Milano58

My EXAH seriously can't remember anything. He always forgets SOMETHING when he drops kids to school or mine. He totally forgets appointments, my emails about appointments. I'm constantly having to resend crap to him.

I honestly don't know how he holds down a job. Is this the beginning of wet brain or just zero focus?


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trailmix

Could be either or neither. If he's still drinking, well drinking people aren't all that astute.

It can certainly affect memory.

AnvilheadII

could be just not the important to him? AND he has you as his reminder....

dandylion

Milano.....alcohol does a job on short term memory.

Did you every know him when he had a "normal" memory"

Milano58

He's definitely drinking and he's always had a lousy memory but it's getting worse.. By the week. I think there's a degree of laziness there too.

tomsteve

im 14+ years sober and need notes to remind me i have notes to remind me what i was gonna write a note about.

Milano58

That is harsh Tomsteve. I feel like I can't forget anything right now. I am the uber mother. And that I'm still his wife half the time. Shouldn't his enabler be doing all this crap now? Maybe I should start cc'ing her too. (joke)

Sasha1972

Some people don't remember things because they've got "staff" who'll do the remembering and other boring stuff for them (that would be you [and me]). Other people don't remember things because they've pickled their brains.

As I understand it, "wet brain" memory problems tend to show up as confabulation - afflicted person has a hole in their memory so their brain invents something that never happened to fill that hole. People with Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome are more likely to be very confused or to insist that things happened which did not really happen than they are to just forget what they were supposed to do. But I am not a doctor and this is not necessarily true for your ex.

What would happen if you just didn't pick up the pieces for him, and let natural consequences happen? (I guess the answer depends partly on the age of your kids, and how his "forgetting" would affect them).

Milano58

He's forwarded all our kid's appointments as soon as I get them.. He just forgets them.. Or the details. Seems to need stuff confirmed for him, even though I have no more information than him. Mind you.. Recently he's been hanging around school again waiting for me. So he might be doing the old 'please talk to me again'. I just bring a novel and wait for him to leave. No new contact - no new pain!

hopeful4

In this day and age, there is no reason not to keep track of commitments unless it's full blown Alzheimers. We have smart phones that will set up as many reminders as you need with the click of a button. I also hear post it notes are pretty cheap.

I utilize a weekly calendar and my phone or I would forget all sorts of things. If it's important to you, you make that happen.

My XAH forgets everything regarding our kids. I make sure he is in the loop for all school communications, and I print him off the schedules for ball games, etc. From there, it's on him. I remind him frequently I am no longer his wife nor his secretary. He laughs at this point b/c he knows it's so true.

Just my two cents.

dandylion

Aside from the issue of alcohol and priority issues, some people have ADHD issues (diagnosed and unrecognized)……..