It has come to this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 2
It has come to this
I did not think I would ever write on a forum like this, but here I am.
I'm not sure how long I've been drinking this time around, but I think it's been 8 days. I'm lucky to be self employed, otherwise I would have lost my job many years ago.
I tried to stop yesterday, but the withdrawal was horrible. I only got 90 minutes of sleep last night. So, to get through the day today I've drank 4 beers and a bottle of vodka. But I'm done. I took the last sip of that vodka bottle about 2 hours ago. I just hope I will be able to get some sleep tonight.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I'm probably not in my right mind at the moment. I live on the countryside so I don't have access to rehab facilites or meetings. I need to get through this on my own.
I promise that I will never drink another sip of alcohol in my life. I mean it this time.
I'm not sure how long I've been drinking this time around, but I think it's been 8 days. I'm lucky to be self employed, otherwise I would have lost my job many years ago.
I tried to stop yesterday, but the withdrawal was horrible. I only got 90 minutes of sleep last night. So, to get through the day today I've drank 4 beers and a bottle of vodka. But I'm done. I took the last sip of that vodka bottle about 2 hours ago. I just hope I will be able to get some sleep tonight.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I'm probably not in my right mind at the moment. I live on the countryside so I don't have access to rehab facilites or meetings. I need to get through this on my own.
I promise that I will never drink another sip of alcohol in my life. I mean it this time.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Welcome to a great place for encouragement, HighContrast.
I never thought I'd be here either - but the feeling of no longer being alone meant the world to me. I never expected to find so many like-minded people with the same thoughts & fears that I had. It helped calm my anxiety. I learned so much by reading & posting. We're very glad you joined us - life is going to get so much better when you are free.
I never thought I'd be here either - but the feeling of no longer being alone meant the world to me. I never expected to find so many like-minded people with the same thoughts & fears that I had. It helped calm my anxiety. I learned so much by reading & posting. We're very glad you joined us - life is going to get so much better when you are free.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome to the site. You'll find a lot of support here.
Unlike you I always, in the back of my mind, knew I would end up here. Or worse.
I started drinking at fourteen and drank alcoholically for thirty five years.
Yeah, I've been through the wringer more than a few times.
I've been sober for ten and a half years now.
It took another ten years of trying to get sober. It also took the help of AA and this place.
I hope you can quit. But the way you describe your drinking, you may require medical help. Don't be afraid to seek it to safely detox.
I feel for you. I've been in your shoes many times. I know what you're going through. You're not alone.
Hang around here. Sleep and eat. Take good care of yourself. You deserve it. You're worth it.
Best to you.
Unlike you I always, in the back of my mind, knew I would end up here. Or worse.
I started drinking at fourteen and drank alcoholically for thirty five years.
Yeah, I've been through the wringer more than a few times.
I've been sober for ten and a half years now.
It took another ten years of trying to get sober. It also took the help of AA and this place.
I hope you can quit. But the way you describe your drinking, you may require medical help. Don't be afraid to seek it to safely detox.
I feel for you. I've been in your shoes many times. I know what you're going through. You're not alone.
Hang around here. Sleep and eat. Take good care of yourself. You deserve it. You're worth it.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 188
Heh I've been a problem drinker most of my adult life, and mostly never thought I'd need a site like this. But I'm finding there really isn't shame in it. I'm finding I'm not uniquely gifted to deal with the problem that is well known alone, or any other fantasy.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Welcome, and I'm glad you found us.
Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. And, be cautious, because detoxing from alcohol can be unpredictable and dangerous. If you have concerns, be prepared to go to a doctor or ER. Other than that, keep hydrated and try to rest.
Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. And, be cautious, because detoxing from alcohol can be unpredictable and dangerous. If you have concerns, be prepared to go to a doctor or ER. Other than that, keep hydrated and try to rest.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 156
Glad you are here. This is a great thing to start here. It has helped me so much. I was terrified the first time I posted and just plain disgusted with myself. It really helps to know you are not alone. We are all here walking along side of you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Good evening . welcome look brother from the looks of it I would take the medical detox route. If possible . if not well you got to do what you got to do to get better . if going without med treatment. See if You can have a homie or fam kind of check you out . cause real talk it sucks big time . shakes and whole nine yards . but guess what it can be done. I did it that way and I am now on day 70. Thus I play that tape whenever I get the urge. And it has worked. Sober life is much better hang in there brother and welcome
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Welcome, HighContrast. I never thought I would become an alcoholic, until one day I realized I couldn't do without it. I've been on SR for over 4 years now, and it has been a vital part of my recovery; there is much wisdom and support here, and some wonderful people who really want to help. I agree with SoberRican that you would do well to have some kind of medical detox; when I stopped drinking cold, within 12 hours I was in full-blown alcoholic hallucinosis--one step before DTs. I had horrible hallucinations both visual and audible and it was absolutely hellish; I ended up going to inpatient detox and had a seizure there that might've been fatal without immediate help. Ultimately I stayed in hospital for over a week and then inpatient rehab for two months. A medical professional can also help with the withdrawal symptoms. I hope you stick around and post often; it really helps. Wishing you the best on your sober journey.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I believe you when you say you won't take another sip...just something about the way you said it...I felt it come right thru the screen.
You sound like I did 19 days ago...I HAD to drink the day I wanted to quit to get thru the detox...
The night before I quit I had 18 beers and 4 vodka nips...
I'm female and weigh 120lbs....so that was alot..and I had also drank for about 8 days like that....without ANY food....
So the first day I went to quit the detox was so horrendous....that I honestly THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE...
I went to the liquor store and bought 4 small vodka nips and swore to myself that would be all I would buy that day but I needed that "medicine" to get me thru those horrible withdrawals...
I kept nursing those bottles and kept falling asleep...in between drinking water and Gatorade....and taking vitamins and anxiety meds I had (but I didn't have enough anxiety meds).
The Day 2....I didn't drink anything and just suffered...I really suffered for a total of 6 days before I could even consume Ramen Noodles....
You are going to have it rough...if you CAN get to a hospital...get to one...I wish I had gone...and I almost did...the reason I didn't was because I didn't want my Dr. to know I was drinking and take away my anxiety med..because I swore I was never drinking again...I haven't and won't....I have a REAL HEALTHY FEAR of alcohol....
I believe you....cause I know exactly what you are going thru right now.
You sound like I did 19 days ago...I HAD to drink the day I wanted to quit to get thru the detox...
The night before I quit I had 18 beers and 4 vodka nips...
I'm female and weigh 120lbs....so that was alot..and I had also drank for about 8 days like that....without ANY food....
So the first day I went to quit the detox was so horrendous....that I honestly THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE...
I went to the liquor store and bought 4 small vodka nips and swore to myself that would be all I would buy that day but I needed that "medicine" to get me thru those horrible withdrawals...
I kept nursing those bottles and kept falling asleep...in between drinking water and Gatorade....and taking vitamins and anxiety meds I had (but I didn't have enough anxiety meds).
The Day 2....I didn't drink anything and just suffered...I really suffered for a total of 6 days before I could even consume Ramen Noodles....
You are going to have it rough...if you CAN get to a hospital...get to one...I wish I had gone...and I almost did...the reason I didn't was because I didn't want my Dr. to know I was drinking and take away my anxiety med..because I swore I was never drinking again...I haven't and won't....I have a REAL HEALTHY FEAR of alcohol....
I believe you....cause I know exactly what you are going thru right now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome to SR! This is a wonderful site for support. If you feel you’re struggling too much with the withdrawals maybe you should head to the ER, they can help you get through this, and may be able to recommend some suggestions to help with recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 2
Thank you all for your responses. I appreciate it, and it certainly helped calm the nerves.
I can see that this place is full of great people.
I'm now on day 5, and feeling much better. The withdrawal was pretty standard for me. Anxiety, dizziness, shakes, night sweats, nightmares etc., but fortunately, it didn't last too long. The worst was over by day 3.
I'm 37 now, and the binge drinking has been progressing for the last 10 years or so. I guess it started when I discovered "the hair of the dog". At first it was just 2-3 beers the day after a night out, but it quickly turned into 5-8 day binges.
This last binge was my bottom, and it's a blessing in disguise. I'm not gonna wait and see where 10 more years of progression leave me. Fortunately, I haven't hurt myself or other people too badly yet, despite reckless behavior during past binges, but I'm not gonna push my luck any further. I can sense that I'm running out of luck if I continue like this.
Again, thank you all for your support! I will definitely keep lurking and reading, and perhaps post updates from time to time.
I can see that this place is full of great people.
I'm now on day 5, and feeling much better. The withdrawal was pretty standard for me. Anxiety, dizziness, shakes, night sweats, nightmares etc., but fortunately, it didn't last too long. The worst was over by day 3.
I'm 37 now, and the binge drinking has been progressing for the last 10 years or so. I guess it started when I discovered "the hair of the dog". At first it was just 2-3 beers the day after a night out, but it quickly turned into 5-8 day binges.
This last binge was my bottom, and it's a blessing in disguise. I'm not gonna wait and see where 10 more years of progression leave me. Fortunately, I haven't hurt myself or other people too badly yet, despite reckless behavior during past binges, but I'm not gonna push my luck any further. I can sense that I'm running out of luck if I continue like this.
Again, thank you all for your support! I will definitely keep lurking and reading, and perhaps post updates from time to time.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
5 days - that's wonderful, HC. Please do let us know how you're doing - we care.
I'd give anything to go back to my 30's & quit - but I allowed my world to fall apart.
Congratulations!
I'd give anything to go back to my 30's & quit - but I allowed my world to fall apart.
Congratulations!
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