounds to me like you guys are doing just fine. Everything you mentiion is just normal "growing pains". You are both apologizing and doing your best to accept each others apologies. You are both doing your best to work your programs. Here's some ideas you guys may want to try out.
Flex the rules. You have certain subjects on the "Ok" list to discuss. But your list is "Ok" for all eternity. At this point in your recovery, you are both going thru a lot of changes. Yet your lists are not flexible. You might want to consider making the "OK" list a lot stricter, but just for this week. Next week certain subjects may have moved from "not OK" over to "OK".
Do you have a "later" list? That's where you put stuff that definetly needs to be discussed, but that is "too hot" to talk about _today_, and you don't know _when_ you will both be able to discuss it. So put it on the "later" list and let your HP worry about _when_.
Do you have a "not worth it" list? That's where you put minor irritants that have been building up over the years and have been eating at you and making you crazy. But if you look at those minor irritants closely, and compare them to everything else that's you need to work on, they're just really not worth all the effort. Put 'em on your "not worth it" list and don't _ever_ worry about them again.
There's also a "HP" list. That's where you put stuff that you _know_ you will _never_ be able to deal with, _never_ be able to be rational about. You put 'em on that list so your HP knows what things you can't do for yourself and need help with.
Lots of lists :-) Pick and you like and use liberally :-)
Mike :-)
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Mike
Thanks for the tips. Funnily enough, I do practice some of these, but i didn't realise it. I certainly have a "not worth it" list and a "HP" list. And a "later" list. Still working on communicating the OK and "not OK" lists, though!! But these lists are not discussed between us as yet. Maybe they don't need to be..........
We had a good talk this evening about what had happened yesterday. I am thanking my HP that my b/f was at his counsellor today so that he could get stuff off his chest to her. He realises that most of what happened was as a result of not saying what he wanted from me and alos by him being rejected and coming to me first before digging into his own "emotional bank account". I don't have enough "deposits" to deal with his stuff!! I realise that I played a big part in this, firstly by not being "in the moment" and being less than tactful, and also by that old codie bugbear of reacting, rather than acting.
Blimey, another fun day in recovery world!!
Take care everyone and thanks for being here.
Love
Minnie
xxxx
Thanks for the tips. Funnily enough, I do practice some of these, but i didn't realise it. I certainly have a "not worth it" list and a "HP" list. And a "later" list. Still working on communicating the OK and "not OK" lists, though!! But these lists are not discussed between us as yet. Maybe they don't need to be..........
We had a good talk this evening about what had happened yesterday. I am thanking my HP that my b/f was at his counsellor today so that he could get stuff off his chest to her. He realises that most of what happened was as a result of not saying what he wanted from me and alos by him being rejected and coming to me first before digging into his own "emotional bank account". I don't have enough "deposits" to deal with his stuff!! I realise that I played a big part in this, firstly by not being "in the moment" and being less than tactful, and also by that old codie bugbear of reacting, rather than acting.
Blimey, another fun day in recovery world!!
Take care everyone and thanks for being here.
Love
Minnie
xxxx
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Well, he is back drinking again but doesn't know that I know. And I'm being very good and not saying anything. This is for him to deal with.
It will become obvious very soon, so I will cross that bridge when it comes to it.
Act, not react. Act, not react. Act, not react..........
It will become obvious very soon, so I will cross that bridge when it comes to it.
Act, not react. Act, not react. Act, not react..........
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
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minnie - sorry to hear the news - how do they think we wouldn't, couldn't know. you have made great progress in your recovery - i know how you feel!
hugs and a shoulder to lean on coming your way!
hugs and a shoulder to lean on coming your way!
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cwohio
The mind boggles!!
I have discovered, through my counselling, that I have a strong ability to pick up on clues from people. This is because my Mum was ill with post natal depression after my younger brother was born. I spent all my childhood and a lot of my adulthood subconsciously looking for signs that she was getting ill again. So it's unlucky for my b/f that I can pick up the signs of a relapse before he can. I'm sure we all can after we've been living with an A for a while.
I know I am making good progress because I have done nothing to stop this relapse happening and I am doing nothing now it has happened. I know what's mine to deal with now. I'm not saying it's easy, but I have better tools in my toolbox than my old codie ones.
Thanks for the hugs
Love
Minnie
xxxx
The mind boggles!!
I have discovered, through my counselling, that I have a strong ability to pick up on clues from people. This is because my Mum was ill with post natal depression after my younger brother was born. I spent all my childhood and a lot of my adulthood subconsciously looking for signs that she was getting ill again. So it's unlucky for my b/f that I can pick up the signs of a relapse before he can. I'm sure we all can after we've been living with an A for a while.
I know I am making good progress because I have done nothing to stop this relapse happening and I am doing nothing now it has happened. I know what's mine to deal with now. I'm not saying it's easy, but I have better tools in my toolbox than my old codie ones.
Thanks for the hugs
Love
Minnie
xxxx
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Carrollton TX
Posts: 466
Minnie - that brings up a good question, for me anyway. I had the 'talk' (fight) with my AH the other night you know - and he called me the next day crying and saying he needed to stop drinking again. We haven't had the adult conversation about this yet - but, there is not a day that goes by that I am not thiking of divorce. BUT, last night he came home after being at his parents - he had Xmas decorations for me, and treats for the kids - and he wasn't drunk....but, I could smell beer. So, I'm quite sure he had one or two at his folks. I didn't say anything, I just carried on... I feel like I never know how to handle that. Do I say "look, I know you've had a few beers, so you haven't stopped", just let it go, what?? I always feel like whatever I think I should do - I should do the opposite. I know if I don't say anything, he'll think I don't know. You know what.....nevermind...I don't care anymore, it doesn't matter really - it would take a miracle to get me off the divorce track. It's just a matter of time... anyway, thanks for letting me think out loud.
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I'm not sure it really matters if they know we know. THEY know that they have been drinking. THEY know that they lie, even if it's only by omission.
I really don't know what I'm thinking at the moment, so I'm trying not to think at all. My A b/f came back from a day in London (seeing clients!) and was hammered when he got home. Talking nonsense and having peed himself before crashing out after dinner. Nice. How on earth did I put up with this on an almost daily basis? I've had an apology which is a start.
Anyway, counselling is going to be fun tomorrow.
I really don't know what I'm thinking at the moment, so I'm trying not to think at all. My A b/f came back from a day in London (seeing clients!) and was hammered when he got home. Talking nonsense and having peed himself before crashing out after dinner. Nice. How on earth did I put up with this on an almost daily basis? I've had an apology which is a start.
Anyway, counselling is going to be fun tomorrow.
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Join Date: Sep 2004
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Posts: 466
That's the other thing - counseling! I have one with our marriage counselor next week, and i'm going to tell her I don't think it's worth us coming together anymore. I can fix everything about me and work on myself, but we will not survive as a couple if he does not do his part. So, I'm going to tell her I am wasting my money on this and would prefer to come see her by myself. My other thought is to tell her that I'd rather use the hour to discuss how we explain a divorce to our children, since I'm quite sure that's where I'm headed - however, I know if I want to do that...I should probably tell my husband first. I often wonder too how I've put up with this for so long... I've come to realize everything I loved about him has gotten twisted with this disease. For example "I love the way he made me feel special"...like when he's drunk and calls me names. "I love the way he plays with his children"...like when he's drunk and is a little too rough. "I love the way he is the life of the party"...was that him or the alcohol? and that's really gotten old! "I love the way we talk and laugh"...that part is still true, except for when he's drunk and I don't even think he understands what I'm saying. If that guy I loved is gone, then so am I! Do I love myself enough to let him go...that's my question still this week.
Anyway, I'm sorry about your AH's behavior last night...I didn't mean to rattle on about me. Hang in there sweetie! I hope the counseling goes well - I'm kind of excited and nervous to start on my own. I'd hate to think I have to focus on me!!!!
Anyway, I'm sorry about your AH's behavior last night...I didn't mean to rattle on about me. Hang in there sweetie! I hope the counseling goes well - I'm kind of excited and nervous to start on my own. I'd hate to think I have to focus on me!!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Minnie and Peaches, my heart goes out to you both. I'm praying for you and for your loved ones and that you are able to keep your serenity in the midst of all this chaos.
Mike :-)
Mike :-)
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