abgator

Since it was mentioned in another thread and I've heard it talked about a number of times in AA, I'm curious how many year did it and what value they truly got out of it. Is it more about discipline than the meeting itself or what?

I'm close to narrowing it down to which meeting I want my Home group to be and choose a sponsor, but I'm not particularly looking forward to the 90 in 90 suggestion. I won't do it because I simply don't have the time. I won't sacrifice time with my daughter, away from work, or my equal AA/Gym time to attend a meeting every day (or 2 in some days to make up).

Any input? Thanks

Ghostlight1

I always assumed it is for the heavy drinker giving them something to do in early sobriety besides drink and establishing a new routine that doesn't revolve around drinking.
I actually think it's a good idea. Addendum; for those that need it.
I have a friend who did a hundred and thirty in ninety days.
He stopped going to meetings after nine years sober. He drank himself to death.
I say do it if you can. If not, go when you can.

abgator

Yeah, go when I can is basically where I lean towards. I don't reckon it really applies to me as much as it would others, as you noted. On my own will power and desire to not die quite as fast, I went from a daily, heavy drinker a year ago to just binging almost killing myself for a week every 4 to 12 weeks.

nez

I honestly have no idea if I did 90 in 90 or not, but I doubt it. Meetings will not magically keep me sober, but they sure don't hurt. Working my recovery is what keeps me sober. Meetings are are a wonderful tool and gift that have been freely given to me to utilize. I do know that if I start looking at reasons not to go to a meeting, that is the very time that I need to go.

I also don't look at going to meetings as sacrificing time, but rather look at it as time spent reinforcing my recovery. Without recovery there would truly be sacrifices. I would have no time with my daughter, because everyone involved would know that it would not be in her best interest. I would have no time for my business, because I wouldn't have one. I would have no time for the gym, because I would be too busy bending my elbow.

Early in my recovery when I was asking a mentor about how many meetings and how often I needed to go to meetings. His response was "You need to go until you want to go." At the time I thought it was a glib stupid one liner. Sixteen years later, I now know it as simple truth. For me, life saving truth.

August252015

There are a lot of reasons for the long-standing suggestion. I think I made 82 in 90, and the missed ones were prob bc I was at various drs and such and I was not capable of driving myself or being safe on public transport for a bit.

To get in the habit of going to meetings, for sure
To begin to learn the program (which is not just going to meetings- and it takes time to even begin to "get it")
To realize that we should look for similarities, not differences, to each other
To see what others living sober lives have that we don't- whatever brought us to the point of thinking we had a problem with alcohol and came to AA.

Plenty more- like finding a sponsor and starting to work the program during this time. Statistically, 90 days is also a big marker for those likely to stay sober.

Lots of people have the "I can't make the time" thing and it can be legit, or not, or sort of....for me, it came down to whatever it takes. My husband was very irritated when his first sponsor told him to do it (we'd been doing one a week together and he hadn't decided to actually work the program yet) - but he grudgingly worked it into his calendar (he doubled up on wkds bc his work schedule just didn't allow a730 every morning) and he saw all the reasons why it was such an excellent directive. Interestingly, to us at least, right after he finished the 90/90, a few things happened that would have TRULY made it near impossible to have done it. Good timing, hmm.

I was also told early to "go to a meeting when you want to, go when you don't want to - just go." As I've gone along I've had various sweet spots for meetings per week but pretty consistently 4-6 keeps me on a good emotional balance. I'm feeling the lack right now because I've been largely house-bound after back surgery and have other limitations around sitting when I do go out.

I'd suggest it - or 30/30- to everyone. If you're going to actually do AA, then do it.

ColoradoRocky

Dear A.B.Gator,

I suggest (and my suggestions are always brilliant! )
that you are thinking way too far ahead and tying yourself up.

I suggest you make thirty meetings in thirty days no matter what it takes, and then see how you feel about it at that point.

least

I have read that it takes about three months to break an old habit, to retrain your brain's neural pathways. But the purpose of meetings is to bring the knowledge of the AA program (the 12 steps) to newcomers.

I didn't do 90 in 90, but did go to my home group meeting once a week for the first year.

I too would say, go to meetings when you can, and practice the principles of the program in your daily life.

August252015

Just a thought I forgot before- I didn't "wait" to find a homegroup. That would have been putting off the very necessary start to AA I had to have. Over time, I have moved on from the large clubhouse that a lot of newcomers attend- going sometimes as a longer term person, mainly in service to newcomers I guess- and found a couple other meetings that are good for where I am now, in different ways.

tomsteve

its a good suggestion(i didnt make 90/90 but there was a week i did 11/7 in there) but going to meetings and not drinking dont treat alcoholism.
its the steps that does that.
good on ya for thinking about it, abgator. ya gotta have balance and its not good to push aside responsibilities.

DriGuy

It depends on the person and why they are bothering to go. And the recommendation did kind of sound like an AA attempt to increase membership to me, but I didn't care what the reason was. I decided early on it was something I was going to do because I gained so much from the first meeting I went to. Subsequent meetings sometimes offered much more, and other times not much at all. But I never knew when a gem would turn up. I felt no discipline behind my choice. I just wanted to be there.

For all my telling others what they need to do, all I really know is what worked for me, but generally, I would make that 90 day recommendation to any newcomer, but what I'd be meaning would just be "Do a lot of meetings," not necessarily 90/90, but surely more than once a month. I don't know what the exact number is or should be. Test the waters, including the steps, if something works, take it. If not, don't beat a dead horse. It's fine to steer clear of things that don't work, but I'd try them first. I rejected more tips and "cardinal rules" than I accepted.

Recovery does require investigation. There's so many "Do this/Do that" avenues to pursue. Some are dead ends or blind alleys. Some are helpful, and those that are helpful are so only at an individual level. What works for one person won't work for everyone. You have to find what works for you, but it is without question a search. I enjoyed the search.

August252015

Bwahaha at an attempt to increase membership- too funny.

DriGuy

Three days a week seemed like it was a place for old timers to settle. My sponsor showed up Monday, Wednesday, and Friday like clockwork, but I don't think I ever saw him show up any other day of the week ever. Those three nights, if measured by attendance, were good nights. Friday night was huge.

Having committed myself to 90/90 it was sometimes discouraging to show up and find it was me and two other members on a Tuesday night, usually one other newbie doing the 90/90, and maybe some guy that didn't have anything else to do that night. I used to wonder where everyone was, and why they weren't taking attendance seriously. I felt like I needed them, but I never said a word about it. Sometimes something useful happened on the off nights too, so I was still OK.

As per discipline, since my previous post, I have given this more thought. There was a small amount of self discipline behind it. At first, it was because I recognized at my first meeting, that if I was at a meeting I would be sober until the next night. After work, I wouldn't drink because a meeting was coming up in three hours. I didn't drink during the meeting obviously, and after the meeting, I felt refreshed and looking forward to the the next evening. A day at a meeting, was a day without drinking. I can't explain why that worked. It just worked for me. So I kept on doing it long after I needed a meeting like a daily medication.

Others may not find that mechanism to work. I've never heard one other person talk about meetings having such a profound effect, but I have heard people say they needed meetings or they would drink, but no one ever explained why they thought that was true. And some went to meetings and still got sloshed. So it's one of those "use what works for you" things.

Whatever they dynamic involved, going to a meeting every night is sure to disrupt the pattern of spending the whole night at the bar every night. And I think most here agree that we need to change our habits to change or big habit.

abgator

Well, "waiting" isn't an accurate word for me. There are a lot of meetings around me and unfortunately some of them overlap, making it impossible to get to some in the same weekend as others. So some during the week I go to each week, but others I have to wait an extra week to try it out. I'm not the type to buy the first vehicle I test drive.....

abgator

I haven't pushed aside responsibilities, but I have rearranged them a little. My boss knows all about it and that my recovery is important or the rest suffers. Like today, I'm working from home because I have a therapy appt, a teacher conference, and an AA meeting. So I'll put in 7 or 8 hours, but it'll take me 12-14 hours to do it. I have my parents watch my kid while I go to an AA meeting on Sat, Sun or both.

Trying to find that balance can be tricky, but it's important. I know myself and even though I kinda like going to AA meetings now, I know that strictly AA and the 12 steps alone won't work for me if I'm not also getting the physical exercise I need or spending enough time with the youngster.

I guess it also helps that, as I said, I don't crave or think about alcohol most days. It's the trigger/meltdown I have when I'm alone on a Saturday night every 6 weeks, give or take, that I relapse. Day to day is easy for me.

ColoradoRocky

Okay.

Callas

I think the concept is all about discipline. It is so needed for the addict. Also saying that you only relapse every six weeks therefor do not need the discipline somewhat begs the question. That really is not helping you.

abgator

I in no way said I didn't need the discipline

Only that my situation is slightly different than most alcoholics who have a day to day struggle. I know my trigger, my pattern, and a craving for alcohol isn't actually the problem. It's just an effect of the cause, which is why I'm in CBT.

january161992

There's a thing in AA called "Pass it on".

Passing it on ...


Step 1 in the book 12 steps/ 12 traditions

Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom
first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to
practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom.
For practicing A.A.’s remaining eleven Steps means the
adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic
who is still drinking can dream of taking. Who wishes to
be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess
his faults to another and make restitution for harm done?
Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone
meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy
in trying to carry A.A.’s message to the next sufferer? No,
the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn’t
care for this prospect—unless he has to do these things in
order to stay alive himself.

ColoradoRocky

This is the kind of rationalization, the feeling of being different, splitting hairs, that keeps people drinking, sometimes to death. I'm not saying it will happen to you, Gator, only that what you're saying sounds all too familiar to me.

I've known confirmed, self-admitted alcoholics who drank round the clock, 24/7. I've known daily drinkers.

I was pretty much a daily drinker. I remember waking up one day adn thinking, "I think I'll try staying not drunk, but just about drunk all day and night." Fortunately that experiment didn't last too long.

Some of the people I hung out with drank only at night, never before or at work. I remember particulary well a buddy who just needed a morning "pick me up."

I've known guys who nearly drank themselves to death drinking every six or seven weeks. I knew three guys who actually did drink themselves to death drinking on weekends.

As difficult as may be to believe, I met a man in AA who lost everything he had and was brought to the point of suicide drinking on his birthday and on New Years.

A lot of these "unfortunates" (!) didn't really have huge cravings in between.

You can take my experience and what I've seen over the years in other people for what it's worth, but I'd rather see you willingly and openly fit 30 meetings in 30 days into your set of priorities and then take it from there.

Stopping drinking may not be your only priorty, may not be your most important priority, but I'd suggest you seriously consider it your FIRST priority before you get to the point of not having to worry about all those other things and people because they're gone.

SoberCAH

Thanks for the update on your sobriety efforts.

For me, I didn't look forward to the notion of going to 90 meetings in 90 days.

But I did it, and I have been sober ever since.

Each time we draw a line in the sand about what we will and won't to do get and stay sober, we are, in effect, saying that my sobriety (for me my life, my wife, my career, etc.) is more important than everything, with the exceptions of _____________, _____________, _____________, __________ and ______________.

And that list will continue to grow and grow until our sobriety is really not a priority at all.

I'm giving a 6 year chip to a sponsee next month.

He went through treatment, started going to meetings and then rather quickly began to cut back, sometimes for compelling reasons (children's sporting events).

Problem was, he relapsed for 2 - 3 years.

He brought an entirely different attitude into the treatment center the next time around and he has done a wonderful job.

His experience is quite typical.

I don't make exceptions relating to my sobriety today, and I have been sober for a long time.

But my sobriety continues to be my primary focus every day without exception.

I would go to the 90 in 90 meetings without further question.