I don’t think those are the only two options. There is a whole lot to live for and you are here, trying to get back to sobriety. Keep coming here and keep talking. If you are feeling suicidal, please go to the emergency room or call 911. They are there to help.

I’ve definitely contemplated suicide. Instead I just kept drinking and drinking until finally, quitting drinking wasn’t as hard as the 1,000 times I tried to quit before. When you ache enough, when you’re ashamed enough, when drinking no longer feels like an escape, there you will find what you need to put it down for good.

And yeah dude, if you’re tooting too, of course you feel suicidal. Coming down off of blow was the WORST farking feeling in the world.

About that feeling of what’s the point. I can really relate. Life can be pretty boring without the intense highs of our highs followed by our lows the next day. But have you noticed the lows keep getting lower? Mine sure did. Until they were just so low that even being wasted wasn’t that fun. I’ve noticed that being busy helps my recovery a lot. I used to feel like I had no time to do anything. But lately I’ve been going to 2-3 AA Meetings per week, 3 court ordered classes and volunteering (court ordered volunteering that is) 12 hours on the weekend. It keeps me productive and out of my head. I’ve actually liked volunteering so much that when it’s done I’m going to get a part time job to fill up some of my time. Not because I need the money. Because I need to be active. When I am idle, stuff gets pretty bad.

Most of us alcoholics and and drug addicts are more intelligent than your average person. We have active minds. And all of our use and the fact we never developed good coping skills or positive self esteem contribute to a lot of negative self talk and a lot of counter productive thinking. So for me, staying busy has been something that has been really helping in my recovery. Maybe that could help you. I dunno.

And remember, alcohol is not the problem. It’s a symptom. Find something that makes You happy and do it. It doesn’t have to be like “HOLY CRAP, I love to do (pick an activity), I’m going to throw my life into it”. I still am not sure what I like. But just keep your eyes open for opportunities. Try something different than what you’ve been doing. Call an old friend you’ve been to embarrassed to call. If you haven’t exercised, do that. Try cooking. Find something to do every day that you can accomplish. For me, it’s been baby steps. And I’ve been trending up. Best wishes.

Being too active or not being active enough doesn’t really lead me to drink. It’s the void inside of me, my inability to deal with regular life sober is what leads me to drink. I have to ask for a lot of help daily from my sponsor, and friends and God to stay sober. Keeping active just keeps me out of being in my head too

I don’t doubt you can put the bottle down. You did it for 100+ days (which is amazing). Your challenge might be how to live life sober. That’s the challenge for me. That’s where you might look to make changes to avoid falling down again.

Relapse can happen to anyone it happened to me last week with bitter consequences.

The most important thing is to stop drinking straight away. The fact you had 105 days should make it a bit easier to come off the drink after a couple of days.

Remorse and guilt will do know good getting sober will. Good luck friend.