ReTreading again.
Only by the Grace of God....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Gratitude and Thanks
Posts: 83
ReTreading again.
Hello All, :hello2
This is my first post to your forum. Since I didn't make a meeting today or even talk to my sponsor, I needed to share with other alkis. I've been in and around AA for about 5 years. My 1st meeting was about 20+ years ago with my father. Thankfully he's got 25 sober years under his belt.
I'm currently 32 (belly button). I keep on f***ng relapsing. And want to figure out why. (sorry I don't normally cuss, but I'm a little pissed off as to why I can't get it together, or let God get it together for me) Do I really want to???
Anyway....I started into AA about 5 years ago. I was able to put together periods of sobriety (60 d, 6 mos, 9 mos, etc.) and then I would relapse. Lately I just blew nearly 3 years of sobriety in July. Believe it or not, my AA B-Day was 9-11-01. I decided on 9-10-01 that it was it, and then woke up the next morning to the WTC stuff. (God giving me a wake-up call for sure). Oh well, I blew it in July '04, put together 100 days and blew it again.
I'm getting tired of it and my wife is too. I've gotten back to meetings, reconnected with my sponsor and started back on step 1.
If ANYONE has any other suggestions to prevent another relapse, I would truly be grateful.
Thank You
Sean
This is my first post to your forum. Since I didn't make a meeting today or even talk to my sponsor, I needed to share with other alkis. I've been in and around AA for about 5 years. My 1st meeting was about 20+ years ago with my father. Thankfully he's got 25 sober years under his belt.
I'm currently 32 (belly button). I keep on f***ng relapsing. And want to figure out why. (sorry I don't normally cuss, but I'm a little pissed off as to why I can't get it together, or let God get it together for me) Do I really want to???
Anyway....I started into AA about 5 years ago. I was able to put together periods of sobriety (60 d, 6 mos, 9 mos, etc.) and then I would relapse. Lately I just blew nearly 3 years of sobriety in July. Believe it or not, my AA B-Day was 9-11-01. I decided on 9-10-01 that it was it, and then woke up the next morning to the WTC stuff. (God giving me a wake-up call for sure). Oh well, I blew it in July '04, put together 100 days and blew it again.
I'm getting tired of it and my wife is too. I've gotten back to meetings, reconnected with my sponsor and started back on step 1.
If ANYONE has any other suggestions to prevent another relapse, I would truly be grateful.
Thank You
Sean
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Sean,
Don't have any answers you don't already know, don't pick up and go to meetings. I have a question though that may help all of us: as best you remember, what goes through your mind in the moments before you do decide that sobriety just isn't worth it? Something I've heard alot of people in and out of the program say is that a relapse has already happened well before you get that first drink to your lips. But if we start at the end and work backwards, all of us together might be able to put together a map of the path we want to avoid walking down.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Don't have any answers you don't already know, don't pick up and go to meetings. I have a question though that may help all of us: as best you remember, what goes through your mind in the moments before you do decide that sobriety just isn't worth it? Something I've heard alot of people in and out of the program say is that a relapse has already happened well before you get that first drink to your lips. But if we start at the end and work backwards, all of us together might be able to put together a map of the path we want to avoid walking down.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Gosh that sounds so familiar. But the disease is INSANE. We repeat patterns and yet expect different outcomes. My last binge was sooo very bad. But we are told that we have to reach Rock Bottom. That is a very sad legacy of this disease. I have had many periods of sobriety but know now that these were not real insofaras I was always planning my next drink.
A path to recovery......real and honest recovery begs that we close the door to those elements that cause relapse. Just keep reading threads, do your AA meetings but try and listen with an open heart. Fake it till you make it is a good one - but I cannot afford to fake it anymore - NOW is the time for recovery as there are no more chances for me. Let us all get better together....Luvs Ama
A path to recovery......real and honest recovery begs that we close the door to those elements that cause relapse. Just keep reading threads, do your AA meetings but try and listen with an open heart. Fake it till you make it is a good one - but I cannot afford to fake it anymore - NOW is the time for recovery as there are no more chances for me. Let us all get better together....Luvs Ama
The Serenity Plus Plan
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 157
Going to meetings, not picking up, coming to Sober Recovery, exercising, and just trying to be good to myself all help.
I hit many bottoms, and then I hit the real bottom - at least it was for me. The pain - emotional pain - was so intense, it is something that I will never be able to forget. For me that was the main motivational factor never to drink again and go to AA. I could not do this on my own. I tried and failed and even when sober I wasn't really sober - just a dry drunk. I hope that you never have to reach that bottom.
People have said that alcoholism is a disease thats only purpose is to kill you -physically, emotionally and spiritually and I'm sure a thousand other ways.
I just had to make that commitment never to go back to where I was and to use AA, Sober Recovery, and any tool in the arsenal to stay sober. It's hard work, but you are definitely worth it.
I wish you the best of luck.
Richard
I hit many bottoms, and then I hit the real bottom - at least it was for me. The pain - emotional pain - was so intense, it is something that I will never be able to forget. For me that was the main motivational factor never to drink again and go to AA. I could not do this on my own. I tried and failed and even when sober I wasn't really sober - just a dry drunk. I hope that you never have to reach that bottom.
People have said that alcoholism is a disease thats only purpose is to kill you -physically, emotionally and spiritually and I'm sure a thousand other ways.
I just had to make that commitment never to go back to where I was and to use AA, Sober Recovery, and any tool in the arsenal to stay sober. It's hard work, but you are definitely worth it.
I wish you the best of luck.
Richard
Only by the Grace of God....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Gratitude and Thanks
Posts: 83
Thanks All for your comments.
I am so very grateful that someone was out there last night, to chat with. Thx LeA. It was late and didn't want to wake my sponsor.
Boy in terms of the path that led me back to the insanity and the 1st drink (locamotive) was the following:
Lots of stress (trying to control my life to much), no meetings, not enough true prayer, no daily repreive from the disease through God - (by choice), not enough honesty with the people in the program and with my family and with myself.
I just got "busy" and delved into my other addiction - workaholism. Got tied up with the addiction of success and materials - "I've got to do this and that, and don't have time for meetings...etc. etc. etc....." STUPID.
I didn't understand the true meaning of "anihilation of all things worthwhile in life" from page 18 BB.
In terms of my "bottom", it has always (gratefully) been an emotional bottom - never lost family, jobs, etc. (but have lost large sums of $$ due to stupid or lazy decisions made while under the influence). So I consider myself a "high-bottom" drunk, and they WARN about us high-bottom drunks in the BB. Maybe we didn't go low enough.
I'll tell you this much though, this last step out of sobriety 11 days ago, which lasted less than 24 hours, was a scary experience. I could definately sense that if I continued, I could be laying in the gutter in less than a blink of an eye. I almost drove my 3 young children 1 1/2 hours in the fog at night. Thank GOD for my wife, who stopped me. It's insane what the disease will do to all things that are worthwhile in my life -( IT WILL ANIHILATE THEM - is what the BB tells me)
That darkness was creeping in...that darkness that says just feed me more alcohol until you pass out and everything will be grand. That monster that wants to kill me is always lurking - cunning, baffling, powerful, - and always patient. Always lurking and waiting for me not to do the things that keep me sober for the next 24 hours.
So happy that this forum is here. Thank you I'll be back. Now I get to go stuff Turkey into my belly. Take Care
God Bless everyone and have a Happy and Grateful Thanksgiving.
Sean
I am so very grateful that someone was out there last night, to chat with. Thx LeA. It was late and didn't want to wake my sponsor.
Boy in terms of the path that led me back to the insanity and the 1st drink (locamotive) was the following:
Lots of stress (trying to control my life to much), no meetings, not enough true prayer, no daily repreive from the disease through God - (by choice), not enough honesty with the people in the program and with my family and with myself.
I just got "busy" and delved into my other addiction - workaholism. Got tied up with the addiction of success and materials - "I've got to do this and that, and don't have time for meetings...etc. etc. etc....." STUPID.
I didn't understand the true meaning of "anihilation of all things worthwhile in life" from page 18 BB.
In terms of my "bottom", it has always (gratefully) been an emotional bottom - never lost family, jobs, etc. (but have lost large sums of $$ due to stupid or lazy decisions made while under the influence). So I consider myself a "high-bottom" drunk, and they WARN about us high-bottom drunks in the BB. Maybe we didn't go low enough.
I'll tell you this much though, this last step out of sobriety 11 days ago, which lasted less than 24 hours, was a scary experience. I could definately sense that if I continued, I could be laying in the gutter in less than a blink of an eye. I almost drove my 3 young children 1 1/2 hours in the fog at night. Thank GOD for my wife, who stopped me. It's insane what the disease will do to all things that are worthwhile in my life -( IT WILL ANIHILATE THEM - is what the BB tells me)
That darkness was creeping in...that darkness that says just feed me more alcohol until you pass out and everything will be grand. That monster that wants to kill me is always lurking - cunning, baffling, powerful, - and always patient. Always lurking and waiting for me not to do the things that keep me sober for the next 24 hours.
So happy that this forum is here. Thank you I'll be back. Now I get to go stuff Turkey into my belly. Take Care
God Bless everyone and have a Happy and Grateful Thanksgiving.
Sean
Only by the Grace of God....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Gratitude and Thanks
Posts: 83
happyman,
to answere you question:
Yes I went through/did the steps. BUT I did not do step 12 worth a darn. I did not stay involved with service or working with others...to busy ha, ha.
I've started working back with my sponsor and back to step One.
Thx for asking.
Sean
to answere you question:
Yes I went through/did the steps. BUT I did not do step 12 worth a darn. I did not stay involved with service or working with others...to busy ha, ha.
I've started working back with my sponsor and back to step One.
Thx for asking.
Sean
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Lots of stress (trying to control my life to much), no meetings, not enough true prayer, no daily repreive from the disease through God - (by choice), not enough honesty with the people in the program and with my family and with myself.
I just got "busy" and delved into my other addiction - workaholism. Got tied up with the addiction of success and materials - "I've got to do this and that, and don't have time for meetings...etc. etc. etc....." STUPID.
I just got "busy" and delved into my other addiction - workaholism. Got tied up with the addiction of success and materials - "I've got to do this and that, and don't have time for meetings...etc. etc. etc....." STUPID.
Bzzzzt. Sorry, I'm afraid that answer is incorrect. Thanks for playing anyway.
Serious thanks to you for the reminder that nothing is more important than my continued sobriety. Nothing.One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
This is a very relevant thread for me.
When I started AA a couple of months ago, I was determined that I woulf fit meetings around my work commitments. Interestingly, after only a couple of weeks, I began to schedule my work commitments around meetings.
This doesn't mean becoming a slave to the programme for me. Quite the opposite in fact. Making the commitment to meetings and following the programme has given me the ability to control my work better and manage more time for leisure etc.
It's just something which works for me. AA really has helped me to achieve a balance. My days are fuller than ever, but every day includes all the stuff I need to do, time for what I want to do - both on my own and with my fiancee -, and even a bit of slack time.
I guess everyone needs to find their own way of working problems out. I hope you find yours.
It works ifyou work it.
Rich
When I started AA a couple of months ago, I was determined that I woulf fit meetings around my work commitments. Interestingly, after only a couple of weeks, I began to schedule my work commitments around meetings.
This doesn't mean becoming a slave to the programme for me. Quite the opposite in fact. Making the commitment to meetings and following the programme has given me the ability to control my work better and manage more time for leisure etc.
It's just something which works for me. AA really has helped me to achieve a balance. My days are fuller than ever, but every day includes all the stuff I need to do, time for what I want to do - both on my own and with my fiancee -, and even a bit of slack time.
I guess everyone needs to find their own way of working problems out. I hope you find yours.
It works ifyou work it.
Rich
Only by the Grace of God....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Gratitude and Thanks
Posts: 83
Hey All,
Just part of my honesty with this program...I f***ing relapsed again yesterday. for no apparrant reason other than the grip of the disease has me full throttle.
I'm going to treatment for 30 days on Tuesday. My dad of 25 years sober and a rehab counseler is setting it up for me. I'm going to miss Christmas with my family etc. etc. etc. but What is Life Worth??? It is worth missing 30 days to get broken and surrendered..
Please wish me luck and if I am not able to post on this board over the next 30 days, may God be with you all in your search for the happy road of destiny, and PEACE. :8a:
sean
Just part of my honesty with this program...I f***ing relapsed again yesterday. for no apparrant reason other than the grip of the disease has me full throttle.
I'm going to treatment for 30 days on Tuesday. My dad of 25 years sober and a rehab counseler is setting it up for me. I'm going to miss Christmas with my family etc. etc. etc. but What is Life Worth??? It is worth missing 30 days to get broken and surrendered..
Please wish me luck and if I am not able to post on this board over the next 30 days, may God be with you all in your search for the happy road of destiny, and PEACE. :8a:
sean
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
(((Sean)))
Sorry to hear about your relapse. I look forward to hearing from you when you get out of recovery. The tools only work if you put them to good use. You can get through this. Have faith and believe. Good luck...
LeAnne
Sorry to hear about your relapse. I look forward to hearing from you when you get out of recovery. The tools only work if you put them to good use. You can get through this. Have faith and believe. Good luck...
LeAnne
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hey Sean--I'm a little bit late, but I wanted to take a minute to wish you well. I went to treatment back in February and it was the best decision I have ever made. Best of luck to you and I look forward to hearing from you when you return!!!
Hugs--
Hugs--
new life
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: cypress tx
Posts: 247
Hello Sean, "What is life worth." What is your relationship with your HP?
SS: A few years ago one of my Ex-coworker while he was driving, another vehicle ran a red light and crashed into him, they were injured / he was drunk and was sent to prison. He lost his house/car/job/wife/freedom. This could have been me many times over,alcohol is not worth it! 30 days is worth it! God bless and prayers to you my friend.
mikee.
SS: A few years ago one of my Ex-coworker while he was driving, another vehicle ran a red light and crashed into him, they were injured / he was drunk and was sent to prison. He lost his house/car/job/wife/freedom. This could have been me many times over,alcohol is not worth it! 30 days is worth it! God bless and prayers to you my friend.
mikee.
Last edited by mikee; 12-03-2004 at 07:28 AM. Reason: spell
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
Sean,
As Mikee implied, you haven't lost your wife, YET. You haven't lost your kids, YET. You haven't lost your job, YET. You haven't killed anyone from your reckless drinking, YET. Keep drinking and these things will happen, the worst is losing yourself. I'm glad you're going to treatment. For me, treatment was hell. I hope it is for you too. I don't mean that in a harsh way. For me, I can't have things on a silver platter, cause I don't appreciate it. If I have to work my butt off for something, I certainly will appreciate it. If I don't stay sober; I don't have my parents, I don't have my husband, I don't have my children, I don't have my job, I don't have my God, and I definately don't have myself. Is drinking worth it today - HECK NO! I have worked my butt off in sobriety, I had my share of relapses the first year I tried half-heartedly to get sober. Go look in the mirror and ask if you are worth it - if that doesn't work go look into your kids eyes and ask yourself if you are worth it. Is it fair to them to ruin their lives? Don't they deserve a dad? Don't they deserve a dad they can look at and be proud of, instead of embarrassed by? AA teaches us that we have to want this for ourselves. There are times, when I can't want it for myself, but my kids save my butt. Thinking of their faces or looking into those innocent little eyes, I can't destroy them. No matter how badly I feel about myself; no matter how much I want to escape, I can't do it.
After 5 years in AA, you should know the steps. You should also know that it doesn't matter what frickin' time it is, if you feel like drinking - call your sponsor, wake him up. I've done it. More than once. Get some more phone numbers, unless you're too proud too. Use those darn phone numbers and call, unless you're too proud too. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. It's kicking a$$es and taking names. Quit making excuses and do what you need to do.
Harsh, maybe...I needed it as well. Good luck, I'll be praying for you.
Jen
As Mikee implied, you haven't lost your wife, YET. You haven't lost your kids, YET. You haven't lost your job, YET. You haven't killed anyone from your reckless drinking, YET. Keep drinking and these things will happen, the worst is losing yourself. I'm glad you're going to treatment. For me, treatment was hell. I hope it is for you too. I don't mean that in a harsh way. For me, I can't have things on a silver platter, cause I don't appreciate it. If I have to work my butt off for something, I certainly will appreciate it. If I don't stay sober; I don't have my parents, I don't have my husband, I don't have my children, I don't have my job, I don't have my God, and I definately don't have myself. Is drinking worth it today - HECK NO! I have worked my butt off in sobriety, I had my share of relapses the first year I tried half-heartedly to get sober. Go look in the mirror and ask if you are worth it - if that doesn't work go look into your kids eyes and ask yourself if you are worth it. Is it fair to them to ruin their lives? Don't they deserve a dad? Don't they deserve a dad they can look at and be proud of, instead of embarrassed by? AA teaches us that we have to want this for ourselves. There are times, when I can't want it for myself, but my kids save my butt. Thinking of their faces or looking into those innocent little eyes, I can't destroy them. No matter how badly I feel about myself; no matter how much I want to escape, I can't do it.
After 5 years in AA, you should know the steps. You should also know that it doesn't matter what frickin' time it is, if you feel like drinking - call your sponsor, wake him up. I've done it. More than once. Get some more phone numbers, unless you're too proud too. Use those darn phone numbers and call, unless you're too proud too. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. It's kicking a$$es and taking names. Quit making excuses and do what you need to do.
Harsh, maybe...I needed it as well. Good luck, I'll be praying for you.
Jen
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The land of the free and the home of the brave
Posts: 46
Sean,
I wish you good fortune, my friend.
I have a chance when I am fearless and thorough from the very start, including working the steps. I have a chance when I maintain a fit spiritual condition.
I heard a very useful piece of advice while in rehab regarding potential relapse. I need to make a plan beforehand, so when it hits the fan I don't have to think of my response, it's automatic. I met a guy in rehab who was stuck in the subway in NYC when a huge urge to use hit him, and he and ended up relapsing after 14 years sober because he didn't have a bakcup plan if his sponsor wasn't available. What am I going to do if my sponsor isn't around, there's no meeting, I have no PC access, etc.?
Kevin
I wish you good fortune, my friend.
I have a chance when I am fearless and thorough from the very start, including working the steps. I have a chance when I maintain a fit spiritual condition.
I heard a very useful piece of advice while in rehab regarding potential relapse. I need to make a plan beforehand, so when it hits the fan I don't have to think of my response, it's automatic. I met a guy in rehab who was stuck in the subway in NYC when a huge urge to use hit him, and he and ended up relapsing after 14 years sober because he didn't have a bakcup plan if his sponsor wasn't available. What am I going to do if my sponsor isn't around, there's no meeting, I have no PC access, etc.?
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Sounds like you're off to a great start!
Don't continue to beat yourself up over relapsing (been there, done that). Look at it this way, you've spent WAY more time sober than drunk, right?
That's a great thing!
Keep coming back --
Ken
Don't continue to beat yourself up over relapsing (been there, done that). Look at it this way, you've spent WAY more time sober than drunk, right?
That's a great thing!
Keep coming back --
Ken
Only by the Grace of God....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Gratitude and Thanks
Posts: 83
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement.
Especially you Jen. I know me a little and with my Thick Skull and an Ego bigger than any room, I need the direct approach. No *ussy-footing around it man. That's why I picked the sponsor that I did over 3 years ago. Hard *ss, but come to find out he's also a compassionate person as well. Just got off the phone with him.
Thanks again everyone. I start treatment monday. Looking forward to being broken. It seems nothing else right now has worked. If they tell me to do back-flips, naked while holding a mouthful of horsesh*t in my mouth, and this will get me to finally get IT, then I WILL DO IT. I AM WILLING NOW.
Peace and Merry Christmas.
Sean
Especially you Jen. I know me a little and with my Thick Skull and an Ego bigger than any room, I need the direct approach. No *ussy-footing around it man. That's why I picked the sponsor that I did over 3 years ago. Hard *ss, but come to find out he's also a compassionate person as well. Just got off the phone with him.
Thanks again everyone. I start treatment monday. Looking forward to being broken. It seems nothing else right now has worked. If they tell me to do back-flips, naked while holding a mouthful of horsesh*t in my mouth, and this will get me to finally get IT, then I WILL DO IT. I AM WILLING NOW.
Peace and Merry Christmas.
Sean
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
That's good to hear Sean. It sure beats doing this over and over again. 
It's awful hard on the fish.
Good luck on Monday. Stay strong 
and away from any foolish notion of having one last hurrah for old time sakes. I know how the alcoholic thinks. Take care...
It's awful hard on the fish. Good luck on Monday. Stay strong and away from any foolish notion of having one last hurrah for old time sakes. I know how the alcoholic thinks. Take care...
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
Sean,
Good deal, keep that attitude and you'll be just fine (course our definition of fine is F-F'ed up, I-insecure, N-neurotic, and E-emotional). Seriously Sean, you'll be ok. Keep those boot straps up and go to meetings while you wait for treatment. Look forward to hearing from you before and after. You're fortunate that you've got the support you do. And we are all here for ya. Pulling for you and praying for you.
Love,
Jen
Good deal, keep that attitude and you'll be just fine (course our definition of fine is F-F'ed up, I-insecure, N-neurotic, and E-emotional). Seriously Sean, you'll be ok. Keep those boot straps up and go to meetings while you wait for treatment. Look forward to hearing from you before and after. You're fortunate that you've got the support you do. And we are all here for ya. Pulling for you and praying for you.
Love,
Jen
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
SLIP SOBRIETY LOSING IT'S PRIORITY. I COULD BORE U TO DEATH THERE WITH A LOT OF OTHER MUMBO JUMBO. They say, the old timers of AA didn't let the younger people in. I first got into AA cause my last drunk they dresed me up in an orange jump suit when, I came to no one wanted to bail my sorry A$$ out. Now then, for your dilema. Do you really want to quit? Insanity is doing the same thing over again expecting different results. After a thousand meetings, I forget how bad it was 4 me. Fortunately, I can listen to you. You remind me to keep my sorry A$$ in the seats.Now u say, you had some sobriety. What was working for you? Y did u stop?
I start my day on my knees like the camel. I do 12th step work every chance I get. Then, when I manage to crawl into bed at night I give thanks for another day in my life. Were you really grateful for the time you had sober? C, I'm not as sharp as you. It took me until I was 43 to get this. I looked up JLO34 there and that's impressive now. This girl should be listened to.
Do u want what we have? Are you willing to go to any lengths to get it? It took me useless and pitiful incomprehensible demoralization to get it. I don't ever want to find out if, I have a bottom worse then, I've already had. It gets worse never better. Ty for helping me stay sober 1 more day. BTW, do some service work. I go to a rehab center every Friday nite to offer ESH to the people in the center. Don't get on a pity pot. Someone will always have a better story.
Chris
I start my day on my knees like the camel. I do 12th step work every chance I get. Then, when I manage to crawl into bed at night I give thanks for another day in my life. Were you really grateful for the time you had sober? C, I'm not as sharp as you. It took me until I was 43 to get this. I looked up JLO34 there and that's impressive now. This girl should be listened to.
Do u want what we have? Are you willing to go to any lengths to get it? It took me useless and pitiful incomprehensible demoralization to get it. I don't ever want to find out if, I have a bottom worse then, I've already had. It gets worse never better. Ty for helping me stay sober 1 more day. BTW, do some service work. I go to a rehab center every Friday nite to offer ESH to the people in the center. Don't get on a pity pot. Someone will always have a better story.
Chris
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