Not taking the first drink
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Not taking the first drink
Chronic relapser here. 15 Years of going weeks, days, even a year
I have 44 day today There has been three times during these 44 days that I absolutely thought , no human power, no turning back I was for sure- I was going to have that drink. I could start again "tomorrow"
I waited, I plotted , I waited, I posted, I was uncomfortable, miserable,
out of my skin, desperate, upset . I was all this but I did not take action.
I was able to not medicate myself even though that is all's my mind/body could contemplate to get the ONLY relief it was craving.
I did not put alcohol in my system and I got through it. It sucked for an hour but I was able to get through it. I did not dissipate into thin air because I did not feed my addiction.
It just feels good to write it out. Its going to be tough but it is doable.
I need to remember I can get through it. The alternative is so much worse for me . I heard at a meeting today.
The grace of God (gifts sobriety brings us a day at a time) even just feeling better than day one )can turn into illusions of control.
I have 44 day today There has been three times during these 44 days that I absolutely thought , no human power, no turning back I was for sure- I was going to have that drink. I could start again "tomorrow"
I waited, I plotted , I waited, I posted, I was uncomfortable, miserable,
out of my skin, desperate, upset . I was all this but I did not take action.
I was able to not medicate myself even though that is all's my mind/body could contemplate to get the ONLY relief it was craving.
I did not put alcohol in my system and I got through it. It sucked for an hour but I was able to get through it. I did not dissipate into thin air because I did not feed my addiction.
It just feels good to write it out. Its going to be tough but it is doable.
I need to remember I can get through it. The alternative is so much worse for me . I heard at a meeting today.
The grace of God (gifts sobriety brings us a day at a time) even just feeling better than day one )can turn into illusions of control.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
To combat cravings, and to strengthen your sobriety, practice gratitude every day. 
I was going thru a rough time in early sobriety and just wasn't 'feeling it'. I was told to practice gratitude every day. So I did. It changed my whole life/attitude. Made me happier too. Try it. If you're not satisfied, you get your misery back. 
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Congrats on 44 days sober!
I was going thru a rough time in early sobriety and just wasn't 'feeling it'. I was told to practice gratitude every day. So I did. It changed my whole life/attitude. Made me happier too. Try it. If you're not satisfied, you get your misery back. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Congrats on 44 days sober!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
All we have to do is stay away from one little drink. It's the first one that does the damage. If we don't take that first drink we cannot get drunk. I think of that first drink as the single cause of all my misery, despair, guilt and shame. It is poison to me.
It is really uncomfortable in the early days and months even. I had days where I was crawling out of my skin. I wanted a drink so bad to take that feeling away but as soon as I put alcohol in my system I am powerless. Alcohol becomes my master and I have no idea where that drink will take me. My last "drink" turned into a 10 day binge. I had days I couldn't recount. I had 3 falls, one in particular was really dangerous, I had a police visit for trying to smash someone's window, I called in sick for work and had no idea what I had said or what I had sounded like on the voice message I left my manager, I abandoned my daughter for those 10 days at her dad's, I fell out with multiple friends and I went thtough the most hideous withdrawals as when I wasn't drinking I was popping xanax so i could sleep through to my next drink. I was lucky to come out alive. I was black and blue but no bones broken and alive.
Gratitude has been huge for me too. When I wanted to drink (and I did want to drink despite what had happened to me) I would make a list of 10 things I was grateful for because I was NOT drinking. It usually started with 1. I didn't want to kill myself this morning.
I am an AA'er and my Higher Power is my first go to. If i ever start thinking a drink is a good idea then I am going into insane thinking. I pray to my HP, God please do not let me pick up a drink. I am restored to sanity and then I put in some ACTION! Get to a meeting, call another alcoholic, come on line here, get home and into bed, a safe place. The thoughts of drinking do come, afterall I am an alcoholic. It is what I do with those thoughts that are important.
if I were to pick up a drink today, I would lose my daughter immediately. I said to her dad that if alcohol was ever to touch my lips again he has full custody as she wouldn't be safe with me. I am pretty sure it wouldn't take long to lose my job as well and then it would be my home. I had all of thise things still at the end of my drinking but I was clinging on by my fingernails. For me to drink is to die. If it physically, then mentally and spiritually. In fact I would rather be dead than exist like that again.
You remind myself of me in your recovery. If you keep doing what you are doing you will never have to drink again. How amazing is that??
It is really uncomfortable in the early days and months even. I had days where I was crawling out of my skin. I wanted a drink so bad to take that feeling away but as soon as I put alcohol in my system I am powerless. Alcohol becomes my master and I have no idea where that drink will take me. My last "drink" turned into a 10 day binge. I had days I couldn't recount. I had 3 falls, one in particular was really dangerous, I had a police visit for trying to smash someone's window, I called in sick for work and had no idea what I had said or what I had sounded like on the voice message I left my manager, I abandoned my daughter for those 10 days at her dad's, I fell out with multiple friends and I went thtough the most hideous withdrawals as when I wasn't drinking I was popping xanax so i could sleep through to my next drink. I was lucky to come out alive. I was black and blue but no bones broken and alive.
Gratitude has been huge for me too. When I wanted to drink (and I did want to drink despite what had happened to me) I would make a list of 10 things I was grateful for because I was NOT drinking. It usually started with 1. I didn't want to kill myself this morning.
I am an AA'er and my Higher Power is my first go to. If i ever start thinking a drink is a good idea then I am going into insane thinking. I pray to my HP, God please do not let me pick up a drink. I am restored to sanity and then I put in some ACTION! Get to a meeting, call another alcoholic, come on line here, get home and into bed, a safe place. The thoughts of drinking do come, afterall I am an alcoholic. It is what I do with those thoughts that are important.
if I were to pick up a drink today, I would lose my daughter immediately. I said to her dad that if alcohol was ever to touch my lips again he has full custody as she wouldn't be safe with me. I am pretty sure it wouldn't take long to lose my job as well and then it would be my home. I had all of thise things still at the end of my drinking but I was clinging on by my fingernails. For me to drink is to die. If it physically, then mentally and spiritually. In fact I would rather be dead than exist like that again.
You remind myself of me in your recovery. If you keep doing what you are doing you will never have to drink again. How amazing is that??
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Love this faith! Echo what the others said.
I have found that the occasional itch/restless/etc feeling where I want SOMETHING does hit. Not often but like a good alcoholic, sometimes on the oddest seeming times like in the middle of a great deal of gratitude for some big stuff on this last Thanksgiving day! I had to sit thru it, practice my gratitude exercises and just trust from experience it would indeed pass.
Two things I do often and certainly in these situations are say an off the top of the head list of 5 things I am grateful for out loud. It's usually stuff like diet coke, my husband, good jeans, sunshine and God.
Also, acknowledging that feeling like this is OK. It just IS. Sit, then move thru it.
Keep up the awesome work! Sharing all this w people like us who get it is terrific.
I have found that the occasional itch/restless/etc feeling where I want SOMETHING does hit. Not often but like a good alcoholic, sometimes on the oddest seeming times like in the middle of a great deal of gratitude for some big stuff on this last Thanksgiving day! I had to sit thru it, practice my gratitude exercises and just trust from experience it would indeed pass.
Two things I do often and certainly in these situations are say an off the top of the head list of 5 things I am grateful for out loud. It's usually stuff like diet coke, my husband, good jeans, sunshine and God.
Also, acknowledging that feeling like this is OK. It just IS. Sit, then move thru it.
Keep up the awesome work! Sharing all this w people like us who get it is terrific.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
No matter how long you are off the bottle, your alcoholism recognizes that first drink and relearns the habitual response of "giving in" much faster than it relearns the response of "not giving in." After you've been sober for a while and a craving comes, your only hope is to stop and remember why you made that commitment to never drink again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Although only 20 days in, I still feel the lingering health problems caused by so many years of insanity, so right now staying sober is "easy" for me. I'm simply trying to survive which gives great clarity. When I am completely healed I will replay your post Faith, again and again, as I will undoubtedly have to face those demons down. From what I read here on RS, nobody gets away clean and alcohol will always try to kill us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Thank you all for the comments.
I appreciate it. I want to respond to them all soon.
The common theme is gratitude.
I should right out my gratitude. Its scary right now because
this job looks to be going forward and I just have this urge to celebrate!
to have a few drinks- I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
ALL BS
Grace of God (blessings) can easily turn into the illusions of control
I appreciate it. I want to respond to them all soon.
The common theme is gratitude.
I should right out my gratitude. Its scary right now because
this job looks to be going forward and I just have this urge to celebrate!
to have a few drinks- I can see the light at the end of the tunnel
ALL BS
Grace of God (blessings) can easily turn into the illusions of control
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
HA HA write out my gratitude list- although "right gratitude" could apply as well.
I notice I do that alot- sorry about the grammar my mind is thinking ahead of myself
when I am on this board.
thank you everybody.
I notice I do that alot- sorry about the grammar my mind is thinking ahead of myself
when I am on this board.
thank you everybody.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Plenty of ways to celebrate that don't involve drinking. Go for a nice meal,buy a new outfit,ECT.. I went out to watch some football on Sunday with some friends for a change and the drinkers I noticed actually seemed to be doing the opposite of celebrating.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 146
Wow this was a good post. I’m early on but there was such a strong urge today that I had to drive around the block 4 or 5 times and finally just broke down and started sobbing but at 607 PM on a Tuesday night I got by it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by trudgingagain 
It's kinda weird when you get on an airplane an FINALLY notice that no one else is ordering 2 drinks at a time!
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