addiction transfer experience?
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 280
addiction transfer experience?
My step son's mother is an alcoholic, for decades. She has been crazy pants for years. A couple of years ago after she moved out of state, had her mother move in so she stopped compulsive drinking, but almost immediately started the same crazy pants, obsessive behavior, but her new addiction is Jesus. It's all she talks about. 24/7. Somehow she has transferred one addiction to another.
This is very hard on my stepson (13) He's confided to his dad he's afraid to talk to her, hates that she forces him to go to church twice a week and he's struggling. She will never admit she's an addict and we have been unable to get him to go to Alateen as he doesn't see her drinking anymore. Any tips?
This is very hard on my stepson (13) He's confided to his dad he's afraid to talk to her, hates that she forces him to go to church twice a week and he's struggling. She will never admit she's an addict and we have been unable to get him to go to Alateen as he doesn't see her drinking anymore. Any tips?
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
A lot of people find that Jesus is the only way to break the bondage that is alcoholism. Literally.
What harm can come from "being addicted to Jesus"?
With regards to your stepson, does the church have a youth program? That can make ALL the difference. My daughter (16) will sit through "grown-up church", but she LOVES going to her life group and high school service. The message is tailored to them in a way that is more engaging.
Her son may take some time adjusting to going to church.....but positives can come out of it. My daughter went from being depressed with no friends (prior to church involvement) to being very happy, involved in numerous activities, and most of her friends are from her church. It took time....in the beginning she went because I "drug her" there.
As my Pastor said once...."My kids had a drug problem growing up.... Every time the doors were open I DRUG them to church" lol
Alateen also has online meetings, if her son wants to get support that way.
https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-c...-chat-meeting/ It might also be useful to have a therapist mediate the mother and son to talk about the church issue if he is truly afraid to talk to her.
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So, that's my opinion. If you (or anyone reading) don't believe in Jesus, I'm not pushing it on you. But if this mother does believe in Jesus, and she's devoting her life to Him, then I really think that should equally be respected.
What harm can come from "being addicted to Jesus"?
With regards to your stepson, does the church have a youth program? That can make ALL the difference. My daughter (16) will sit through "grown-up church", but she LOVES going to her life group and high school service. The message is tailored to them in a way that is more engaging.
Her son may take some time adjusting to going to church.....but positives can come out of it. My daughter went from being depressed with no friends (prior to church involvement) to being very happy, involved in numerous activities, and most of her friends are from her church. It took time....in the beginning she went because I "drug her" there.
As my Pastor said once...."My kids had a drug problem growing up.... Every time the doors were open I DRUG them to church" lol
Alateen also has online meetings, if her son wants to get support that way.
https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-c...-chat-meeting/ It might also be useful to have a therapist mediate the mother and son to talk about the church issue if he is truly afraid to talk to her.
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So, that's my opinion. If you (or anyone reading) don't believe in Jesus, I'm not pushing it on you. But if this mother does believe in Jesus, and she's devoting her life to Him, then I really think that should equally be respected.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Portland OR
Posts: 280
Well, couple of things. he has been going to various youth programs for years. He doesn't subscribe to it. This church is the rolling around, hands in the air, speaking in tongues ect. He thinks its all weird and so do we.
So the net result is he is completely turned off to her religious stuff and it's a major wedge between them.
The more important point is that she did not find "Jesus" as a result of recovery. She's never pursued recovery. She just transferred from one addiction to the other. Every addict behavior she ever had is still very much in place.
So we can agree to disagree that it isn't harming him. He thinks so, and we agree with him.
So the net result is he is completely turned off to her religious stuff and it's a major wedge between them.
The more important point is that she did not find "Jesus" as a result of recovery. She's never pursued recovery. She just transferred from one addiction to the other. Every addict behavior she ever had is still very much in place.
So we can agree to disagree that it isn't harming him. He thinks so, and we agree with him.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
I'm a Christian and I think it's possible to have a disordered attachment to Jesus. I've met several people, in church and outside, who do. I suppose if you have to be addicted to something, churchgoing is better than cocaine or meth or alcohol, but like any activity, if it obstructs the creation or sustenance of healthy relationships with self or others or God, it's a problem.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Hi MsGrace, I have pretty much zero experience with addiction transfer except I know it can happen.
That said, addiction is addiction, so perhaps this can be handled in the same way?
Now that he is 13, perhaps it's time for his Father to discuss with the Mother that their Son is perhaps entitled to a little more freedom? At the very least freedom of thought. He will make his own decisions on religion, of course, as he gets older.
Not sure what the custody division is but at least he does have some time with you and your Husband, so that's good.
Has your Husband approached her about this at all? It seems to me that both parents should have a say in religious teaching.
That said, addiction is addiction, so perhaps this can be handled in the same way?
Now that he is 13, perhaps it's time for his Father to discuss with the Mother that their Son is perhaps entitled to a little more freedom? At the very least freedom of thought. He will make his own decisions on religion, of course, as he gets older.
Not sure what the custody division is but at least he does have some time with you and your Husband, so that's good.
Has your Husband approached her about this at all? It seems to me that both parents should have a say in religious teaching.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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I went from alcohol to sugar, and although I don't regret it even a little bit it would be nice to be addicted to say, exercise or cleaning my house.
You can go too far, even with religion, if you let it get out of balance in your life. No doubt Jesus is better that drinking, but you can see how off-putting this must be for a young person. It could drive him in the opposite direction.
Ms Grace, from a practical angle it might benefit your SS to learn the practical ways he can deflect, ignore or actually shut her down, without being too harsh. It's called assertiveness training. There may be a psychologist who can help him with some practice scenarios. It would be a useful skill to have at his age, even without the mother situation.
You can go too far, even with religion, if you let it get out of balance in your life. No doubt Jesus is better that drinking, but you can see how off-putting this must be for a young person. It could drive him in the opposite direction.
Ms Grace, from a practical angle it might benefit your SS to learn the practical ways he can deflect, ignore or actually shut her down, without being too harsh. It's called assertiveness training. There may be a psychologist who can help him with some practice scenarios. It would be a useful skill to have at his age, even without the mother situation.
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