Worried
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Worried
Try to make this short to get to the point. My husband quit drinking last September thru December & started again around NYE. He has been that guy most would never know was an alcoholic as he does not slur, skip work, trip over himself, nothing. But since the beginning of the year he has been drinking more than usual, lost his job & just seems a complete mess. I told him if he did not quit, go to meetings & counseling it was time to separate. We did our taxes & I said when we got our refund back we could split it & he would have $ to get an apartment. Since the beginning of the year, he has shared 3x he is suicidal. My husband has been drinking for the past 8 years & never said these words. I am sitting on the fence if he is being manipulative or if he really means it. I tell him to call the suicide hotline & he says he can't. I have never seen him like this & I am not sure what to do. I have shared I care & our family loves him but told him I am not a professional & he needs professional help. I know I cannot control this & I know even with him saying these words, we have to separate. I sent his Mom & brother a PM telling them what is going on & to reach out to him but not sure what else to do?
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Stacy......If I were in your shoes, I would call 911 every single time that he shares, with you, that he is suicidal....they will have to come and evaluate him....
If he is manipulating you...he will probably be very mad, at you...but, that is o.k....(as long as he isn't violent)…...and he probably won't try it, again, if he knows that the professionals will show up....every ..single...time.....
Someone, that I know, called me, one night and gave me a very provocative suicidal story....so, I immediately sent the police to their house to do a wellness check....Wow! was she ever angry! I told her that I never take a chance and would call 911 every time someone tells me that....
Guess what...she has never done that, again...
If he is manipulating you...he will probably be very mad, at you...but, that is o.k....(as long as he isn't violent)…...and he probably won't try it, again, if he knows that the professionals will show up....every ..single...time.....
Someone, that I know, called me, one night and gave me a very provocative suicidal story....so, I immediately sent the police to their house to do a wellness check....Wow! was she ever angry! I told her that I never take a chance and would call 911 every time someone tells me that....
Guess what...she has never done that, again...
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Of course I don't know your husband or what's happening with his mental health, but I can tell you about what happened with my alcoholic ex-husband. I do agree with you, that no matter what your husband's issues are, he needs to get help for them. That is a decision he has to come to.
My AXH does have depression, which he self medicates with alcohol...which made him depressed...so he drinks, its a nasty cycle. He was prescribed antidepressants when he first tried to quit drinking on his own. (He continues to take them, but he also drinks, so I don't think they work or at least not as well as they would if he didn't drink)
There was a time my AXH was suicidal. He almost did it, but thank goodness he didn't. I told him then that if he didn't get help I was gone. I meant it. He talked to his doctor and wanted a magical fix. He refused to go to the hospital to detox. He was mad when the doctor told him to go to AA.
My AXH did go to AA, but he did not work the program the way it was meant to be worked. He would fall off the wagon and lie to me about it. I would be furious, he would pull out the suicide card to reel me back in. I would fall for it. He didn't do it often, he didn't have to. The night he almost "did it" never left my mind, so when he would hint at it again, I'd go back to that dark place. Then he would pull a disappearing act for a few hours so I could really get myself worked into a lather about whether he was dead or alive. He was very much using the fear I had about him committing suicide to manipulate me. He'd come home wasted and I'd keep my mouth shut because I was glad he hadn't gone through with it... it was a horrible way to live.
One time after we were separated, he was at my new place and we were trying to hammer out our separation agreement. It got nasty and he alluded to the fact that he wouldn't pay me that much money, he'd "end it" before working just to give me everything, blah blah blah, quack,quack,quack..... I looked him in the eye and told him that kind of manipulative "B.S." didn't work on me anymore. He stood up and walked out. I think he was still trying to play the old game. It didn't work. I didn't repeatedly try to call him or his friends or look all over town for him. I just waited. Later that night he called (probably well fortified with vodka) and apologized for "saying something he shouldn't have said", and we came to a final financial agreement that night on the phone.
He is still very much alive and in a relationship with a woman who enables his behavior.
My brother and eldest stepson also have mental health and substance abuse issues. They have both used threats of suicide to manipulate the people that love them. I don't fall for their manipulations any more then I would fall for my AXH's. They have both had loved ones call the authorities when they made threats and then been furious with those people. Both of them are still very much alive as well.
Threats of suicide SHOULD be taken seriously. I agree with Dandy that if he tells you he is suicidal you should call the authorities. Let someone who is trained to deal with these things do so. If he is serious he gets the help he needs, if he is manipulating you he isn't likely to try that tactic again.
It is absolute h*ll living under the threat of someone you love committing suicide. I am sorry you are having to go through this. I lived that way for years and it broke me.
My AXH does have depression, which he self medicates with alcohol...which made him depressed...so he drinks, its a nasty cycle. He was prescribed antidepressants when he first tried to quit drinking on his own. (He continues to take them, but he also drinks, so I don't think they work or at least not as well as they would if he didn't drink)
There was a time my AXH was suicidal. He almost did it, but thank goodness he didn't. I told him then that if he didn't get help I was gone. I meant it. He talked to his doctor and wanted a magical fix. He refused to go to the hospital to detox. He was mad when the doctor told him to go to AA.
My AXH did go to AA, but he did not work the program the way it was meant to be worked. He would fall off the wagon and lie to me about it. I would be furious, he would pull out the suicide card to reel me back in. I would fall for it. He didn't do it often, he didn't have to. The night he almost "did it" never left my mind, so when he would hint at it again, I'd go back to that dark place. Then he would pull a disappearing act for a few hours so I could really get myself worked into a lather about whether he was dead or alive. He was very much using the fear I had about him committing suicide to manipulate me. He'd come home wasted and I'd keep my mouth shut because I was glad he hadn't gone through with it... it was a horrible way to live.
One time after we were separated, he was at my new place and we were trying to hammer out our separation agreement. It got nasty and he alluded to the fact that he wouldn't pay me that much money, he'd "end it" before working just to give me everything, blah blah blah, quack,quack,quack..... I looked him in the eye and told him that kind of manipulative "B.S." didn't work on me anymore. He stood up and walked out. I think he was still trying to play the old game. It didn't work. I didn't repeatedly try to call him or his friends or look all over town for him. I just waited. Later that night he called (probably well fortified with vodka) and apologized for "saying something he shouldn't have said", and we came to a final financial agreement that night on the phone.
He is still very much alive and in a relationship with a woman who enables his behavior.
My brother and eldest stepson also have mental health and substance abuse issues. They have both used threats of suicide to manipulate the people that love them. I don't fall for their manipulations any more then I would fall for my AXH's. They have both had loved ones call the authorities when they made threats and then been furious with those people. Both of them are still very much alive as well.
Threats of suicide SHOULD be taken seriously. I agree with Dandy that if he tells you he is suicidal you should call the authorities. Let someone who is trained to deal with these things do so. If he is serious he gets the help he needs, if he is manipulating you he isn't likely to try that tactic again.
It is absolute h*ll living under the threat of someone you love committing suicide. I am sorry you are having to go through this. I lived that way for years and it broke me.
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