melski

Hi all and thanks in advance for reading.
I have been doing pretty well, and apart from a drink last week at a work gathering, staying away from substances.
My anxiety is growing over a "work lunch" I have to attend next week for a colleague of mine that is leaving the company at the end of the month.
This person reports to me so I can't bale out and our Manager who is attending is a big drinker.
Every time we have gone out as a group, drinks seem to be her team building strategy and lot of alcohol gets consumed mid-day.
The last time I declined to drink there was an eyebrow raised which ticked me off.
As this will be a small group, me not drinking will be more noticeable than a larger party. I do have medical reason I can site but nobody wants to hear about that at lunch...
I know personal resolve is required and even a small amount of alcohol really makes me feel terrible.
It's even making me mad that I am spending energy on this right now.
What the rest do is their business of course but any strategies/advice is greatly appreciated.
Maybe this post will help others too.

ReadyAtLast

Maybe practice in the mirror saying no I am not drinking. It is not obligatory to drink at a work function. Why did yo udrink last week? Please don't get sucked into thinking everyone drinks at work lunches because they really don't. even if they do doesn't mean you have to. you owe no one an explanation. Any problems see you HR rep.

ardy

someone has to be the sober driver.. hahhaha do that and blow it off..

melski

Thanks both, my Manager is the HR Director for my division so no recourse there unfortunately.

ScottFromWI

Unless it's somewhere in your workplace policy that you are required to drink alcohol as part of your job, I'd say just go and don't drink. You owe no one an explanation as to why you choose not to drink.

Or you could just schedule the lunch someplace that does not serve alcohol.

ardy

here this is a true story most of mine are and they can not get this real with out Truth..
I was one of the Ladies back in the 1980's that sprayed people with scent in stories. high end Macy's was my fav..
had a chance at a Christmas to work for Liz Taylor and her new White Diamonds.. not a bad scent but not a great scent either.. the kicker was they had to have some one that was not a Gin or Vodka drinker. Hand in the air.. ekekkekek
drove to Chicago good parking spot for the 11 hours I would be there. and stepped up to the plate. in 3 hours I was a little heady. in 4 hours they could not shut me up. in 5 hours they said I started to turn green. in 6 hours. I was Lucy Ball and the tonic lady.. sold a ton of that high end stuff. I was drunker then a sknunk.. they pulled me in the elevator. and it moved and I passed out. cold.. Medics and HR in a private area. is she going to be alright.. what happened. I had no idea where I was how I got there. but knew my Pop would whale the tar out of me. in tears. and hicupps.. HR. got rid of everyone.. sweetie you were signed that you did not drink Gin or Vodka I don't really I don't .. she came a little to close and was wearing the scent . I turned green she said and barffed up in her bag.. really her bag.. floor lady and I had had lunch at 12.. it was now 4pm .. I could not drive home they had my car in the parking for employees. so it was safe.
blood test done.. nope she does not have anything in her system.. and then one of the EMT's passed out. the scent was that over powering.. ekekkekekek
long story short they had to put me up in a hotel . shared with the lady floor walker she went to have gin and an olive and I got sick.. we took the scent and sniffed the box and then we sniffed her drink glass. same smell. I was drinking as I was spraying people haaahhahahaha

tell them your body wash makes drinking an unhappy mix ahahahhaha just no thank you beep beep beep. good luck

Anna

I think you should just let them raise their eyebrows and completely ignore their looks. They have no business judging you for not drinking. You know that you're doing the right thing.

Evoo

Honestly -- these days I just lean into the health reason. It's legitimate and nobody probes more than that.

Occasionally I get an "oh that sucks," but that's about it.

I've found most of the anxiety around drinking was in my head. Before there were times a "raised eyebrow" would've thrown me into an anxious tizzy, but now not so much.

Edit: remember, it isn't normal behavior to toss judgement or peer-pressure to someone who isn't drinking. I used to do it, and it was 100 percent because I found sobriety (and even moderation) threatening. I actually used to say things like, "I don't trust people who don't drink." And I didn't. That's an alcoholic talking. Ignore it.

mcconnth2017

Early on in my recovery, I just told people I had pancreatitis. No one batted an eye and thereafter didn't expect me to drink. A white lie but one I could live with. Now that I have more time under my belt, I am comfortable just saying I don't drink.

Atlast9999

vxper

Same as other said, just ignore it. Maybe look for a different job because if that's how the HR manager is behaving it may not be the best company to be at in the first place.

Maudcat

I hear you. Some workplace cultures celebrate drinking, and it can be weird bumping up against that.
That you have decided to stop drinking speaks worlds, and I would guard my sobriety carefully.
If you think it's going to cause comment--though really it's no one's business,--cite a medical reason, " I'm taking some meds right now and drinking alcohol is not advised, so I'm going to pass."
And move on. Should be fine.
I used to just say, "I'm not drinking today."
And that was that.

REM700

Just go and order an iced tea, or whatever non alcohol drink you prefer. Once we stop, our brains seem to think that people care that we aren't drinking. From my experience, people don't care. It was all in my head - projecting my thoughts onto them caring about whether I drink or not.

melski

AnvilheadII

they are not also FORCING you to eat certain foods are they? of course not. anymore than anyone is FORCING you to drink. it is not a requirement.

people with peanut allergies are careful with what they choose to eat at any restaurant. they avoid nuts at all costs. because their bodies do not react well to nuts....NOT being vigilant can be deadly.

this is how we must treat alcohol. with an immediate and firm aversion, at all costs.

if you came down with the flu the day before this farewell event, no one would expect you to still attend. nor would they cancel the event simply because you are not there. in fact, no one would WANT to have a sick/contagious person near them.

keep in mind that this one work event is just ONE thing.
one event being hosted at a restaurant. 2 hour-ish. how others choose to conduct themselves is not your problem. you are responsible to your self and your own conduct. what others think is so not your problem.

Dee74

I agree with Anna. Let them raise eyebrows. This is a workplace, not grade school

If you really feel that its a absolute requirement for your position that you appear at this underlings leaving go, do just that - appear, say your goodbyes and leave.

Honestly if it was me, I'd do even less that that.

If it was me, I'd say my goodbyes privately and explain that other commitments prevent me from coming to the leaving do....(you can leave it unspoken that it's a commitment to recovery)

D

Numblady

Similarly to what EVOO said, I really always found people who wouldn’t drink with me irritating and boring. Until I realized later that they bugged me because they had what I really wanted. You never know who you might help by practicing a choice they might one day be moved to emulate. If you go, sounds like you have a good plan.

SIB

Just don't, say you aren't feeling it that day or any other excuse. Once its said its over with. I have had some bad experiences with this though, a date once got mad and said "I didn't know you were going to make me drink alone", we never saw each other again. I also took a job years back, small office setting and wouldn't you know it on Fridays they'd go buy a bunch beer and then sit around and drink. I'd be alone at my desk. Didn't last there either!

MLD51

My thoughts exactly. I realize that might not be an option, however.

I used to work at a really small company that did Friday beer day every week. That suited me at the time, because I still drank then. They had to end that when it became a problem - people would hang out after work, go get their own booze, and drive home drunk. One time someone was messing around and set a garbage can on fire somehow, inside the building. I'm happy I do not work in a place with a drinking culture anymore. If I got caught drunk at work now I'd probably get fired.

Don't even give it a thought. Get your sparkling water. Could be no one will even ask. Don't volunteer anything. If they do ask, you owe no other explanation other than "I'm fine with water."

sydneyman

Just say you have had enough of drinking and quit. Perhaps look for another job while they are getting drunk. That's not a healthy work environment specially for you.