Change of plans
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Change of plans
I just cancelled a day trip I had planned for tomorrow. I had invited a young friend to go with me.
This friend told me last weekend he had just come down off a drunk after being sober for almost a year. The past couple of days, he is acting like a drunk. Forgetful and unresponsive.
When they tell you what they have had to drink, it is always more than they tell you. It is always worse than they let on.
At this point, I have such an aversion to that disease, I chose to cancel the trip than risk hanging out with someone who is no longer sober.
This friend told me last weekend he had just come down off a drunk after being sober for almost a year. The past couple of days, he is acting like a drunk. Forgetful and unresponsive.
When they tell you what they have had to drink, it is always more than they tell you. It is always worse than they let on.
At this point, I have such an aversion to that disease, I chose to cancel the trip than risk hanging out with someone who is no longer sober.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 
I am sorry you had to cancel your trip, but I definitely would have done the same (or went w/out friend).
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The most urgent matter surrounding this friend is his fiance. They do not live together. She is an amazing girl.
He told me she suggested he use me as an accountability partner. In other words, she is apparently worried and trying to get others involved to keep him sober. I can't, per the three Cs.
I pray for her a LOT. We all know women who made babies with a drunk and end up here on these pages.
He told me she suggested he use me as an accountability partner. In other words, she is apparently worried and trying to get others involved to keep him sober. I can't, per the three Cs.
I pray for her a LOT. We all know women who made babies with a drunk and end up here on these pages.
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Yes! I often feel I offend people when I say please, please don't procreate with an addict.
Just because he wants you to be an accountability partner does not mean you have to accept that position you know. He needs a full blown sponsor if he wants real recovery.
In the mean time, reschedule the trip (I won't tell), and continue to pray. That's all you can do!
Just because he wants you to be an accountability partner does not mean you have to accept that position you know. He needs a full blown sponsor if he wants real recovery.
In the mean time, reschedule the trip (I won't tell), and continue to pray. That's all you can do!
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Eauchiche,
I with Hopeful4 in that your friend need to get to a AA meeting and get with a sponsor. He needs to help himself. You can't do it for him.
I too would reschedule your trip. you deserve to have fun. Don't let this stand in you way. By the way Hopeful4 forgot to encrypt her post to you. I know she told you to reschedule your trip. Novice spy mistake. LOL. Be strong and have a great day.
Song of the week: Lauren Daigle "Rescue"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYR0xP1j4PY
I with Hopeful4 in that your friend need to get to a AA meeting and get with a sponsor. He needs to help himself. You can't do it for him.
I too would reschedule your trip. you deserve to have fun. Don't let this stand in you way. By the way Hopeful4 forgot to encrypt her post to you. I know she told you to reschedule your trip. Novice spy mistake. LOL. Be strong and have a great day.
Song of the week: Lauren Daigle "Rescue"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYR0xP1j4PY
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Originally Posted by velma929
I read someplace that when a doctor or nurse in the emergency room asks how much you drink, they always assume it's more than you admit to.
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Originally Posted by Eauchiche
I pray for her a LOT. We all know women who made babies with a drunk and end up here on these pages.
I'm not one to take offense really but that comment seems very harsh and there are a lot of women on this forum that have or had alcoholic partners. Making a base statement like "women who made babies with a drunk" seems very derogatory and judgmental to those women.
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I think I can positively say that was not meant in any derogatory way. I too have two children with my XAH. It did take two to tango. However, what I was not prepared for was the hurt and anguish that comes with parenting with an addict. To experience my own pain was one thing, but to see the affects my children have went through and trying to protect them nearly killed me. That was not what I was thinking about when I was expecting.
Originally Posted by trailmix
First of all, it takes two to tango and I hope you aren't giving the "drunks" a free pass.
I'm not one to take offense really but that comment seems very harsh and there are a lot of women on this forum that have or had alcoholic partners. Making a base statement like "women who made babies with a drunk" seems very derogatory and judgmental to those women.
I'm not one to take offense really but that comment seems very harsh and there are a lot of women on this forum that have or had alcoholic partners. Making a base statement like "women who made babies with a drunk" seems very derogatory and judgmental to those women.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
First of all, it takes two to tango and I hope you aren't giving the "drunks" a free pass.
I'm not one to take offense really but that comment seems very harsh and there are a lot of women on this forum that have or had alcoholic partners. Making a base statement like "women who made babies with a drunk" seems very derogatory and judgmental to those women.
I'm not one to take offense really but that comment seems very harsh and there are a lot of women on this forum that have or had alcoholic partners. Making a base statement like "women who made babies with a drunk" seems very derogatory and judgmental to those women.
Anybody who knows me here or anywhere else knows that I never give drunks a “free pass.”
sorry you’re having such a bad day.
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Originally Posted by Eauchiche View Post
I pray for her a LOT. We all know women who made babies with a drunk and end up here on these pages.
I pray for her a LOT. We all know women who made babies with a drunk and end up here on these pages.
I'm with Trailmix on this. I saw that line and was like how can you say something like that. I ignored it and tried to continue to help you. I don't think Trailmix is not having a bad day. She is one of the most helpful people on this board. The statement you made was very harsh and wrong. The women on the forum come here for support and help. Not to be put down. Just to let you know. I'm not having a bad day.
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Originally Posted by ironwill
Eauchiche,
I'm with Trailmix on this. I saw that line and was like how can you say something like that. I ignored it and tried to continue to help you. I don't think Trailmix is not having a bad day. She is one of the most helpful people on this board. The statement you made was very harsh and wrong. The women on the forum come here for support and help. Not to be put down. Just to let you know. I'm not having a bad day.
I'm with Trailmix on this. I saw that line and was like how can you say something like that. I ignored it and tried to continue to help you. I don't think Trailmix is not having a bad day. She is one of the most helpful people on this board. The statement you made was very harsh and wrong. The women on the forum come here for support and help. Not to be put down. Just to let you know. I'm not having a bad day.
i do not wish to offend anyone, especially the women here.
I did not make that statement trying to put anyone down. I am a former drunk who married another drunk once upon a time.
Let me ask you this: would you love someone more who soft pedaled things, or who got in someone’s face about to make a colossal mistake?
I vote for bluntness when this poor girl I spoke of could end up back at Mom and Dads house with 4-5 children in a very few years. They are talking about having 4-5 kids together. We see this ALL THE TIME.
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Originally Posted by dawnrising
I hope you went on that vacation all alone no reason to let your friend ruin a nice vacation.
I’m planning to go tomorrow. It’s just a one-day er.
Meanwhile, the young friend has bought his girlfriend an engagement ring and plans to propose to her this weekend.
Nobody is asking my advice over there, so I am staying out of it. If I were her daddy, I would tell her to let him get at least a year of sobriety before she marries him.
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"Nobody is asking my advice over there, so I am staying out of it. If I were her daddy, I would tell her to let him get at least a year of sobriety before she marries him. "
There was a time I would have agreed with this. Now, I don't see an issue
with giving someone my opinion - once. Always stressing how much you
care for them and you want to see them succeed.
There was a time I would have agreed with this. Now, I don't see an issue
with giving someone my opinion - once. Always stressing how much you
care for them and you want to see them succeed.
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Originally Posted by Mango212
Hi Eauchiche,
How did you find recovery from alcoholism? Is this something that could be applied more deeply for the effects of having alcoholic friends and/or family?
How did you find recovery from alcoholism? Is this something that could be applied more deeply for the effects of having alcoholic friends and/or family?
Sorry for the late response to this.I was out of town at a conference and just now saw it.
I know people get addicted for many reasons. In my case, the drinking was directly tied to my codependency. I would surround myself with sick people who drove me crazy, then turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism.
After 30 years, I had lost everything and was totally burned out. When I quit drinking, I was SO ready to give the stuff up.
I am very careful now who I let in my inner circle, although I have several good friends and many good acquaintances. I have found that I can be loving towards others without letting them captivate my heart. Recovery from codependency is my primary focus.
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Just wanted to do an update here. The reason is, I believe this is an object lesson that we should all "trust our gut" when there seems to be trouble.
At this stage in my recovery, I am painfully aware how I still have the ability to attract addicts. Maybe this awareness helps me avoid getting in too deep when a new one comes into my life.
The young man I originally posted about has had his life come unraveled. He is working up north now, away from his new fiance. I won't even begin to tell all the details.
When we talked last, all of his troubles were due to misdeeds by someone else. He spared no details about how great his life is, and how sober he is staying.
I think his move up north might be his fiance's "higher power", whom I call God, protecting her by the distance.
The difficult thing, is that this guy is not a bad guy. He has many positive qualities. Don't all addicts? The issue is when someone is not aggressively working a program with a long time of sobriety under their belt, especially when they are engaged to be married and start having kids.
At this stage in my recovery, I am painfully aware how I still have the ability to attract addicts. Maybe this awareness helps me avoid getting in too deep when a new one comes into my life.
The young man I originally posted about has had his life come unraveled. He is working up north now, away from his new fiance. I won't even begin to tell all the details.
When we talked last, all of his troubles were due to misdeeds by someone else. He spared no details about how great his life is, and how sober he is staying.
I think his move up north might be his fiance's "higher power", whom I call God, protecting her by the distance.
The difficult thing, is that this guy is not a bad guy. He has many positive qualities. Don't all addicts? The issue is when someone is not aggressively working a program with a long time of sobriety under their belt, especially when they are engaged to be married and start having kids.
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