Surfbee

I have learned that I have been affected by alcoholism and that I can feel angry about that. But I can be gentle with myself and remember that I am doing the best I can, just like the alcoholic is. I am able to see the alcoholic in my life as more than just an alcoholic. I can see the loving, caring, funny and smart person there too. I can love this person, simply and honestly. And I can love myself too.

x

FallenAngelina

In AlAnon, I learn that what I focus on is what my life becomes.

Awal

I have no idea why, but tonight l feel resentment. A bottle of brandy has appeared in the cupboard (open and honest LOL) and l know hes at it now lm in bed. Usually l dont give a toss..but tonight its rattling my cage. Hopefully just a blip in what was my newly found acceptance.

NYCDoglvr

I was surprised that the biggest challenge I faced in Alanon was being gentle with myself about my part of the problem. Thank God it's a process: two steps forward, one back. But it does work, we do change if we keep trying. Thanks for your post!

Surfbee

I think acceptance is like a practice. Like yoga and meditation... You know it's good for you but you don't always have the focus or feeling to do it.... Usually due to life throwing its curveballs that can instantly throw you out of balance ....or when you feel run down / unwell....or when you've found yourself focused upon something negative that you feel is outwith your control. Or all of the above in one day lol.

My dad had a heart attack this week He's in hospital and the shock and stress meant no daily yoga and mediation, no being gentle on myself or feeling any kind of patience for those I perceive to be victims of their life experience. No patience for my boyfriend and his need to drown in his sorrows with booze. I've been feeling highly sensitive to pretty much everyone's BS.

But coming through this now I remember that yes, what i focus on my life becomes... Good and bad. And remembering that everyone is always trying their best even when they don't think they are. And even when you don't think you are or they are. You're trying your best in every moment.

And no matter where I'm at my inner guidance / Source is always there for me. This brings me a lot of comfort knowing this... And maybe today I'll start my day with my typical daily meds ( yoga and mediation). but if I don't then that's okay because I really can't be bothered anyway ! x


​​​​​​

Surfbee

Thanks Nycdog, very true... I prefer who I am when I'm softer and gentle, towards myself and others..It's a process for sure x

Maudcat

Hope your father wiil be okay, Surfbee.
Good thoughts.

Mango212

Ditto that. How is he doing?

It sounds like you're doing very well, overall. Ease, self-kindness and enjoyment of life through difficult times is a practice. What does your self care look like today?

((((hugs))))

trailmix

Hey Surfbee, sorry to hear about your Dad. Hope he is doing better now and will mend quickly.

Surfbee

Thanks Maudcat, Mango, Trail x

He's to get a triple bypass in a few weeks. Doc said the plaque in his arteries shows asbestos (from his old shipyard and insulation days ) .His dad and uncles all died from asbestos heart issues .. They were all coalminers and shipyard workers. Even my gran's autopsy showed asbestos in her lungs (from washing my grandad's work clothes). Shocking. But he's coping well and looking forward to coming home... and said he's grateful for the op when it comes. He survived a heart attack 17 years ago too so he's got a very strong heart.considering!

Self care today is doing mostly nothing. I'm watching the movie Deep Impact on bbc, then I'll do my first online food shop which I'm quite excited about lol x lazy day

Mango212

Thoughts and prayers are with you, your dad and your family! One day at a time.

Clover71

Clover71

Awal

Hi Clover, lm pleased to say lm back on an even keel again. I guess its normal to have dips in self control occasionally (alcoholics have them constantly!) Limbo is an excellent description.
Surfbee, sending love and wishing your father a speedy recovery xx

Surfbee

Hi Clover, thanks for your message and sorry about your dad but you misunderstood my posts. My dad is not an alcoholic. He's a non-drinker. My OP was about my partner.

​

Beachn

Lunchbox1

Awal

Its certainly a weird way to live...but as time goes on l focus more and more on me.

Lunchbox1

Awal

l can only imagine. Must be very tough.