Been doing some reading....and thinking....
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Been doing some reading....and thinking....
and a couple lines keep running through my mind. One from the 12 & 12 and one from the Big Book:
1. It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.
2. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own
making. They arise out of ourselves.....
Especially #2... lol. I remember talking to my sponsor and saying, "OMG dude.... what if that was actually TRUUUUUEE!?" I honestly didn't think it was possible for that to be true. I figured it was just Bill being dramatic or inflammatory in an attempt to scare me (us).
11 years in and I've yet to find a time when both weren't 100% dead accurate.
1. It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.
2. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own
making. They arise out of ourselves.....
Especially #2... lol. I remember talking to my sponsor and saying, "OMG dude.... what if that was actually TRUUUUUEE!?" I honestly didn't think it was possible for that to be true. I figured it was just Bill being dramatic or inflammatory in an attempt to scare me (us).
11 years in and I've yet to find a time when both weren't 100% dead accurate.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
For me what's important is my response.
Nothing wrong with getting upset or feeling self-pity. The question is how long before I take action
To ignore how you feel is just as unhealthy as continuing to stew in anger, pity ect
Nothing wrong with getting upset or feeling self-pity. The question is how long before I take action
To ignore how you feel is just as unhealthy as continuing to stew in anger, pity ect
12-Step Recovered Alkie
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Allow me to approach this from a different angle....
Considering me being disturbed in the first place means (in every instance I can think of anyway) that someone isn't behaving the way I want them to, things aren't going the way I want them to, or something is happening that I think shouldn't be happening. As a result, I'm upset that life isn't unfolding as I had wanted it to...... or hoped it would...... .or expected it would. 100% of the time after this realization, that things aren't going the way I know they should, I start to experience fear.... fear that I'll get hurt, that someone else will get hurt, or that it'll "just be bad."
And of course, there's a helluva reading about what this type of behavior is indicative of on pages 60 - 63. When I'm truly connected spiritually - a state I would like to spend more time in for sure- I'd say it's about impossible to disturb me. When I'm spiritual sane and spiritually grounded I recognize the irrelevance of my judgments before or as I'm making them and they tend to fall away prior to setting me up to be disturbed at all.
That I continue to experience being disturbed, or resentments, or fear, or anger those things have become massive warning signs to me saying, "well buddy, I know you THINK you're in the right but guess what? You're off the spiritual beam again and it's time to make some corrections." I don't look to see if it's justifiable any longer - that type of rationalization isn't a skill I need to practice anymore. Growing my spirituality - that's what I'm looking for. And with that as my goal, any indication I get throughout the day - like getting mad, or fearful.....or disturbed..... isn't a "bad" thing. It's just another free blessing from God that I'm heading in the wrong direction at the moment.
Considering me being disturbed in the first place means (in every instance I can think of anyway) that someone isn't behaving the way I want them to, things aren't going the way I want them to, or something is happening that I think shouldn't be happening. As a result, I'm upset that life isn't unfolding as I had wanted it to...... or hoped it would...... .or expected it would. 100% of the time after this realization, that things aren't going the way I know they should, I start to experience fear.... fear that I'll get hurt, that someone else will get hurt, or that it'll "just be bad."
And of course, there's a helluva reading about what this type of behavior is indicative of on pages 60 - 63. When I'm truly connected spiritually - a state I would like to spend more time in for sure- I'd say it's about impossible to disturb me. When I'm spiritual sane and spiritually grounded I recognize the irrelevance of my judgments before or as I'm making them and they tend to fall away prior to setting me up to be disturbed at all.
That I continue to experience being disturbed, or resentments, or fear, or anger those things have become massive warning signs to me saying, "well buddy, I know you THINK you're in the right but guess what? You're off the spiritual beam again and it's time to make some corrections." I don't look to see if it's justifiable any longer - that type of rationalization isn't a skill I need to practice anymore. Growing my spirituality - that's what I'm looking for. And with that as my goal, any indication I get throughout the day - like getting mad, or fearful.....or disturbed..... isn't a "bad" thing. It's just another free blessing from God that I'm heading in the wrong direction at the moment.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by DayTrader 
Allow me to approach this from a different angle....
Considering me being disturbed in the first place means (in every instance I can think of anyway) that someone isn't behaving the way I want them to, things aren't going the way I want them to, or something is happening that I think shouldn't be happening. As a result, I'm upset that life isn't unfolding as I had wanted it to...... or hoped it would...... .or expected it would. 100% of the time after this realization, that things aren't going the way I know they should, I start to experience fear.... fear that I'll get hurt, that someone else will get hurt, or that it'll "just be bad."
And of course, there's a helluva reading about what this type of behavior is indicative of on pages 60 - 63. When I'm truly connected spiritually - a state I would like to spend more time in for sure- I'd say it's about impossible to disturb me. When I'm spiritual sane and spiritually grounded I recognize the irrelevance of my judgments before or as I'm making them and they tend to fall away prior to setting me up to be disturbed at all.
That I continue to experience being disturbed, or resentments, or fear, or anger those things have become massive warning signs to me saying, "well buddy, I know you THINK you're in the right but guess what? You're off the spiritual beam again and it's time to make some corrections." I don't look to see if it's justifiable any longer - that type of rationalization isn't a skill I need to practice anymore. Growing my spirituality - that's what I'm looking for. And with that as my goal, any indication I get throughout the day - like getting mad, or fearful.....or disturbed..... isn't a "bad" thing. It's just another free blessing from God that I'm heading in the wrong direction at the moment.
Considering me being disturbed in the first place means (in every instance I can think of anyway) that someone isn't behaving the way I want them to, things aren't going the way I want them to, or something is happening that I think shouldn't be happening. As a result, I'm upset that life isn't unfolding as I had wanted it to...... or hoped it would...... .or expected it would. 100% of the time after this realization, that things aren't going the way I know they should, I start to experience fear.... fear that I'll get hurt, that someone else will get hurt, or that it'll "just be bad."
And of course, there's a helluva reading about what this type of behavior is indicative of on pages 60 - 63. When I'm truly connected spiritually - a state I would like to spend more time in for sure- I'd say it's about impossible to disturb me. When I'm spiritual sane and spiritually grounded I recognize the irrelevance of my judgments before or as I'm making them and they tend to fall away prior to setting me up to be disturbed at all.
That I continue to experience being disturbed, or resentments, or fear, or anger those things have become massive warning signs to me saying, "well buddy, I know you THINK you're in the right but guess what? You're off the spiritual beam again and it's time to make some corrections." I don't look to see if it's justifiable any longer - that type of rationalization isn't a skill I need to practice anymore. Growing my spirituality - that's what I'm looking for. And with that as my goal, any indication I get throughout the day - like getting mad, or fearful.....or disturbed..... isn't a "bad" thing. It's just another free blessing from God that I'm heading in the wrong direction at the moment.
Yes, I was nervous/scared which is a natural reaction unless one is Mr. Spock.
The question is what will I do next?
Now, my higher power which I call God has made it clear over the years he helps those who help themselves. Thus I took action.
I called my attorney and now feel a bit more at ease.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I kept EXPECTING to get to a point where the nervousness and fear would just never pop up in the first place. ......that time still hasn't arrived. But what has happened is I recognize the emotions a LOT quicker and I can see them for what they are - the result of me thinking I am and need to be fully self-reliant all the while doubting I'm up to the task at hand - which is probably actually true at the moment. lol.
But, as you described Ken, the spiritual life isn't a theory - it's not something I need to work on to understand in my head, I have to "live it." Meaning, I have to take spiritual actions or I'll suffer the consequences. Pretty cut and dry.... and pretty simple too.
Congrats on taking action.
But, as you described Ken, the spiritual life isn't a theory - it's not something I need to work on to understand in my head, I have to "live it." Meaning, I have to take spiritual actions or I'll suffer the consequences. Pretty cut and dry.... and pretty simple too.
Congrats on taking action.
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