Robbie64

... and now I'm feeling very annoyed with myself. I find that when I stop drinking I'm fine for a couple of weeks and then the urge to drink becomes overwhelming and all I can think of is having a drink.

It's annoying as for the first week I can easily stop without having to make much effort but then the craving start to build up twoards the end of the second week /. start of the third week then I binge drink. And every time I drink I promise myself it will just be for that day but then I will drink until I am too exhaused to drink any more or until my money runs out. And now I'm exhausted and skint.

It's time for me to get back to my local drop-in group. I've phoned them today and have arranged to go there tomorrow. It's not AA but it's a group run along similar lines and with a good social aspect which I found my local AA group didn't have.

But I'm back to day 1 again and that awful hungover, restless, feeling is awful so I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm just sick of going through this every few weeks.

Purina

I also had drank for exactly 4 times recently. Now I am back with 3 days sober.

I think I also am going to go back to the 12 step group, not because I like stepwork but because I dont have any friends and at least there is some socializing to be had over there.

The worst was how I promised myself that I was going to stay sober in January 2020. New Year and all that. I wish I had kept my quit date of Jan 1. I ended up drinking over a foolish reason: Somebody had stolen my tools that I left out in the driveway while I was changing the car oil.

Talk about a dumb reason to drink, right?

Robbie64

I always think that we can find any excuse to drink.

The group I used to go to - and which I'm going to start going back to - has (or at least it did have when I went there last) a good social side to it. People like us often either drink alone or with other people with alcohol problems and the group have things like a film club (though I'm not keen on films), a walking group (which I always loved as I love walking) and the occasional nights out for meals etc. And the good thing is that by being there I'm not only having some time with other people but also I'm mixing with people who don't drink.

I have to travel a bit further to go to my drop in group. The one local to me closed a few years ago as the building where the group used to meet changed owners and the building was no longer available to use. It was at that point that I stopped going regularly. That was my excuse to start drinking again after I'd had a longish period of sobriety, about three months.

Robbie64

I don't know where you live and I don't know if this happens elsewhere but here in the UK we have a thing called "Dry January" where people stop drinking for the entire month. It's meant as a way of getting over the excesses of the Christmas season. Every year I promise myself I will do it but every year so far since it became a big thing around the turn of the 2010s I have failed to last the month. This year I didn't even last until the end of New Year's Day. I think the people who do Dry January and can last the entire month without a drink are probably not people who have a drink problem. People like me fail because
we obsess about drinking when we try to stop.

Purina

I remember after like 4 or 5 months of sobriety i ended up having an argument with one member of the group and then decided to quit going altogether.

But i was not able to find friends to socialize with other than that and also the people from the group kept asking me to go back but when i said I was no longer going to attend the 12 step meetings they basically pulled away from me.

So in the end I basically felt like they where not "Real friends" to me since they did not want to be involved with me unless I was an active member of the group. And then after a few weeks of being a lone wolf I ended up drinking.

Wishing you a good day today, stay sober.

Robbie64

Thanks. Hopefully you have a good day too and stay sober.

Hopefully you'll get back to a meeting as it's a lonely life just sitting at home when not drinking. Maybe you're the same as me, I only really know people who drink. My sober friends all drifted away in the 1990s when my drinking was getting out of control. No-one wants to associate with a drunk unless they are fellow drunks.

Anna

Robbie, I'm glad you're getting back to your support group and working on your sobriety again. I had to learn that there is a difference between stopping drinking and remaining sober. I had to make a lot of lifestyle changes to support my recovery. I changed friends and activities. You sound motivated and I know you can make this work.

Robbie64

Thanks Anna. I think the main problem with me is that I am a little bit too lazy when it comes to making changes and doing the right thing. That leads to boredom and a tendency to dwell on things, especially when I am craving alcohol.

I read your reply in another post about volunteering. That along with the support group is something I need to do, to help fill the time.

Geenie

Well Robbie I did Dry January and I am an alcoholic! And yes it was very tough and I thought about drinking a lot of the time, but that would happen which ever month I decided to stop drinking!

If anything I found it easier then previous attempts as there was so much coverage about the perils of alcohol, it helped with my resolve. Now doing Dry February, then March, April...……….

Derringer

My experience with the obsession to drink, that constant ever present nagging thought, that builds and builds and drives you nuts .... was that it just never went away. I stayed sober for some long periods, hoping it would eventually go away, but it never did.

Did all the right things, tried to distract myself, got exercise etc

Every single day for up to 6 months at a time, the battle was on in my mind to not drink that day.

Eventually I heard that if you take the steps of AA, the obsession can be removed.

I was desperate enough to do that, so I did and yes, the obsession has been removed and I am 5+ years sober. 😃

Going to meetings is not a treatment for alcoholism, the steps are.

Give it a try, worked for me.

Robbie64

I intended to do it but unfortunately I drank on New Year's Eve and then continued into the early hours of New Year's Day. So when I got up on NYD I just continued drinking. I haven't drank that many times this year until this four day binge. And even though it's now 5.30pm I'm still suffering despite the fact that I stopped drinking befrore midnight last night. Unfortunately my hangovers now last all day. I can remember in my early 20s when I never would get a hangover. However once I turned 25 they started to be really bad and got even worse when I reached 30. I never learn.

Congratulations on keeping off alcohol for all of January and continuing to do so. I like to read about people who aren't drinking. Hopefully you can continue to keep off alcohol for good.

Did you have any cravings in January? If so, how did you deal with them? My cravings kick in around the week and a half to two weeks mark. And I've never learned how to deal with them. I once stopped drinking for about 5 months and I never once got a craving which made keeping off the drink very easy for that length of time. I wish I could get that lack of cravings again.

Robbie64

I may try AA again. I went to a couple of meetings a number of years ago and didn't find it a pleasant experience. I think I went with a pre-conceived idea that I wasn't going to like it and that probably led to me not enjoying it.

Speaking of AA meetings I was watching a couple of clips of the old police drama Hill Street Blues. Are AA meetings like this? I may have just picked a bad meeting when I went. There was hardly anyone there and no-one seemed to be that friendly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1YG67UDzP0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGOIdjiiRh0

Both clips are very moving and someone has posted about the second clip that the scene was well done and realistic.

Anna

Robbie, I think the good news is that when you make one small change, it has a ripple effect in your life. One small change will grow.

Derringer

Second clip, he says "there is a brand new life for you here, if you want it, we hope you do"

Get to literature based meetings as a first priority, avoid open discussion, speaker meetings are okay.

sva777

Robbie, your pattern of drinking sounds very similar to the one I had. I wasn't a daily drinker but I would binge for a few days, get sober for a week or so and then do it all over again. It was hell for sure, you need to make a plan and get some sober time under your belt. Whatever you need to do to make that happen will be in your best interest. I find the more that time passed the cravings got less and less. It took a long time and lots of hard work but its worth it.

Robbie64

what makes it worse is that I smoke when I'm drinking which makes the comedown worse. The strangest thing is that when I'm not drinking I never get the urge to smoke. The cravings are purely for alcohol.

I've got a plan which is to go to the support group. It's helped me in the past so I need to get there tomorrow afternoon.

How did you cope with the cravings? Did you just ignore them, which seems to be the general advice, or did you keep yourself busy? For me I just never know when they are going to hit. I can go to bed feeling fine and then wake up the next morning with alcohol on my mind. Sometimes I'll have a drinking dream which can be unsettling - I don't get them very often but when I do I wake up convinced I've drank and get a bizarre feeling like I'm hung over. Once I realise it was just a dream I relax up.

PeaceManic

You're better off than some I know. Drinking kick starts their smoking habits, and many people say smoking is harder to kick than drinking! I've consigned my addictions to alcohol, caffiene and sugar so don't know for sure.

I have weeks and weeks without a thought of alcohol too. I'm not the best to judge as I'm still in the negotiating stage, with a polar bear lol! It has to be psychological past bodily dependence though. I'm not strictly onboard with abstinence yet. Jordan Peterson said something interesting - maybe alcohics should find something better than the buzz of alcohol, something equally as edgy and dangerous too...

Robbie64

I know a few people like me who only smoke when they are drinking. However to me one spurs the other on. I drink so I smoke and because I'm smoking I carry on drinking to excess. I once read that in pre-AA times some hospitals would treat alcoholism by getting the person to stop smoking too. There was already literature by the turn of the 20th century about the fact that back then most people with alcohol problems were heavy smokers and so the treatment was to get them to stop smoking at the same time that they were being treated for their alcohol addiction.

I used to smoke full time whether I was drinking or not. I stopped drinking for several months in 1998 and after about three weeks of not drinking I suddenly realised I was not enjoying smoking so I stopped that too. When I started drinking again I just smoked when I was drinking. I've nevr gone back to smoking at any other time.

I think it is harder to stop smoking than stopping drinking. Most people don't spend all day drinking but they can spend all day smoking. That time back in 1998 I found it easier to stop drinking than smoking. The side effects from stopping smoking were awful, I got dreadful insomnia and strange itching all over my body!

sva777

I used to smoke when I was drinking, and I mean chain smoke. when I was not drinking I would still occasionally smoke but nowhere near as much. The drinking was easier to kick due to it having many negative effects on my life at the time. The smoking habit took a while longer.

Keeping busy was the key for me. I always had a new project or something to keep my mind off alcohol. After a year or two the constant desire for alcohol started to fade away to basically nothing.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back Robbie
My advice is throw everything you have at this.

D