eve123

nez

The only way I would ever be able to truly appreciate and value what life is, was by going through the wringer of alcoholism.

Don't wish, don't regret, don't hate, don't get down on yourself. Just do... do recovery, life, and love. It can all start right now!

WeThinkNot

I agree 100%. I am a grateful alcoholic, without my addiction I wouldn't have everything I have now...and the best is yet to be. Don't beat yourself up Eve.

Ghostlight1

Well, I can get pretty stupid. It took me ten years of trying to finally quit drinking.
And it wasn't pretty. Lost everything, was homeless chronically relapsing and just plain sick. Mentally and physically addicted.
Cunning, baffling and powerful is alcohol. Without help I was powerless against it.
I know how you feel. I waisted most of my adult life drunk or recovering from another binge.

You're not alone. Don't be too hard on yourself, to what end would that serve?
Be kind to yourself. Realize you have a problem you may not be able to handle on your own.
There is help available. Here and recovery programs. I hope you do come here before you drink. And find a program of recovery that works for you.
I was drunk for thirty odd years. The last ten were bad, and I was trying to quit. But I am a chronic relapser.
I've got over ten years sober. You can do it, too. It's never to late.
By staying sober you can prove to others that you are serious and trustworthy and responsible.
Best to you.

doggonecarl

Wish I could go back...

You can't go back. You can only go forward. And forward is a lot easier when you aren't carrying a big, heavy bag of resentments around with you. Drop them, and get on with living and loving the sober life.

Anna

The denial part of alcoholism is huge and it's very easy to not 'see' what is really happening in our lives. The main thing is that you have figured things out and want to change.

The brilliant Maya Angelou said it so well 'I did then what I knew how to do, now I know better, I do better'.

MLD51

I went through that in early sobriety - I got really good at beating myself up - spent a lot of time crying, wishing I could turn back the clock, apologizing to people over and over again for the same stuff... Finally I realized that was all really holding me back and I wasn't letting myself move past the past. Beating myself up wasn't doing anything for me or for anyone else. I figured out that the BEST WAY to show myself and other people that I was serious about never repeating those mistakes again was to put a PLAN into action to stay sober and SHOW everyone (most importantly myself) that I was making changes and they could trust me again. Words were not going to cut it. It took time. I had to be patient. Some people might never forgive. I can't control that. I can't change the past. All I can do is move forward and keep my side of the street clean. I still sometimes feel shame and regret - probably always will to some extent, but it doesn't feel like the weight of the world anymore like it did at the beginning. Time really does heal wounds, as long as you aren't making new wounds with drinking and regretful behavior.

Hevyn

None of us has set out to sabotage ourselves, eve. When I first drank it was relaxing & fun. I never imagined I'd get blackout drunk & destroy my life years later. It took me a long time to realize I had to stop all together - that no amount of willpower was going to save me. I have regrets & guilt too - & sometimes it's led me back to drinking. Please don't let that happen - be kind & patient with yourself. You're doing the right thing now - that's what counts. All of us understand what you're going through - glad to have you here.

CupofJoe

I went through the same thoughts when I got sober. But, like others have said, I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't gone through addiction. It's just part of who I am now. I think it's more helpful to focus on what we can do and change NOW to make our lives better. As long as you're alive, it's not too late to change.

You're on the right track getting sober. Don't look back.

Dee74

hI Eve

The way I look at it now is it took what ot topok to get me hee - and here is a good place to be.

I understand regret but it would be even more regretful to be missing out on today cos you're looking backwards

D

red3215

We chose to drink but we didn't choose to have overwhelming urges that made us want to drink. That part of it we can't blame ourselves for.

There's no way of knowing how different your life would be if you made different decisions. Look at it this way---You've made some great ones and some bad ones, like everyone else. Accept it, let the past go and do better going forward.

I know, it's sometimes easier said than done, and you may just feel sad about the past for a while. I think part of the reason some people never face their alcohol problem is because facing up to the damage they feel they've caused is too painful.

I went through it as well in early sobriety, agonizing over things I said and did til I thought I'd lose it. In the long run a lot of the things (and someone) I thought I lost I was able to get back after I was sober for a while and I don't think too much about it all anymore.

needshelp111

I know how you feel op. I recently fell back into old habits and said some stuff regret to a family member. Now I feel like a giant piece of pooh.

eve123

MLD51

But you CAN cope. And yes, you do have to deal with the consequences, that's just how it is. You will surprise yourself with how strong you can actually be. And believe me - once you face those fears and consequences, you will feel so much better about yourself. The worst thing you could possibly do is to drink now. I know it's painful now. I understand completely. But it will MUCH more painful if you were to drink again.

nez

I broke my leg skiing. I had to deal with the consequences of my actions that caused the tibia and fibia to spiral fracture. It was painful. The healing process was slow. The following rehab work was painful and slow because my leg had atrophied big time. The break had been healed, so while painful, the rehab was worth the pain. My leg got stronger and stronger every day. Today it is better than ever. During rehab my mantra was "the pain is good because it is healing pain, and again, the pain is good..." I am grateful for the time spent doing the work because the rewards have been life and soul saving. Life is good today.

I broke my soul and my family drinking. I had to deal with the consequences of my actions that caused my soul and family to fracture. It was painful. The healing process was slow. The following rehab work was painful and slow because my soul had atrophied big time. The break had been healed, so while painful, the rehab was worth the pain. My soul got stronger and stronger every day. Today it is better than ever. During rehab my mantra was "the pain is good because it is healing pain, and again, the pain is good..." I am grateful for the time spent doing the work because the rewards have life and soul saving. Life is good today.

eve123

nez

Scared is alright. Inaction is not. Right action is.

eve123

PHIL39

stop beating yourself up and nurture yourself. Humans are all broken, not just you. You can weather this storm and find a way forward if you love yourself.
We matter.

AnvilheadII

if you do not drink, no matter what, you have the possibility of correcting things that have gone awry. seize sobriety as the best thing to ever happen to you. there is a way out, there is a solution. falling into the self pity trap will not help you. rise up and walk the path of recovery.