Glenjo99

How the universe works.

I was out for a coffee tonight with a friend and we talked about lots of different things, and I happened to bring up my ex, saying I'll probably never see him again but that I've learned a lot from the experience and am happy with no drama.

I check my emails this morning as usual and there is only an email from him! Asking how I am, that he has moved to MY town and to text him on his new phone number!!! The cheek, after I blocked him in January. He has obviously suckered the girl he was meeting in, and moved into her house (she lives in my town).

I mean I'm flummoxed. I will continue no contact but Jesus, right on my doorstep!

trailmix

Oh I thought he was already in your town with the cousin!

Well, I'm sure the email was full of remorse and apologies for his lack of any kindness during his last contact which he knows bothered you since you blocked him.

Or not.

Glenjo99

No he was in a town 8 miles away with his cousin but pretty close. Now he's in my town, I'm guessing he's moved in with this girl he latched onto at Xmas.

No remorse! Asked how I was, and said he is sober and doing great now. (Still all about him). In 6 weeks, clean and sober and doing great.......?

trailmix

It's a miracle!

So how did that contact make you feel?

Glenjo99

A bit strange. It's like who is this person emailing me, because I never really knew him.

Also not super anxious like I was with other contacts he made. I'm trying to summon up the anger of what he did new year's Eve to remind myself nc. Had a fleeting moment of thinking reply to say I'm not interested but that's engaging again. So going to ignore.

OpheliaKatz

So... no remorse tells me he may not be using/drinking... but he's not really in recovery. Probably thought he would get in touch with you since you're nearby because if his current enabler doesn't work out, he can bounce back to you (maybe). No contact is great. Block those emails!

Glenjo99

Interesting you make that link of no remorse to not drinking. I thought the opposite. Be interested to hear why?

Hit nail on head. It's because I'm close by and no other reason he emailed me.

OpheliaKatz

What I meant was, "while he says he is sober (or may be sober) it doesn't mean he is in recovery". Recovery is more than being sober. It's about owning the things you did.

Eauchiche

When people like this show up, WHOEVER they are, IGNORE, BLOCK and IGNORE some more.

Glenjo99

Oh I get you. Yeh I'm aware from being in here the difference I just didn't make the connection. Thanks

Glenjo99

I had done. Blocked his number since Xmas. Wasn't aware he had my email address, so blocking that too. The fact the email was sent at 12.30 am in the morning makes me question the sobriety thing too.

Hawkeye13

To him, you are still a potential resource.

That's about the size of it--he's all about himself, not other people.

You are a kind, loving person--people like him see that as a weakness
to be exploited, not for the wonderful gift it is.

PeacefulWater12

Thanks for all the shares in this thread. I needed to see them today, they have helped me.

Glenjo99

Absolutely and I see this more clearly than ever now. I never knew the real him so it's like ''''who is this stranger emailing me'. He has moved into my town so my close proximity is his reason for emailing, nothing to do with me as a person. I deserve and am worthy of so much better than the drama, hurt, lies and emotional unavailability he offers.

How he thinks I would be even interested in contacting him is beyond me, as they say in these parts, he has a brass neck!

trailmix

How he thinks I would be even interested in contacting him is beyond me, as they say in these parts, he has a brass neck![/QUOTE]

The real him isn't that cocky, assured (drunk or not) guy. The real him is someone who is scared all the time. Scared that anyone will see how vulnerable he is under all that bravado (just a hunch).

So he moves in with someone new and as someone has already said, what if that doesn't work out (which it probably won't unless she likes to drink all day every day) so he will call Glenjo, because you are a good person and reliable.

I imagine the bridge with the cousin is well and truly burnt (although she will probably take him back).

Block him or not, does it really matter at this point? I think you are guarded enough now to withstand whatever he throws your way.

Glenjo99

The real him isn't that cocky, assured (drunk or not) guy. The real him is someone who is scared all the time. Scared that anyone will see how vulnerable he is under all that bravado (just a hunch).

So he moves in with someone new and as someone has already said, what if that doesn't work out (which it probably won't unless she likes to drink all day every day) so he will call Glenjo, because you are a good person and reliable.

I imagine the bridge with the cousin is well and truly burnt (although she will probably take him back).

Block him or not, does it really matter at this point? I think you are guarded enough now to withstand whatever he throws your way.[/QUOTE]

Yeh I thought the same, sounds like bridges were burned with his cousin perhaps and this new girl is his latest place to stay. I'm sure he has told her she's the one, plans for marriage etc etc to gkeep her hooked.

I am guarded enough it's true. If he called to my door I don't think I'd have any problem telling him where to go. He's a user and hurt me over and over. I am choosing no more hurts.

PuzzledHeart

A piece of advice I heard in regards to emails - if an abusive ex reaches out to you via that channel it's best not to respond at all, because then the ex knows that the email address is valid.

One thing to look out for - make sure he doesn't try to reach out to you under a fake persona. One time, I had a person, who wasn't even an ex, who tried to repeatedly contact me via social media channels. I had no interest in this person, so I blocked him. Then he tried to FB friend me by taking on the names of older relatives. In the beginning, I really got riled up about it. By the fourth or fifth time, it just got to be a chore. I don't think he wanted to establish an actual connection - I think he was just really pissed off that I wanted nothing to do with him.

Glenjo99

Thanks for the advice, I haven't responded and don't intend to!

I totally agree that its more of a challenge to his ego now that I won't reply to him at all. Its not that he wants me at all. Thank God for the awareness in here.

Hawkeye13

On the positive side, Glen, I see in you someone building the self-love and esteem to attract a person actually worthy of your love and trust.

That is the silver lining in all of this

Glenjo99

Thanks, I'm a work in progress lol, but have to say his email or any contact would have sent me into turmoil last year so the work and self awareness must be working at some level. All I know is I deserve better, and I didn't feel that before, was happy with the crumbs.