Mia1972

Hi everyone,
I had a drinking problem with serious blackouts and irreversible actions with lots of miseries. Then I quit for 2 years. The reason I quit was because of gaining weight. It started like that and I ended up not drinking between January , 2014 to December, 2015. I have been drinking since. I didn't get myself in trouble but I am still having the worst hangovers. I am 47. I want to stop again. But all I think about is what I will do when I am in a social situation or dinner etc. For example I have a dinner this Friday and don't know what to do. I decided to quit yesterday but I am all anxious. I am in a state of hesitation although I don't want to drink and have those ugly hangovers.
This forum helped me a lot during my first trial.
That is why I came back.
Thanks to all of you in advance.
Waiting to hear your valuable motivations.

Evoo

Hi Mia!

Every time I've given up drinking for long stretches before this -- it's been under the pretense of a new diet, a new intensive workout/training program, a fast. That was me trying to hide from myself that I was an alcoholic, and to give me an "excuse" for not drinking. Always I had the goal of giving up alcohol for awhile and then picking it up again later, in "moderation."

Never works out that way though.

I think part of the problem was letting myself know that I'll be able to resume this lifestyle someday that it never stuck.

I completely understand being worried about a social gathering, but try to put it in larger perspective if you can! You've quit drinking for 2 years before, so you CAN do it, you know you can. And you don't need any explanation other than you're not drinking.

Crazy enough, I've found that most of my anxiety over social events was in my own head. Nobody really cares whether I drink or not. And I don't have to worry about having too much, too little, whether I'll drink when I get home...

You can do it . Glad you posted. This story really resonates and sounds familiar to me.

doggonecarl

Cancel the dinner. Say you've come down with a bug.

Mia1972

[QUOTE=OllieOliver;7122479]Hi Mia!

Nobody really cares whether I drink or not. And I don't have to worry about having too much, too little, whether I'll drink when I get home...

The thing is my anxiety is not about how people will think about me but how I will get along without drinking at that special event. I will feel like I am missing something. ((

Doris47

[QUOTE=Mia1972;7122551] I agree with above , just cancel untill your ready, no biggy😄

Mia1972

I know I sound hard but cancelling also makes me feel bad. I want to be there and not drink.

REM700

[QUOTE=Mia1972;7122551] You will be missing something. You'll be missing out on anxiety, guilt, hangover, possible blackout, regret, embarrassment.. I miss out on those things every time I go out and choose not to drink ethanol.

If it's a trigger that you're not comfortable with facing, then simply don't go. The sun will still rise tomorrow, only, you'll feel great in the morning!!

Mia1972

[QUOTE=REM700;7122591] I like how you put it. I choose not to drink ethanol Thank you. And yes that awful embarrassment!

SoberCAH

When I got sober, my social anxieties pretty much went away.

Ditto for my anxieties which would show up uninvited in my professional life.

What people who talk to me these days get is who I really am and not some stupid image of a happy, go-lucky guy I tried so hard to project.

I agree with Carl - I would bag the dinner for Friday.

It's not worth your sobriety.

Delilah1

Hi Mia,

I'm glad you're back. You had a great amount of sober time in the past, what were you doing then, besides the diet to help you stay sober?

I'm leaning toward not going to the dinner as well. Once you get a little more sober time under your belt it will be easier to feel less anxious at these events. If you do decide to go have an escape plan, and be ready to leave if you start to feel anxious.

I just turned 48, and have a little over three years sober, as you know, it's really worth it.

fini

good to see you back, Mia.
when i was newly sober, i chose not to go to a few events when i felt iffy. safety was and is very important to me, and i felt deep inside that i might not be safe, so did not go.
that changed after a while and now i go anywhere.
what do you think you would be missing?
check your thoughts/feelings on that and then compare them to the reality of how your drinking actually went.

least

I have never woken up sober and feeling good and wished I had drank the night before.

Zebra1275

I’m afraid I have a bit of bad news for you.

At your age, the hangovers aren’t going to get any better, in fact, they will get worse. If you don’t already have the morning shakes, you will. Here’s the alcoholic progression I experienced.

I was around your age when physically, for me, the poop hit the fan. I think it was the cumulative effect of drinking 4 or 5 drinks almost every night for years and when I hit my late 40’s my body was just tired.

To deal with the bad hangovers and morning shakes I came up with the brilliant solution of drinking a beer or two every morning before work to ease into my day. Obviously, that was a poor idea.

Later, when I had a couple weeks of vacation, that beer or two in the morning progressed into all day, around the clock drinking for 2 weeks. At the end of my vacation I was in deep trouble. At that point I needed medical help to quit, and my attempts to keep my drinking secret became pointless.

The good news is that I’m now coming up on 9 years sober and If I can do it, so can you. I really enjoy my life today and my health is great, it’s like I’ve been given a second chance. You can have that kind of future too, if you want it.

Anna

Mia, you will get to the point where you can enjoy a night out and not drink. But, it may be too soon for that right now. As long as you feel you are missing out on something by staying sober at a gathering, it might be best to stay home or make other plans.

Dee74

Welcome back

Some great ideas and advice here Mia.

For me staying sober meant some tough choices - you can't change your life without making changes.

I lost some friends, but I gained more. The bond my friends and I have is more than just a shared abuse of alcohol.

I changed my idea of fun - but I have more fun now than I ever did as a drinker.

I was very unhappy drinking but I did it to fit in with my friends.

Now I'm happy and I feel like I'm the authentic me making authentic decisions and my friends love me for who I am, sober and all.

I don;t think I lost anything through the changes I made to my sobriety but I gained a lot

Thinking about change is scary - but not changing is scarier.

I hope you decide to give it a go Mia
D

Mia1972

Thank you for your long reply. No I didn't get morning shakes ever. I drink every other week or every weekend. Maybe that is why. Well for the time being last night I did my dinner with no alcohol. But for the coming weeks I am not sure of myself. I always dream of drinking and not being sick and not throwing up. So I am very anxious about my future.

ReadyAtLast

I'm glad you got through the dinner without drinking

As others have said, what is the point in torturing yourself and creating anxiety by attending these events in the early days. It's unrealistic to think we can just get sober by doing exactly as we used to do going to bars restaurants and making no changes in our lives.

Dee74

Hi Mia
I think a lot of people rationalise that if they don't have the shakes or don't drink first thing in the morning, they have a job, they never miss a day etc - they can't possibly be alcoholic.

I believe binge drinkers can be alcoholics too. I was a binge drinker for a lot of years before I started all day drinking.

I had to accept my problem before I could do anything about it.

D