Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,975
Struggling
Hi all, It’s been a while since I posted on the main forum. My Dad has dementia and it has progressed to moderate stage. I am dealing with legal issues around his marriage and divorce, house and foreclosure, assisted living care needs, Medicaid, and am completely overwhelmed. I am so grateful that my family and son are doing well, But what is going on with my Dad is completely stressing me out. I got some news from my dad’s doctor today that is not good. I am really having a tough time. Just reaching out for support and continuing to be accountable.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 28
Re: struggling
That sounds like a lot to take on. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I’m glad you have a place to post honestly about what you are experiencing. I am glad I do too. Even without feeling like I have control of a lot at the moment posting is something.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry Fearless I can only imagine how hard that must be.
Are there support groups around where you are for these kinds of things?
Maybe that would be another tool in the recovery toolbox?
D
Are there support groups around where you are for these kinds of things?
Maybe that would be another tool in the recovery toolbox?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
Wow. I am so sorry about your dad. You have so many huge things going on that it's hard to do any of them. Do you have a really close friend that can help? Anyone would be overwhelmed. You are awesome.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
oh , full plate there, and yes, it is overwhelm.
we were “lucky” in that there are five of us to divide up some of the work, appointments, bureaucratic machinations...get all the help you can. there are usually community organizations with resources.
we were “lucky” in that there are five of us to divide up some of the work, appointments, bureaucratic machinations...get all the help you can. there are usually community organizations with resources.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,975
I just ate a half of pint of Ben and Jerry’s almond caramel brittle frozen dessert so I feel better
. It is so overwhelming but I do have support and finding more and more. Things just sort of hit me today after the doctor call but I will get through it. So grateful for all of you and your being here
. It is so overwhelming but I do have support and finding more and more. Things just sort of hit me today after the doctor call but I will get through it. So grateful for all of you and your being here
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Ah, Ben & Jerry's to the rescue. I'm really sorry about your Dad's failing health and all the legal issues you are dealing with. I'm sure the amount of red tape and paperwork is overwhelming.
We're here for you.
We're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,916
Yeah we love you and are here for you. You are dealing with some major, major stuff—and drama on top of the health issues. Any human would be struggling. I guess the “good” news is alcohol wouldn’t help but sure can’t blame you for feeling like you are locked in a struggle. Huge hugs.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,170
I'm sorry about your father, and I understand that seeing after a failing loved one is stressful. I've done it, and it's one of those things that each of us will have to do, sometimes without the help of others. In spite of the stress, I was surprised to find there can be a personal reward in doing it. It probably depends somewhat on the people involved. In my case, it was a personal commitment, and I'm grateful for having had the opportunity and the learning experience.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I'm sorry to hear of you struggles and about your
dad. SR is here for you as another support and
lifeline to stay connected to during this trying
time.
I am a Ben and Jerry's fan but haven't tried the
Caramel Brittle yet. So, I researched it to see
what the carton looks like so I can pin point it
when I go shopping.
Cherry Garcia is in the freezer right now
waiting for me to dive in.
dad. SR is here for you as another support and
lifeline to stay connected to during this trying
time.
I am a Ben and Jerry's fan but haven't tried the
Caramel Brittle yet. So, I researched it to see
what the carton looks like so I can pin point it
when I go shopping.
Cherry Garcia is in the freezer right now
waiting for me to dive in.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,469
Hey,
So sorry you are going through this.
The main thing, remain sober!
Also, a good thought practice that I like to put to use is:
"What am I able to control in this situation?"
If I know what I personally am able to control I am better equipped for everything else.
The things I am unable to control are out of my hands, and I then have to control my emotions and reactions to those things and go with the flow.
While this sounds easier said than done, it may lighten your stress to those you are unable to control.
The marriage and divorce is not in your control - So deal with those things as they come, don't take it personally as it is not your divorce rather helping someone else.
If the bills cant is paid. the foreclosure is not in your control
Your dad's health is not in your control
While it is very overwhelming, make a list and knock out each item as you are able, take a deep breath, workout or meditate to have a clear mind.
I wish you the best,
DC
So sorry you are going through this.
The main thing, remain sober!
Also, a good thought practice that I like to put to use is:
"What am I able to control in this situation?"
If I know what I personally am able to control I am better equipped for everything else.
The things I am unable to control are out of my hands, and I then have to control my emotions and reactions to those things and go with the flow.
While this sounds easier said than done, it may lighten your stress to those you are unable to control.
The marriage and divorce is not in your control - So deal with those things as they come, don't take it personally as it is not your divorce rather helping someone else.
If the bills cant is paid. the foreclosure is not in your control
Your dad's health is not in your control
While it is very overwhelming, make a list and knock out each item as you are able, take a deep breath, workout or meditate to have a clear mind.
I wish you the best,
DC
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,975
Thank you all. Your support means so much to me.
Driguy, I like the idea of looking at this as a personal reward and opportunity for learning experience. I do need to change my thinking around this. I know I’ve accomplished so much already for my Dad in a short time. Yesterday just felt like a set back. I will keep moving forward and adjusting as necessary. I know it means the world to my Dad that I am there for him and that he’s not alone. When his time comes, I imagine it will be peaceful.
DC, this is very good advice. I have to say the serenity prayer often, and I do need to make a list and be specific about what I can control, and be proactive. Staying sober and keeping a clear head is where it starts. I can’t let myself worry and stress about the fact that my legal consultation isn’t until next week. I’ve scheduled it and now I’ll focus on something else until then. There are many other things like this.
I am a strong person and I know this will pass and as will get through it stronger.
Sharon, my husband loves Cherry Garcia!
Driguy, I like the idea of looking at this as a personal reward and opportunity for learning experience. I do need to change my thinking around this. I know I’ve accomplished so much already for my Dad in a short time. Yesterday just felt like a set back. I will keep moving forward and adjusting as necessary. I know it means the world to my Dad that I am there for him and that he’s not alone. When his time comes, I imagine it will be peaceful.
DC, this is very good advice. I have to say the serenity prayer often, and I do need to make a list and be specific about what I can control, and be proactive. Staying sober and keeping a clear head is where it starts. I can’t let myself worry and stress about the fact that my legal consultation isn’t until next week. I’ve scheduled it and now I’ll focus on something else until then. There are many other things like this.
I am a strong person and I know this will pass and as will get through it stronger.
Sharon, my husband loves Cherry Garcia!
Last edited by Fearlessat50; 12-05-2019 at 06:41 AM. Reason: Typos
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Having lost both my mom and my pet this week, I’ve been doing a lot of contemplating. I do believe there is opportunity in every situation, whether it’s tangible, spiritual, or otherwise. For me sometimes I have to look hard to find it, but if I explore enough angles it’s there. May you find the right path, manage what you can, release the rest and find a nugget of opportunity in it all. 🙏
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,975
Originally Posted by PinnacleOR 
Having lost both my mom and my pet this week, I’ve been doing a lot of contemplating. I do believe there is opportunity in every situation, whether it’s tangible, spiritual, or otherwise. For me sometimes I have to look hard to find it, but if I explore enough angles it’s there. May you find the right path, manage what you can, release the rest and find a nugget of opportunity in it all. 🙏
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Fearless. Good things have already been said, but I just want to add I'm glad you posted & hopefully unburdened yourself a bit. I've been through a similar situation, and unfortunately I sought comfort in drinking. Naturally, instead of helping me it made everything so much harder & kept me from making rational deicisons. The ice cream therapy was a great idea.
Proud of you for posting and hopefully relieving some of the anxiety. You are loved.
Proud of you for posting and hopefully relieving some of the anxiety. You are loved.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
Hi there- I just wanted to say hello and send you my good vibes, prayers, and mojo. I too have had some big losses in recent years- my mom, two of my pups, and I’m just really glad to see you’re here and sticking with it. Sobriety is something my mom was really proud of me for and I’m sure yours too. We make it through stuff like this sober, I figure we can make it through just about anything. Best of luck to you P.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
