Chrissy1104

So despite knowing I will be surrounded by alcohol tonight, and there really is no way out, I'm feeling pretty good. My Psychiatrist doubled up my Naltrexone for the day and I'm going to have my husband get me yummy virgin drinks from the bar. If anyone asks me shy I'm not drinking I'm just going to say I've decided that alcohol and I do not mis well. I don't really care what anyone thinks. So wish me luck, strength and the will to not have a hangover tomorrow! Thanks SR for being here and letting me voice my recovery plans, thoughts in the comfort of my own home! XO

August252015

I have to say what I always do: don't go. There is always a way out and no invitation - none- that you have to give a yes rsvp.

Sobriety mattered most to me from the start- and 22 days is awesome and incredibly early, both.

I simply cannot repeat enough times that putting yourself (anyone) in any situation that involves this kind of alcohol, celebration etc (or, frankly, ones that are way less "event"-y like a trivia night with drinking friends) is a bad idea in early sobriety. Good friends will understand. If friends ever didn't or don't, they're just not part of my support group and won't be part of my life for much longer.

If you do choose to go - I'd suggest adding a couple things to your plan. Work out with your husband that you leave at a certain time - like right after you greet the bride and groom at the reception. I absolutely do not remember every guest at my wedding and once I hugged you, I really wouldn't have noticed if you left.
Take separate cars.
Have an agreed on signal to leave at the first moment you feel even the tiniest bit of agitation or temptation.
Play the tape forward- if you start thinking about a drink, take one, what will happen? Literally, play out each step of the night all the way to tomorrow morning.

I say all this to support and encourage you to keep going to days 23 and many more. Glad you are sharing - let us know what you decide and do tonight!

Anna

There is always a way out.

All I can say is, I couldn't have done that.

I hope you have a plan in place for leaving if necessary and I hope it goes well.

ReadyAtLast

If you had flu or gastroenteritis would you still go ? Course not. There is always a way out. Nothing is obligatory. I could not be at a function surrounded by booze.

Chrissy1104

Dee74

No life doesn't stop but in the end I had to put myself and my recovery first.

I was always pulled back into drinking by my own warped sense of duty - I must go here, I must do this, I must see this person.

I understand you're going and you have a plan - and best wishes to you

but I think it's important to get the message across that recovery can mean some tough choices.

I understand a family wedding is important - but I don't remember too much - hardly anything - about my siblings weddings cos I was wasted.

I had a great dedication to drinking. I needed a similar dedication to recovery

In my first year I went to weddings and skipped the reception when I felt my recovery was in danger.

Nourish your recovery - keep it safe

D

Chrissy1104

Vinificent

Soberwolf

Wouldnt go end of.

August252015

Good job Chrissy.

I've said this part again countless times- just yesterday on another thread, I think.

Many- MANY- times, it's AFTER a successful outing sober that vigilance needs to be increased. I have heard so many people share that a week, a month, etc after a night like you enjoyed sober, they "all of a sudden" found themselves drinking.

A first idea might be to write down how you felt, what you did - from the lovely details of the wedding, to the good time you had sober, to the specific dress, so on! - for future reference...plenty of us find baffling times the idea of drinking, chucking (any amount, from a couple wks to decades) sobriety, "just one" etc cropping up. I promise that is common- though you don't want to risk a hangover now, doesn't insure you won't gamble on it in the future.

For me - early on in particular, any time I have something stressful outing/situation/etc- and now it's in terms of my emotional sobriety- I redouble my program efforts right after (note: I did not go to ANY social event til a 6 person dinner at 7 month sober, my first party at 14 mo, wedding at 19....).

I'm and AA person - so, as an example, after a very stressful 6-8 wks approaching the party my husband and I had in Dec to reveal to people it was actually our 1 yr anniversary not wedding day, as we had kept secret our first year - I crashed afterwards. That whole 10 days following was a time of enormous self care, more meetings, more connection w my sponsor and sober support system.

I am going on about this for one simple reason: staying sober is more important to me than anything else. I do whatever I need to for that to remain, so I can have the beautiful things it brings me.

If you haven't thought about it, now would be a GREAT time to put a recovery program of some kind into motion. There are lots of people around here to share their commitment to everything from an SR based program like Dee, a secular program like many, a gratitude based program that least always shares, AVRT folks...and lots of threads where you can learn.

Glad you are here - glad you are feeling positive- and wishing you the good choices to build your new life in recovery with your loving husband, and most critically for YOU.

Chrissy1104

I think this is the closest description as to how I look at it. Every time I say "no thanks" it makes me stronger. I couldn't agree more about it never being easy, whether at an event or at home. If I hadn't gone I think I would have felt like a failure and beat myself up for not going and by doing that, increasing the possibility of relapse. I'm taking it as one day at a time and one decision at a time and it's so much easier to make the right decision as every day passes if I have a clear head.

lessgravity

I'm a person who has not avoided situations in my first year of sobriety. At times it's been hard, but I too see my sober muscles develop when I do so. At this point I wouldn't have changed or avoided anything I engaged with. Everyone is different, but that's me. Congrats

Chrissy1104

This also is how I feel. It is more important to me than anything else. When my husband came to me with filing papers it was, to say the least, an eye opener. Becoming sober was and is the only way to "fix" things. He stood by my side last night alcohol free and I appreciate that. I've lost alot of things, people in my life because of alcohol. I'll be damned if I lose him too.

Heck, I got a mani/pedi on Friday evening, something I haven't done in a very very long time. I think that will be part of my plan for Friday nights...to do something nice for myself.

Thank you for your thoughts. I'm taking it all in and I appreciate every word.

Rd2quit

I agree with Vinicicent. Everytime I have a successful outing I feel stronger. I never thought of the term "sober muscles" I always used the term "retraining my brain." My therapist says it's like "immersion therapy." Whatever you want to call it, we are learning to become happy social non-drinkers.

my biggest test was an out of town wedding I had to attend for 5 days at around two and a half months sober. Missing it was not an option and neither was drinking. I made it through with the help of SR. I posted about a dozen times while I was there. By the end of the trip I was feeling much stronger than I was on the first day.

Mango212

Hi Chrissy,

Congratulations on your recovery! Great way to plan, visualize, take note of physical-visual things you're enjoying and add them to your recovery.


I'm not alcoholic. I've been in recovery in other ways. I relate to this:

"Many- MANY- times, it's AFTER a successful outing sober that vigilance needs to be increased."

My sponsor one day related it as my "dis-ease" attempting to seduce me back. I have many tools now to deal with it proactively. Bookending things that are new or difficult with extra self-care and healthy, understanding support beyond my normal circle creates a network I'm greatly thankful for.

There are many paths to recovery.

Namaste

Chrissy1104

This is how I feel. Every success makes me stronger. I've always been a "take the bull by the horns and go for it" kind of girl and that's kind of how this is, and I'm a bit of a stubborn control freak. I don't let anyone or anything else control me so why should I let alcohol do it.

Chrissy1104

Namaste