Blackout from last nights drinking and cannot figureout anything
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 2
Blackout from last nights drinking and cannot figureout anything
Hi,
I am a PhD student in Sweden. Last night I was at the departmental Halloween party and I cannot remember the details of what I did. I remember certain things among those 1. Cutting my finger twice 2. Talking to my collegues about my job and how it sucks are most clear ones. But at some point I cannot really remember what I was doing in between time to time. I am very worried that if I have said or done something to upset my colleagues. I dont know what to do and I am having a horrible anxiety about if I had done something stupid. I am now made up my mind not to drink at all and completely quit but how can I recall what I did and what to do if I did upset my colleagues too much (though I talked my friend who confirmed that I was drunk but didn’t do anything stupid). I am panicking too much and it’s killing me what if I have done **** .... please help me
I am a PhD student in Sweden. Last night I was at the departmental Halloween party and I cannot remember the details of what I did. I remember certain things among those 1. Cutting my finger twice 2. Talking to my collegues about my job and how it sucks are most clear ones. But at some point I cannot really remember what I was doing in between time to time. I am very worried that if I have said or done something to upset my colleagues. I dont know what to do and I am having a horrible anxiety about if I had done something stupid. I am now made up my mind not to drink at all and completely quit but how can I recall what I did and what to do if I did upset my colleagues too much (though I talked my friend who confirmed that I was drunk but didn’t do anything stupid). I am panicking too much and it’s killing me what if I have done **** .... please help me
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family. 
I would suggest you focus on living sober from now on. If you need to apologize for your behavior, then do so, but the best way to handle it is to make sure it never happens again. 
I would suggest you focus on living sober from now on. If you need to apologize for your behavior, then do so, but the best way to handle it is to make sure it never happens again. RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Welcome to SR. This place is full of supportive people who understand what you are feeling.
If you were truly in blackout, chances are you won't ever remember. The brain does not store memories when in blackout. Worrying about what you might have said or done is useless. It won't change anything. You'll just have to wait and see what happens, and worrying about what might happen is also useless. Again, it won't change anything.
Hopefully, you will use this to stop drinking entirely. Once we reach the point where we black out, it happens more frequently. Please stick around and let our support help you stop for good.
If you were truly in blackout, chances are you won't ever remember. The brain does not store memories when in blackout. Worrying about what you might have said or done is useless. It won't change anything. You'll just have to wait and see what happens, and worrying about what might happen is also useless. Again, it won't change anything.
Hopefully, you will use this to stop drinking entirely. Once we reach the point where we black out, it happens more frequently. Please stick around and let our support help you stop for good.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
You won't ever be able to remember what happened if you were in a blackout. I had blackouts during the last months of my drinking too, and they are horribly scary.
Since your friend confirmed you didn't do anything stupid, just go with that. There's nothing you can you do now about what happened, except to never drink again. And, we're here to help you with that.
Since your friend confirmed you didn't do anything stupid, just go with that. There's nothing you can you do now about what happened, except to never drink again. And, we're here to help you with that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Hello Pbag,
Congrats on your decision to stop drinking. That is awesome and with continued sobriety you will never have to go through these worrisome feelings again.
From my experience blackouts are scary. The panic/anxiety/fear/loss of control is horrifying the next day. Years back I had a similar experience (I wish I had learned from) I did insult people and passed out on a respected co-workers couch. He hosted a company cookout.. The next day I was horrified and had the same feelings you are going through. Everything turned out ok in retrospect. People that cared about me were glad I was safe. I made my apology to the home owner .As the next day wore on I realized that its not all about me. People go on about their lives and are most worried about themselves..If that makes sense?
I been to a lot of after work happy hours that would last until 1am.
I am not condoning any of this behavior but to put you at ease.
Vice President falling down stairs at fancy hotels
Director of operations putting out her cigarette in VP plate during fancy Christmas party.
Married VP kissing secretary on dance floor unexpectedly.
Project manager bursting out crying in taxi with co workers due to drinking.
We are all human and people understand if you get tipsy. The thing that matters is it is not OK with you- That is the only thing that matters.. The good news is you never have to feel this way again. In the future maybe even be support for someone else that will experience this situation.
I do not think your friends would tell you everything is fine if it wasn't . They would not want you to be unprepared for an uncomfortable situation.
Please take it easy on yourself tonight. Once you get home tomorrow night you will feel so much more at ease.
Congrats on your decision to stop drinking. That is awesome and with continued sobriety you will never have to go through these worrisome feelings again.
From my experience blackouts are scary. The panic/anxiety/fear/loss of control is horrifying the next day. Years back I had a similar experience (I wish I had learned from) I did insult people and passed out on a respected co-workers couch. He hosted a company cookout.. The next day I was horrified and had the same feelings you are going through. Everything turned out ok in retrospect. People that cared about me were glad I was safe. I made my apology to the home owner .As the next day wore on I realized that its not all about me. People go on about their lives and are most worried about themselves..If that makes sense?
I been to a lot of after work happy hours that would last until 1am.
I am not condoning any of this behavior but to put you at ease.
Vice President falling down stairs at fancy hotels
Director of operations putting out her cigarette in VP plate during fancy Christmas party.
Married VP kissing secretary on dance floor unexpectedly.
Project manager bursting out crying in taxi with co workers due to drinking.
We are all human and people understand if you get tipsy. The thing that matters is it is not OK with you- That is the only thing that matters.. The good news is you never have to feel this way again. In the future maybe even be support for someone else that will experience this situation.
I do not think your friends would tell you everything is fine if it wasn't . They would not want you to be unprepared for an uncomfortable situation.
Please take it easy on yourself tonight. Once you get home tomorrow night you will feel so much more at ease.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 2
Thanks for the support. Firstly I will definitely apologize if I messed up, but to know if I said something I need ask people if I said and since I cannot remember how many people I was talking to, its seems like I have to ask everybody if I messed up or not and that’s making me feel embarrassed.
2. secondly i dont even know if the patchy memories I have are real or my imagination..... since I suffer from anxiety and overthinking so I cannot say if I did something or its my overthinking
3. thirdly, i am experiencing some kind of over thinking about small things and getting upset and also making unrealistic assumptions based on that overthinking. Now I dont know if and suffering from too much work load or what is actually causing it and dont know exactly how to find proper medical help
2. secondly i dont even know if the patchy memories I have are real or my imagination..... since I suffer from anxiety and overthinking so I cannot say if I did something or its my overthinking
3. thirdly, i am experiencing some kind of over thinking about small things and getting upset and also making unrealistic assumptions based on that overthinking. Now I dont know if and suffering from too much work load or what is actually causing it and dont know exactly how to find proper medical help
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Stick around SR check out an AA meeting. Both help me with anxiety and how to live life on life terms. Also how to quiet down my brain. I would drink to shut off my brain from the overthinking.
Makes everything much worse and created more problems that didn't even exist in the first place. A phrase that helps me tremendously
*FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS*
Makes everything much worse and created more problems that didn't even exist in the first place. A phrase that helps me tremendously
*FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS*
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Pbag - welcome
Like others have said there;s a chance you won't ever remember.
Its one of the reasons I stopped drinking, and stayed stopped.
I went through all the needing to know stuff and maybe I'm overreacting or just plain making stuff up phases too.
You can ask everyone there if you did anything wrong if you like but chances are your workmates will tell you if you did something wrong without prompting.
As hard as it is, I'd suggest you try and move on and focus instead on staying sober now.
Reputations can be restored. I was the neighbourhood bum by the end of my drinking - mothers would herd their kids away from me.
I'm not that guy anymore - I'm respected and well known for good things, not embarrassing ones.
Give people enough time and they forget
D
Like others have said there;s a chance you won't ever remember.
Its one of the reasons I stopped drinking, and stayed stopped.
I went through all the needing to know stuff and maybe I'm overreacting or just plain making stuff up phases too.
You can ask everyone there if you did anything wrong if you like but chances are your workmates will tell you if you did something wrong without prompting.
As hard as it is, I'd suggest you try and move on and focus instead on staying sober now.
Reputations can be restored. I was the neighbourhood bum by the end of my drinking - mothers would herd their kids away from me.
I'm not that guy anymore - I'm respected and well known for good things, not embarrassing ones.
Give people enough time and they forget
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by KissMyTiara 
Just talk to your colleagues/friends and say "hey I partied and drank too much last night" I apologize if I was an a-hole. It won't happen again. I am sure they have had that happen to them before.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Pbag - welcome
Like others have said there;s a chance you won't ever remember.
Its one of the reasons I stopped drinking, and stayed stopped.
I went through all the needing to know stuff and maybe I'm overreacting or just plain making stuff up phases too.
You can ask everyone there if you did anything wrong if you like but chances are your workmates will tell you if you did something wrong without prompting.
As hard as it is, I'd suggest you try and move on and focus instead on staying sober now.
Reputations can be restored. I was the neighbourhood bum by the end of my drinking - mothers would herd their kids away from me.
I'm not that guy anymore - I'm respected and well known for good things, not embarrassing ones.
Give people enough time and they forget
D
Like others have said there;s a chance you won't ever remember.
Its one of the reasons I stopped drinking, and stayed stopped.
I went through all the needing to know stuff and maybe I'm overreacting or just plain making stuff up phases too.
You can ask everyone there if you did anything wrong if you like but chances are your workmates will tell you if you did something wrong without prompting.
As hard as it is, I'd suggest you try and move on and focus instead on staying sober now.
Reputations can be restored. I was the neighbourhood bum by the end of my drinking - mothers would herd their kids away from me.
I'm not that guy anymore - I'm respected and well known for good things, not embarrassing ones.
Give people enough time and they forget
D
Faith
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by Pbag1993
3. Now I dont know if and suffering from too much work load or what is actually causing it and dont know exactly how to find proper medical help
As far as medical help, step #1 is don’t drink. Perhaps, however, you might need anxiety medication at least at the start. I used it and it was a lifesaver. I’m now six months sober and have a bigger and better job that I did when I too got smashed at the work party. So, I really do understand.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
From what I'm learning, anxiety, depression and stress are a few of the things that happen to your body because of the alcohol. As you come off the alcohol, you will experience a lot of very bad side effects as your body adjusts and processes out the alcohol from your system. The more you continue to drink, the worse things become over time. A lot of people become chronic drinkers because they end up drinking the next day to relieve themselves of the physical/emotional pain caused by the previous nights drinking. Another thing that happens as that our bodies have a tremendous ability to rebound so we end up forgetting about the painful experiences caused by alcohol after a few days, as our body has adjusted, and we end up drinking again and doing the same things all over again. Hope you feel better and wish you well.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
It's likely that what you don't remember was just more of the same as the parts you do remember.
I wanted to comment on your decision to quit drinking over this. You are making the right call here and never doubt it. I remember very vividly the morning after my first blackout. I knew something had changed and I didn't drink for a few weeks after that. It was a warning to me and I didn't heed it. One of my best friend's husbands had the same thing happen to him and, like you, he stopped drinking because of it. Very smart move. I put myself through hell because I wasn't so smart.
I wanted to comment on your decision to quit drinking over this. You are making the right call here and never doubt it. I remember very vividly the morning after my first blackout. I knew something had changed and I didn't drink for a few weeks after that. It was a warning to me and I didn't heed it. One of my best friend's husbands had the same thing happen to him and, like you, he stopped drinking because of it. Very smart move. I put myself through hell because I wasn't so smart.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
Alcohol can play nasty tricks with anxiety. In the short run it's great but the anxiety will return supercharged. Alcohol can be absolutely wicked if you struggle with anxiety. When I would drink more frequently even without going into a regretful blackout the anxiety I felt day to day would get worse.
Most of the time after a nasty blackout once I spoke to the parties involved I felt better. The anticipation of what happened and what people might think is usually the worst of it.
Most of the time after a nasty blackout once I spoke to the parties involved I felt better. The anticipation of what happened and what people might think is usually the worst of it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
I read somewhere that blackouts happen because your brain can't form new memories. If this is what happened to you, it is impossible to remember, because there is nothing to be remembered, if that makes sense. You never made memories to start with.
There is nothing worse than a blackout to fuel the anxieety already caused by alcohol.
There is nothing worse than a blackout to fuel the anxieety already caused by alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by Pbag1993
[left]Hi,
I am a PhD student in Sweden. Last night I was at the departmental Halloween party and I cannot remember the details of what I did. I remember certain things among those... But at some point I cannot really remember what I was doing in between time to time.
I am a PhD student in Sweden. Last night I was at the departmental Halloween party and I cannot remember the details of what I did. I remember certain things among those... But at some point I cannot really remember what I was doing in between time to time.
I'm attempting to respond to your plea for help, but the best I can do is tell you is this particular consequence of drinking did scare me and occurred near a year prior to what became a downward spiral in my drinking where I finally quit. I wish I would have quit sooner, because the fog experience was a harbinger of horrible things to come. I don't wish the spiral on anyone. But what you experienced is all part of the eventual loss of control of what alcoholism is.
Stay here for a while and learn more of what you are in for on this path, and how joyful your life can be without drinking. And that is the cure; Not moderation, but putting down the jug for good. Sounds like a lot to ask of yourself, but it's not the sacrifice you think and the new life can be startlingly pleasing.
My grandmother and grandfather came to the US on a boat when they were children. My grandfather was an alcoholic, which bothered my grandmother immensely. He finally up and quit in his 70s after drinking heavily for years. I don't know, maybe us Swedes come by this thing thing naturally, but I doubt it. The German side of my family on my mother's side seems to have the bigger problem, but my grandfather might disagree. My mother and father rented the downstairs apartment from him, and I remember that my grandfather had a beer delivery guy that would cart in several cases and pick up the empty bottles on a regular schedule. He had a key to the basement where he would deliver and pick up. I never knew anyone else that had a beer delivery guy.
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