Aa
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 237
Aa
I feel ashamed to keep posting here because I dont quit drinking. I dont know what I want.
So thank you for taking the time to read.
I've been scared of AA for a long time. The religious aspects bother me. But I could overlook that. I'm just scared lol. So I got as far as making a list of some open meetings near me. I thin the next step for me would be to go in advance and look at where it is. I know that sounds dumb.
Can someone tell me what to expect if I go to a meeting? I just want to go and listen. I dont know if I want to talk to anyone or not. I guess I wonder if I would be welcome.
I was looking at the 'Open' meetings.
I guess no one here is from Toronto and could recommend one lol?
I've thought about some kind of counselling too, but I would have to pay for that. And also I've had decades of counselling for other issues and it helped but I'm kind of tired of it. I would like a group support of some kind.
I dont even know if I want to quit drinking. I do know that I try to moderate/stop/slow down and it just gets harder and harder.
So I'm at the point I wish I could get some more support somehow. I need to do something different. I just dont know what
So thank you for taking the time to read.
I've been scared of AA for a long time. The religious aspects bother me. But I could overlook that. I'm just scared lol. So I got as far as making a list of some open meetings near me. I thin the next step for me would be to go in advance and look at where it is. I know that sounds dumb.
Can someone tell me what to expect if I go to a meeting? I just want to go and listen. I dont know if I want to talk to anyone or not. I guess I wonder if I would be welcome.
I was looking at the 'Open' meetings.
I guess no one here is from Toronto and could recommend one lol?
I've thought about some kind of counselling too, but I would have to pay for that. And also I've had decades of counselling for other issues and it helped but I'm kind of tired of it. I would like a group support of some kind.
I dont even know if I want to quit drinking. I do know that I try to moderate/stop/slow down and it just gets harder and harder.
So I'm at the point I wish I could get some more support somehow. I need to do something different. I just dont know what
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Rehab would teach you that I try to moderate/stop/slow down and it just gets harder and harder holds true for most of us alcoholics. We can't control it anymore. It somehow controls us and we have to try to stop and stay stopped. Somehow it all keeps getting worse no matter what we do unless we stop completely. It's a choice. To drink or not to drink. Once you stop, can you stay stopped? If you can't, there may be a problem. Choose well for you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Grab a hot coffee and get to a meeting today.
Its the best counseling hour for $1
remember that all in the room are there for the same reason as you.
Do not feel intimidated or shameful. You are doing something/powerful/healthful/insightful for yourself.
AA can be very powerful and filled with a welcome energy.
Do not be scared. Be scared of what Alcohol can and will do to your life/body/mind/soul.
Its the best counseling hour for $1
remember that all in the room are there for the same reason as you.
Do not feel intimidated or shameful. You are doing something/powerful/healthful/insightful for yourself.
AA can be very powerful and filled with a welcome energy.
Do not be scared. Be scared of what Alcohol can and will do to your life/body/mind/soul.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Hi Maria!
Toronto is known as a center for agnostic AA.
https://www.aatorontoagnostics.com/
I hope you get to any meeting soon!
Toronto is known as a center for agnostic AA.
https://www.aatorontoagnostics.com/
I hope you get to any meeting soon!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 103
AA isn't a religious program, but it is a spiritual one. Your higher power can be anything you so choose.
If you don't want to share, you can just say that you're just listening tonight, and no one should have an issue with it.
Best of luck to you and I hope you check out a meeting.
If you don't want to share, you can just say that you're just listening tonight, and no one should have an issue with it.
Best of luck to you and I hope you check out a meeting.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I'm not an AA person, but I believe that motivation is more important than what particular program or methods of recovery you choose. If you decide you really want to stop drinking, AA is a good place to start. Also, posting and reading here on SR is a good idea. 
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Keep in mind that everyone you see in the first meeting you go to had a "first meeting" of their own. They know what you are going through. They've been there, done that.
You might consider saying, at your first opportunity, that it is your first meeting. People will then know exactly where you are coming from.
You might consider saying, at your first opportunity, that it is your first meeting. People will then know exactly where you are coming from.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 237
Thanks for the support. I made a list of possible meetings. So that is a start. Coldfusion that list helps.
It's a tough time of year for me, I guess for a lot of people. Hard day. I'm going for a walk with some people shortly 5-7 km hopefully that will tire me out tonight. .
It's a tough time of year for me, I guess for a lot of people. Hard day. I'm going for a walk with some people shortly 5-7 km hopefully that will tire me out tonight. .
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by turniptheheat 
AA isn't a religious program, but it is a spiritual one. Your higher power can be anything you so choose.
If you don't want to share, you can just say that you're just listening tonight, and no one should have an issue with it.
Best of luck to you and I hope you check out a meeting.
If you don't want to share, you can just say that you're just listening tonight, and no one should have an issue with it.
Best of luck to you and I hope you check out a meeting.
It might help you to look up what AA is and isn't - look at the link posted above about Toronto or google to find an official site. Many people mistakenly think that it is a religious program. As noted, it is spiritual - and simply means that we believe in SOMETHING, as we define it/her/him/they, beyond ourselves.
I didn't want to go to AA either - til it was life or death and my last resort. It's not what everyone ultimately chooses - but while it IS scary and weird go to a first meeting, for most of us, it is the most accessible (and free!) way to start a day one not drinking.
Glad you are here- let us know what you do. Hope you choose to stop and get help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
I was scared of AA at first too. When I finally went, I was probably having a panic attack and was greeted by the kindest people who sat with me and talked to me until the meeting started.
The thing about AA is that people *want* to help you, because it in turn helps them. So just let them.
An open or closed discussion meeting typically sits in a circle or in some kind of group, you begin with the serenity prayer, some announcements maybe, and the chair person either asks for a topic or suggests one for the group to discuss and share personal experience. Sometimes they go around in order, sometimes people just speak, but there is no obligation to share. However, I will say that sharing does feel very liberating. Afterwards the meeting will end with the serenity prayer, and everyone can go home. You'll probably be offered phone numbers of people in the program who you can call if you need help/feel like you want to drink, etc. Just take them, even if you feel like you won't use them. You never know.
Regardless, walking into my first AA meeting was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it also helped me change my life. It has been an instrumental part of my recovery. And as they say, you can take what you want and leave the rest. You can do it, Maria. Worst case scenario you leave and never have to go back.
Hope you keep us updated!
The thing about AA is that people *want* to help you, because it in turn helps them. So just let them.
An open or closed discussion meeting typically sits in a circle or in some kind of group, you begin with the serenity prayer, some announcements maybe, and the chair person either asks for a topic or suggests one for the group to discuss and share personal experience. Sometimes they go around in order, sometimes people just speak, but there is no obligation to share. However, I will say that sharing does feel very liberating. Afterwards the meeting will end with the serenity prayer, and everyone can go home. You'll probably be offered phone numbers of people in the program who you can call if you need help/feel like you want to drink, etc. Just take them, even if you feel like you won't use them. You never know.
Regardless, walking into my first AA meeting was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it also helped me change my life. It has been an instrumental part of my recovery. And as they say, you can take what you want and leave the rest. You can do it, Maria. Worst case scenario you leave and never have to go back.
Hope you keep us updated!
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
SMART Recovery has groups in the Toronto area most days or evenings. Check out their website. They specifically state in their guidelines that attendees do not need to speak or identify why they are there. You can just listen. Look for open meetings, open to all. The closed groups are usually part of another program, like inpatient or outpatient therapy.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Motivation and commitment to quitting are most important to success. Programs are helpful. Many recover without a program. I couldn't seem to do that. I am not a spiritual person, but I got information that was helpful. Interaction with other alcoholics was essential for me. I cobbled the useful stuff together to fashion a program of my own that didn't require believing in the spiritual parts of the program.
I also needed someplace to go each night instead of a bar, a place where I could talk to other alcoholics and gain inspiration from those at the meetings who had found success in recovery. You will get bombarded with spirituality, but it's not necessary to accept this as something you have to do/be/buy. You can decide if it's for you, or try to ignore it as best you can.
It's important to understand that to recover, you cannot drink again. Thoughts of an occasional drink have to be taken off the table. If you want to get well, you can't drink, not just one drink, ever. You need to go all out on that.
I found AA to be more of a celebration sobriety than I thought it would be. People at meetings for the most part, are very happy to be sober. It was reassuring to me to know that was possible, and it has been true for myself.
Looking for the easier softer way? It's abstinence. It's not the sacrifice you think, and you will eventually love it, and be proud of it also.
That Toronto Agnostic Alcoholic group sounds like a wonderful alternative for those who are uncomfortable with the religious aspects of AA.
I also needed someplace to go each night instead of a bar, a place where I could talk to other alcoholics and gain inspiration from those at the meetings who had found success in recovery. You will get bombarded with spirituality, but it's not necessary to accept this as something you have to do/be/buy. You can decide if it's for you, or try to ignore it as best you can.
It's important to understand that to recover, you cannot drink again. Thoughts of an occasional drink have to be taken off the table. If you want to get well, you can't drink, not just one drink, ever. You need to go all out on that.
I found AA to be more of a celebration sobriety than I thought it would be. People at meetings for the most part, are very happy to be sober. It was reassuring to me to know that was possible, and it has been true for myself.
Looking for the easier softer way? It's abstinence. It's not the sacrifice you think, and you will eventually love it, and be proud of it also.
That Toronto Agnostic Alcoholic group sounds like a wonderful alternative for those who are uncomfortable with the religious aspects of AA.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,132
I'm 61 years old and still scared to go to a meeting! You need to do what works for you. Many people go to AA and overlook the religious aspect. You would be welcomed at any AA meeting. These people are passionate about quitting alcohol and want to help you. The biggest problem with AA from what I've read on the internet is that the coffee isn't so good.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
My advice would be to use any tool available to you.
I went to only one AA meeting and it was at a year sober. I started telling myself I didn't have a real problem because I didn't go to treatment or AA. I decided to remedy that excuse and I found a meeting in the most religious county I could find and went there. I have an aversion to dogma and wanted to see if I would be triggered. They prayed, they said God probably 100 times but none of that bothered me. Is all I saw were some really shaky newcomers and a group of people trying to help them.
I went to only one AA meeting and it was at a year sober. I started telling myself I didn't have a real problem because I didn't go to treatment or AA. I decided to remedy that excuse and I found a meeting in the most religious county I could find and went there. I have an aversion to dogma and wanted to see if I would be triggered. They prayed, they said God probably 100 times but none of that bothered me. Is all I saw were some really shaky newcomers and a group of people trying to help them.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hello itsmaria,
just go. i know the fear of going to a first one, but not going kept dragging me down for my lack of courage, so finally i went
i would suggest you go to several on your list. the general format is the same, and you certainly don’t have to speak (you can just say “pass” or “i just want to listen” or any such thing). pick up some of the pamphlets that are likely to be on a literature table: the pamphlets are free and informative. they are also available on line, as is the Big Book, free on line.
if you go to several, you will find some differences and can decide which one is the best fit.
and yes, Toronto has SMART meetings. they have trained peer facilitators and a loose “program” of tools , as far as i know , and i’d encourage you to check them out also.
just go. i know the fear of going to a first one, but not going kept dragging me down for my lack of courage, so finally i went
i would suggest you go to several on your list. the general format is the same, and you certainly don’t have to speak (you can just say “pass” or “i just want to listen” or any such thing). pick up some of the pamphlets that are likely to be on a literature table: the pamphlets are free and informative. they are also available on line, as is the Big Book, free on line.
if you go to several, you will find some differences and can decide which one is the best fit.
and yes, Toronto has SMART meetings. they have trained peer facilitators and a loose “program” of tools , as far as i know , and i’d encourage you to check them out also.
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