csips

My ex boyfriend has been abusing alcohol since he was 15, he is now 30. He is 6'2 and probably 50 lbs overweight. He is a binge drinker, won't drink for a few days during the week but then drinks 20-30 beers at a time every other night, sometimes mixed with a whole bottle of whiskey, sometimes with an 8 ball of cocaine. I can't imagine his body can do this for very much longer, he makes himself so sick. When we were together he limited himself to this kind of behavior one night a week. Now that he has broken up with me he has free reigns to party as much as he wants. How can the body possibly handle this? How old was your loved one when alcohol really started making them ill to the point of hospitalization?

FallenAngelina

My XABF is 58, has been drinking for 4 decades and consumes alarming amounts every day (I stopped keeping track long, long ago) and looks great. He's in better shape than most 30 year olds. With alcoholism there are no guarantees, especially that illness will turn anyone toward sobriety. All that's for sure is that active alcoholism is progressive. My XABF's ailments are almost all psychological. Alcohol drives (or severely exacerbates) his massive anxiety, depression and co-dependent way of living. He looks amazing on the outside, but his brain is gravely ill. Alcoholism is baffling.

California123

Agreed. It's a coin flip. I know plenty of people that "party" (that's a terrible term but you get the point) really hard and they are in their late 40s and 50s with no ill physical consequences. While a few other guys I know had some minor issues in their late 30s. To me it seems like no matter what, in their later years (60 +), something much worse than what would occur naturally tends to always happen.

spiderqueen

My XABF was a binge drinker and also abused prescription benzos. He was still ok physically in his mid-40s, though his teeth had started to be affected (from all the vomiting and the sugar in the alcohol), and he had high blood pressure and GI problems.

A few years later he was dead. He died last year from liver failure at age 53.

It’s impossible to say how or when your A’s drinking will kill him, but in the meantime it is godawful to watch the self destruction, and chase the downward spiral.

I recommend that you don’t.

Get all the support for yourself that you need to move on with your life. You can’t save him, but you can save you!

Healingbegins

The body can't and it won't. There will come a time when enough is enough. In my experience it hit my husband all at once. He's drank since he was 12 and is 43 now. It literally killed him, luckily he was revived. But he still has problems and still drinks. But there were small things that I noticed through out the last 15 years that all added up to this. I attributed it to being drunk or drinking too much, and in a way it was from that, but it was affecting his heart and mind. Excessive sweating no matter what, difficulty breathing, color being off, mass confusion, forgetfulness, change in behavior. Either or could be from health problems or drinking or both together. In hind sight I see it. At the time I chalked it up to drinking too much. I feel for you and it is a horrible thing to watch. What I have learned though is that there probably isn't much you are going to be able to say to him to turn the situation around. Sometimes even a major health event or rock bottom won't do it either. You sound like a very compassionate person. Just remember, that if something happens, its not your fault. You can love from a distance. You can also try to help, but don't put your expectations too high and protect yourself emotionally. All the best to you.

PeacefulWater12

My AH is 76 and currently very ill with heart failure caused by his drinking.

My alcoholic father died at 79. My alcoholic step dad died at 65.

It seems to vary. I drank very heavily for many years and medical tests show the damage I did to myself has repaired itself.

LifeChangeNYC

Amaranth

My husband is 50. He has been a heavy smoker, drinker and drug taker since his teens. He has a history of heroin addiction and claims to have "died" several times. Revived by cocaine after a heroin overdose (is that how it goes?) His drinking and drug taking escalated last year to the point that I became convinced he was going to die and entered into all sorts of crazy behaviours myself and as a result of the stress grew myself a 30cm ovarian cyst that ended in a hysterectomy for me.

He continued on a what is now a year long massive bender with another woman who was also an alcoholic, drug abuser and valium addict. She sadly killed herself a month ago.

My husband continues to drink heavily. He has a disgusting cough and yellow eyeballs. Seems the bodies around him couldn't take it. He just carries on regardless.

Please look after yourself. You will hear this repeatedly ...... nothing you say or do will make the blind bit of difference. Just let him follow his own path. If that is self destruction and death ...... that is his chosen path. Choose life for yourself and not just life ..... choose a good life.

It's horrible to watch and the pain can become unbearable. But you can choose to look after yourself and deal with it from a place of strength and health.

DiggingForFire

You never know. My XAH drank heavily from about 18, toward the end of 2018 he was up to about 1-1.5 bottles of vodka a day (at that level for a while I would guess). By 40 he had what seemed to be to be cirrhosis symptoms. They worsened for about a year before it got so bad he was hospitalized and diagnosed at 41. At that point he had an uncontrollable nose bleed for 3 days and was vomiting and defacating blood uncontrollably (so, no longer symptoms he could ignore). He’d have been on a transplant list at that time if he wasn’t excluded from drinking. He’s still alive and stopped drinking for a few months but I have every expectation it will kill him in the next few years. Once they are symptomatic from cirrhosis it’s usually pretty advanced.

But you cant predict any particular person and you can drive yourself nuts trying. Even though I have a fair bit of info at this point planning for it and when is impossible and I know it’s unproductive. Can’t help it much of the time though because we have a kid together and it will impact me, but I know it’s wasted time.

Sasha1972

My ex died in May at 55 after heavy drinking since he was in his teens. In the early years it was episodic (could go for months as a "normal" drinker in between periods of intense drinking) - the episodes gradually got closer and closer together and the amount of alcohol consumed went up and up. He only really went into a tailspin in the last three-ish years - before that he was somewhat fixated on being physically fit and healthy, in the gym all the time, etc (which was part of what enabled me to believe he didn't have a "real" problem for a long time).

The weight gain, bloating, sweating and tremors came on very rapidly, but once they did, it was pretty much game over. The damage to his brain, which probably took years to build up, became apparent around the same time - memory loss, aggression, confabulation and delusions, and loss of impulse control.

From what I've seen, it looks like the 50s are a sort of watershed for chronic alcoholics - that's when the cumulative damage really starts to show up.

However both his parents, also alcoholics, survived into their late 70s despite diets consisting mainly of beer, scotch and meat.

AnvilheadII

how is it you know how much alcohol your EX consumes and also the quantity of drugs he is using??

Milano58

So I just had a look at some US statistics. It seems that alcoholism used to kill later on in life but for men it looks like its claiming them younger. I was bored at work and went through a number of medical sites. I thinks it's the binge drinking in teenage years for men that starts them drinking early. Though statistically binge drinking in teens is down at the moment. However, reading through some of the rehab/recovery sites I was really surprised to see how many younger people, 30 somethings were dying of liver, heart failure. I was stunned. I thought you'd have to be drinking for 20 years to get liver failure. In my home country we have a terrible teen binge drinking, 5 dead in a car story happening over and over again. I've lost count how many young lads from my village died by drink driving. Maybe as more young people can afford cars & alcohol they die much sooner, probably long before anyone would even consider them an alcoholic. The quiet ones who drink at home and don't binge.. Seem to live longer and develop AUD related diseases. Just what I observed.. Only spent an hour looking at stats so I could be completely wrong.

We have some horrific drink driving TV ads back home.. We should have horrific 'alcohol is poison' ads too.

Sleepyhollo

I have had patients in their late 20s early 30s on the brink of death with cirrhosis. My ex had been drinking for 40 years mostly had high blood pressure for a while due to alcohol and being overweight. He ended up having to take TB meds for latent TB. He stopped drinking for about a week or 2 until his liver functions came back normal (TB drug are hard on the liver ) and then he resumed drinking and almost bragged about how his liver functions where normal.
He has been sober for almost 3 years now but I really think he has some lasting effects on his brain. At work he functions just fine but he has done some stuff in every day life that makes me question how much his brain has lasting effects from the alcohol.
Basically it is different for everyone. You never know. All I know is that he is your ex and as hard as it may be you should be thankful. You dodged a bullet. He’s gonna do what he is gonna do. And if that means destroying himself thaen that is his problem not yours anymore,

csips

I know because I was with him for 4 years and saw how much he could consume. His patterns are extremely predictable and once he starts drinking he definitely can't stop. It's only gotten worse since we broke up - I've heard it straight from him.

Wombaticus

The body has an amazing ability to adapt...produce more enzymes to break down the alcohol as the intake increases etc. But it breaks eventually.
Death and disease from alcohol-related disease is ugly - uncontrollable bleeding etc.
How much contact are you having with your ex, and why?
Are you trying to look after him?

PeacefulWater12

Our doctor told AH and myself when we were both still drinking, that the body can repair itself up until a certain point.

Once that line is crossed, the body cannot repair. The only thing you can do is try and maintain it at the level of damage and slow down it getting worse. Obviously would need to stop drinking too.

csips

He broke up with me 6 months ago because he didn't want to go into treatment and I told him that was necessary for our relationship to continue. We didn't speak for a month and then he texted me saying how much he missed me, wanted to marry me and that he was ready to look into treatment options. I allowed contact as long as he was ready to take action but it became clear that he kept kicking the can down the road and last week I cut off all contact because he wasn't taking any of the steps he said he would. Of course I still worry about him which is why I asked this question.

trailmix

Worrying about his is kind of a waste of your time (I know you know!). He will do what he will do. He's a grown man and he will make the choices that suit him and in the case of addiction, the choices that suit him and forget about everyone else.

This question is unanswerable except to say - no one can say. Different people are affected by alcohol in different ways.

Good for you for having strong boundaries, you will save yourself a lot of time that could be wasted and a lot of hurt.

FallenAngelina

Not to be insensitive, but worrying about someone we love is not a matter "of course." We can take steps to not worry and to not keep ourselves in an anxious place when they come to mind. It's good that you stood up for what is important for you in a relationship, but you're not stuck with worry if you don't want to worry about him anymore. Worry does not equal love. I say this in all compassion, dealing with worry about an X, myself, but just want to highlight that worry is not something we are saddled with when we love someone. We can take steps to leave the worry behind us and maintain the love. It's an option.

HardLessons

My mind & body wasn't doing good at all from being in a relationship with her (my addict)

I was definitely going down hill. Headaches, dizziness, random nose bleeds, frequent anxiety attacks etc have all stopped since I detached from her.

I think she is 37 now. Been on the hard party wagon since 15 years old. Its taken a toll on her. Mostly mental some physical. Someone meeting her for the first time & knowing nothing about her would be hard to tell.