redrose

i broke up with my alcoholic/drug addict bf of four years three months ago. although i've been doing well during this time i heard the shocking news today. before we broke up my bf and i decided to get married, but everytime we came to the topic he always had his ways of avoiding it. anyways, now after three months i hear that he moved in with an ex girlfriend and he's engaged!! i don't know how i feel, i'm ok and at the same time i'm very numb. i'm really happy with my decision because i know i made the right choice by not being with him, but it's just so hard to digest that he's already engaged....what happned to all that four year that he promaised me that we'll get married? i mean is it so easy for him to get over something so big or i'm just dwelling on too much? i don't know, i'm just...so numb.

thanks for listening. id'e appreciate any support or comment.

splendra

Well honey you know what the new girlfiend is getting don't you......your throw away right?

redrose

that's what i'm afraid of, i put so much hard work into this and he did get much better for a long time and now she'll get to enjoy the better him??? (or it could be the worst of him ha??)

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi redrose.

It's impossible to know what's really going on in his mind, but possibilities might include proving something to himself or proving something to you. At any rate, it's nuts. Say a prayer for that poor woman that agreed to marry him.

Big hugs!
Smoke

sdp

Ouch! That really hurts.

That was always my fear- the Hill street Blues thing (remember Frank Furillo??)

You don't mention if he is currently sober. However, it does not appear she is getting any prize.

Keep your chin up!

Cadence57

I believe the term is "sloppy seconds"
****{redrose}}}
Ouch is right. "What does she have that I don't?" must be circling 'round your head, but keep in mind, being engaged doesn't mean anything. What are the chances he'll actually follow through? And does it really matter?
Be strong - What are the chances that he's "better"? What are the chances that he's BSing his way into her life to get what he needs?
Be strong.

FaithChaser

Okay, had to put my 2 cents into this one, first of all i'm pretty new here and I came here because of my ah's progressive disease that is destroying us. I just happen to have married a man that the last wife left due to this. She probably had some of the same thoughts when I stepped in, I justified that it wasn't all that bad that he'd grow up and get better. Someone step in and correct me if i'm wrong but, the truth was then and still is, that it is a progressive diesease, it just gets worse. After nine years my "sloppy seconds" (giggle) has progressed into someone who is depressed and has taken his abuse into new levels that I never thought possible. Be healthy and marry healthy... wish I did...
Hugs!

redrose

thank you guys, you really gave me the support i needed to feel better. i woke up with knot in my stomach, but you're all right. I don't know if he sobered up or not, we broke up because he ditched me on labor day weekend, the entier weekend to party and drink with his "friends", so as far as i know, he's not sober yet. i'm guessing the ex is also an A because he mentioned her a few times before when we were together...whatever....i'm still certain i made the right decision for myself.. thank you all for letting me see it and feel it.

hugs hugs hugs

minnie

My A b/f has been married twice before. I didn't see the signs when we got together.........

Peaches04

(((((RedRose)))))))))) - I know how you feel. Many years ago (Gosh, has it been that long!) my college boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up, and I found out he was getting engaged a few months later! Talk about ripping your heart out....needless to say, today - I would have rather even been married to my current AH than that guy. It wasn't 4 months after they got married, that poor girl called ME in tears, saying that he always compared her to me, and nothing she ever did was right, and he was verbally abusive.... and I just thought - 'oh God! That could have been me!".... I felt sorry for her and didn't even know what to say. I had a new boyfriend that treated me like gold, and had never been happier. That was definatley one of God's unanswered prayers...

Peaches04

one last thought - I always heard the best way to know who the person you're dating is, is to talk to their ex...

Paulie

CatsTail

Hi,

Good riddance to insane rubbish. If you have doubts about leaving him keep reading back your post and look at what he is doing. Nuts!

Ngaire

gelfling

The responses to this post are great.

If he got engaged so quickly, I think he's desperate to find another poor soul to abuse and make miserable. Someone that's thinking correctly and if they're in AA know that they advise them not to make any life changing decisions for at least 1 year.

Consider yourself blessed. Really, really blessed you got out of the grasp of the disease. Now is the time to start working your program. In a few months, you'll look back at this and breathe a sigh of relief for the decisions you made. And you'll feel sorry for his new wifey.

((((((((((((((((redrose))))))))))))))))))))

Kathy

Live

It is actually extremely common to jump from one to another and promise the moon and the stars. There could me a thousand motives and I am sure there are several, but being engaged is an intention, easily said. A hook and a stab at the same time, two birds with one stone.
I may be so off base, throw rocks at me,,,,but I have seen this quite often.

Since it is so new, try to avoid friends who want to tell you about it or gossip to you.
The less you know, the more your life is undisturbed by it.

Time tells all.
And one of my favorites from Ben Franklin" Living Well is the Best Revenge"

hugs, friend.
tena

redrose

i don't know how to thank you all for your comments and words of comfort, i get this warm feeling everytime i read your posts, you're all right....thank you for keeping my eyes open and pointing out how blessed i am. I am still standing strong and complete with my decision, and tena, you're absolutley right, living well is the best revange!!

((((((((((((((((hugs and love to all of you, GOD BLESS YOU)))))))))))))))))))))))

abtchonamission

I got one word -- REBOUND. She won't last, he's trying to "comfort" himself.