Cleopatra4

Depression, despair, fear, terror, sadness, exhaustion, loneliness, sickness. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

SaturatedSeize

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are.

I've been there more times then I want to even consider counting and I know the only way to truly prevent the worst of myself is through sobriety.

What have you been trying to stay sober? What works? What doesn't work? Maybe try something different this time?

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear you aren't doing well Cleopatra. Are you still drinking or have you been able to get a handle on that issue? I had many of those same feelings you are having now due to my drinking.

Anna

Yes, Cleopatra, and the cycle will continue until you stop drinking. Alcoholism destroys your soul. I had no idea who I was anymore either. But, you can change that.

least

After I was sober for a while, my depression and anxiety got a lot better. I no longer feel hopeless and helpless. I hope you can find a way to stop drinking so you can feel better.

Ghostlight1

Imagine living like that for twenty years, if you haven't already, that's what I did.
I was a walking zombie. Just looking and waiting for my next drink for relief from all you mentioned and my own self loathing.
I hated myself. I hated what I had let myself become.
I was a ball of fear, anxiety, terror and despair.
Seemingly on Earth just to wait for my next drink.

I really hope you can stop drinking now. Save yourself. We'll help. Others will, too. All you have to do is ask.
I did, and it's been ten years since I felt that way. And I was about as bad an alcoholic as it gets at the end. And it was the end for me if I didn't stop drinking

Best to you and sending good thoughts your way. There is a way out.

Cleopatra4

Thank you. Sobriety feels so amazing, I don’t really know why I cant get past a week.

Fearlessat50

Hi Cleopatra, the week cycle has become a habit. Can you come up with some replacements to break that habit, and form a recovery plan? Maybe you need a little more support while you work on breaking this cycle? I was in cycles like that too. I finally did something different. I started going to therapy and practicing yoga and meditation to change myself. There’s lots of different tools and resources to help you. You can do this!

Ghostlight1

I couldn't get past four days for years. I don't know what it was about it, but four days was my limit.
I guess because I felt better, anxiety and fear were gone and 'Hey' I can drink again.
Man, I did that for years. Probably five. Then it just became one big blur of drunkenness. Couldn't stay sober for two days. Then none.

I clearly needed help. I went to AA. It took me many times to try and go, but I finally made it in.
Here were people like me, trying to solve the common problem with drink. It was very powerful and moving.
I came here.
I finally got it- I had to try and get sober more than I wanted to drink.
Slowly, very slowly, baby step slowly it worked.
If you knew me back then you wouldn't believe I have ten years sober.
I barely believe it.

If you really want sobriety, and it is amazing, get to work and do whatever you need to do. No one is going to do it for you until you get serious and seek out help. In whatever form that may be.

I'm rooting for you. I know you can do it, not just because I did, but because I saw people as bad as me do it.
Best to you. And use this place if that's what it takes. There's a lot of support here.
I feel for you. I've been to the lows. And you are so right, sobriety is amazing. And what's even more amazing, is it can become the new normal for us all.
I wish that for you.

Tetrax

Wow you just described my last fortnight (of drinking, after 16 days dry). Let's get better yeah?!

Delilah1

Cleopatra you can get past that first week, and it starts to get easier with each day you add to sobriety. What supports have you had in place in the past? A good starting point is reading and posting on here each day.

listae

You have courage for reaching out and writing about your feelings. I have tried to treat my depression and anxiety for twenty years but never stopped drinking. I only have 22 days but the feeling of despair is starting to lift day by day. My brain and soul became damaged by alcohol.

Dee74

Posting here regularly might help you get past that week Cleopatra?
Gotta be worth a shot?

maybe join the Class of January support thread?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-2-a-19.html

D

DayTrader

That's about how I'd start to feel after "not drinking" for a while. I couldn't even really put my finger on precisely why either.... it's like those emotions would just come out of nowhere.

Sure, for some they just go away with time. In my case, the continued well into my dry time and damn near drove me crazy. I finally got it through my head that I needed more than just not drinking - and that's when my real recovery started. It was news to me that those things, in my case, WERE/ARE my alcoholism. It was also news to me that for some of us, there can be a big difference between being dry and recovering. I'd always worked on getting dry but hadn't really worked on any type of "recovery" from alcoholism. For me, those repetitive failures were enough to get me willing to give this recovery deal a shot, even though I didn't really believe in it.

Perhaps there's something you too are missing Cleopatra or maybe something you haven't been willing to do that you may now have some extra motivation to try?