Rock Bottom Hit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Rock Bottom Hit
Hello friends. I had been on this board for some time. I have been battling addiction. Brief sobriety, relapse. Over and over.
So Saturday I relapsed again. I got smashed. Major fight with my wife. Nothing physical though. We were at a friends house out of town. She went back home with a friend on Sunday. I drove back home. I drank during the day.
When i I got back we had a serious discussion, but I was drunk. She told me quit drinking or we were done.
The next day, disaster ensued. Finally. I have been able to avoid the “worst” until now. It was a long time coming.
By 12:30 pm on Monday I was smashed again. A bottle of wine and two double scotches. As I was driving home, I rear-ended someone. They realized I was drunk and called the police. Thank God no one was hurt.
So I was arrested for DWI. Got out of jail on Tuesday morning. Spent the day on the couch. Wednesday was almost as bad. Lots of alcohol. Thursday was bad too.
My wife, well, I do not deserve her. She said she was sticking by me. She said I was strong and she believed in me.
So Saturday I relapsed again. I got smashed. Major fight with my wife. Nothing physical though. We were at a friends house out of town. She went back home with a friend on Sunday. I drove back home. I drank during the day.
When i I got back we had a serious discussion, but I was drunk. She told me quit drinking or we were done.
The next day, disaster ensued. Finally. I have been able to avoid the “worst” until now. It was a long time coming.
By 12:30 pm on Monday I was smashed again. A bottle of wine and two double scotches. As I was driving home, I rear-ended someone. They realized I was drunk and called the police. Thank God no one was hurt.
So I was arrested for DWI. Got out of jail on Tuesday morning. Spent the day on the couch. Wednesday was almost as bad. Lots of alcohol. Thursday was bad too.
My wife, well, I do not deserve her. She said she was sticking by me. She said I was strong and she believed in me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
Welcome,
A few things in what you said. You didn't hit bottom YET. Your wife is still supporting you. I don't know what state your'e from, but it sounds like the DUI you got was a misdemeanor or you'd still be in jail. This is coming from someone with multiple DUI's, and I could've easily killed someone too!
If your sponsor drops you then he wasn't meant to be your sponsor. We all have done bad things during our drinking that we wouldn't do while sober. Remember "we are not saints" . Tell your sponsor, start from the beginning with Step 1 and go to the meetings. I'm currently doing 90 and 90 because I know I need it. Once YOU come to believe that alcohol has made your life unmanageable it will get easier for you to work the steps. Believe me as this is someone talking that has completely burned my life down to ashes, and nobody to blame but myself.
Keep your head up bro.
A few things in what you said. You didn't hit bottom YET. Your wife is still supporting you. I don't know what state your'e from, but it sounds like the DUI you got was a misdemeanor or you'd still be in jail. This is coming from someone with multiple DUI's, and I could've easily killed someone too!
If your sponsor drops you then he wasn't meant to be your sponsor. We all have done bad things during our drinking that we wouldn't do while sober. Remember "we are not saints" . Tell your sponsor, start from the beginning with Step 1 and go to the meetings. I'm currently doing 90 and 90 because I know I need it. Once YOU come to believe that alcohol has made your life unmanageable it will get easier for you to work the steps. Believe me as this is someone talking that has completely burned my life down to ashes, and nobody to blame but myself.
Keep your head up bro.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 91
I hope you do pay heed to this warning, thank god you or no one else involved is being buried next week . It is a story all too familiar on these forums unfortunately. The DUI seems to be the wake up call . You seem very lucky to have a supportive wife . A lot of people at rock bottom have driven every one away and are left alone with the addiction. Take this opportunity with both hands and run with it. You can most definitely change your ways and I wish you all the best on your journey!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
You can definitely come back from this.
No one was hurt. Nothing permanent is done.
Get a lawyer. Let them deal with the legal stuff so all you have to do is show up and make the big decisions.
In the meantime, make being sober each day the top priority. Everything else can just be everything else. Seriously. Get some good sober time. You have a wife willing to stick by you. That's great. Regardless... keep it simple but keep it intense and focused.
Be sober. That's it.
Best to you-
B
No one was hurt. Nothing permanent is done.
Get a lawyer. Let them deal with the legal stuff so all you have to do is show up and make the big decisions.
In the meantime, make being sober each day the top priority. Everything else can just be everything else. Seriously. Get some good sober time. You have a wife willing to stick by you. That's great. Regardless... keep it simple but keep it intense and focused.
Be sober. That's it.
Best to you-
B
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 327
Hi Horn,
This is my experience, my wife was not going to keep me sober no matter how much support she gave me. I haven’t had a DWI yet but if I kept drinking odds are iI would have . My AA Sponser can’t keep me sober either I have to put the work in. He can give me guidance and suggestions but I have to change . Yes it is a We program.
Alcohol clouds our judgement, when I was drinking swore I wouldn’t drive , that went out the window many times.
So what happens if your wife does leave you or your sponsor drops you? Will it be an excuse to pick up again I hope not.
I think you have it in you to get sober but you really have to want it. It’s really hard I know , it was a daily fight every day for 4 months plus.
In the beginning I just had to not drink for an hr a day a week and repeat what I did for that hr , day, week to stay sober..
Jump back into AA , the water is fine. You’ve seen how bad it can get . You know it can get a lot worse. Best of luck my friend.
This is my experience, my wife was not going to keep me sober no matter how much support she gave me. I haven’t had a DWI yet but if I kept drinking odds are iI would have . My AA Sponser can’t keep me sober either I have to put the work in. He can give me guidance and suggestions but I have to change . Yes it is a We program.
Alcohol clouds our judgement, when I was drinking swore I wouldn’t drive , that went out the window many times.
So what happens if your wife does leave you or your sponsor drops you? Will it be an excuse to pick up again I hope not.
I think you have it in you to get sober but you really have to want it. It’s really hard I know , it was a daily fight every day for 4 months plus.
In the beginning I just had to not drink for an hr a day a week and repeat what I did for that hr , day, week to stay sober..
Jump back into AA , the water is fine. You’ve seen how bad it can get . You know it can get a lot worse. Best of luck my friend.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Horn, I'm glad you posted about what happened. Here's where the nightmare can end. Remember how miserable & desperate you've felt through this. It never has to happen ever again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
Good to see you posting Horn. Bad that you had a legal encounter. So sorry that you are on this merry go round. Horn, you are one of my favorites from my beginning here on SR. We struggle both of us. Just hope you are ready this time to commit to sobriety. You are loved here on SR.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey Horn
I'm glad you are ok. And I'm glad no one else was hurt.
Well, been following your story for a while and it reads like the very typical descent of alcoholism. And as is normal, the speed of the descent usually begins to accelerate. The consequences get more dire, more potentially deadly.
I hope when you are feeling ready you will read back all of your posts. To me there are a few large red flags:
1. Terminal uniqueness, better than (I'm financially successful, educated, my wife is hot type stuff....which is all great btw when 'right sized' ), different from etc. Assessing oneself, defining oneself based on external markers (which is part of it, for sure, no argument there)
2. The relationship with the wife: She wants a drinking partner, offers you wine (that was from a past post), likes to party with the girls and maybe not come home when she does. I would just invite you to figure out what, if anything, she has to do with your recovery. I mean, if she left you, which she isn't....again (why is that btw? Not a question you need to answer, just ponder internally) would you then just continue to drink? And by her staying, does that then mean you'll get sober? I just see a pattern of unhealthy communication and lack of boundaries. More external markers. Maybe its time to start really thinking about what role she does play? Would she stop drinking or at minimum not drink around you?
3. And then the usual stuff: Is alcohol actually working? Do you need a more serious intervention or will it take losing the wife and the high power career to get truly serious?
Look, I totally get it. I just see such a typical pattern here, the denial, the justification, the rationalization, the brushing off, the 'I've got this'. I'm concerned for you. You don't have to lose everything to get better. You really don't. I will send some positive vibes out into the universe for you hoping that you will start to get this this shlit is taking your life down. And its speeding up the process...........
I'm glad you are ok. And I'm glad no one else was hurt.
Well, been following your story for a while and it reads like the very typical descent of alcoholism. And as is normal, the speed of the descent usually begins to accelerate. The consequences get more dire, more potentially deadly.
I hope when you are feeling ready you will read back all of your posts. To me there are a few large red flags:
1. Terminal uniqueness, better than (I'm financially successful, educated, my wife is hot type stuff....which is all great btw when 'right sized' ), different from etc. Assessing oneself, defining oneself based on external markers (which is part of it, for sure, no argument there)
2. The relationship with the wife: She wants a drinking partner, offers you wine (that was from a past post), likes to party with the girls and maybe not come home when she does. I would just invite you to figure out what, if anything, she has to do with your recovery. I mean, if she left you, which she isn't....again (why is that btw? Not a question you need to answer, just ponder internally) would you then just continue to drink? And by her staying, does that then mean you'll get sober? I just see a pattern of unhealthy communication and lack of boundaries. More external markers. Maybe its time to start really thinking about what role she does play? Would she stop drinking or at minimum not drink around you?
3. And then the usual stuff: Is alcohol actually working? Do you need a more serious intervention or will it take losing the wife and the high power career to get truly serious?
Look, I totally get it. I just see such a typical pattern here, the denial, the justification, the rationalization, the brushing off, the 'I've got this'. I'm concerned for you. You don't have to lose everything to get better. You really don't. I will send some positive vibes out into the universe for you hoping that you will start to get this this shlit is taking your life down. And its speeding up the process...........
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
You still have a chance to see this as a reason to be sober. You don't have to actually hit rock bottom before you decide to make a change. Being as honest as I can. Take heed to this car accident. You don't have to have 3 or 4 DUIs or lose your job.
Rooting for you!
Rooting for you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I'm really sorry to hear this Horn. You are one of the people who were active when I got sober finally 6 months ago and I think we have similar backgrounds and life situations. You're in a tough spot man but there's evidence on this site, Buckley being an awesome example, of people who have risen from situations even more dire than the one you're facing. The only way to do it, as I know you know deep down, is to quit drinking for good.
It is in you man, I think that's clear from your presence and continued attempts on this site. The day has come for you and it's time to finally take your life back. Good luck, time to get to work.
It is in you man, I think that's clear from your presence and continued attempts on this site. The day has come for you and it's time to finally take your life back. Good luck, time to get to work.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Horn, your recount of what has happened is a replay of what happened to me, almost to the smaller details. I don't need to recount my story here, other than to say a few things. I got a lawyer, and my charge was downsized to extreme DUI from very extreme. It was my first in the state where it occurred, and I went to jail for 15 days. I used those fifteen days to really think about my life and what sobriety would mean to me. The prior posts here offer you plenty of departure points for that discovery process. In the end I ended up thrown out and homeless. This can and should be an opportunity for you to make big changes in how you think and in your future behaviors. Accept all the help available to you. Thanks for coming to us to relate your new status.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
**if you want to stop drinking*** you are going to have to remove your wife 'staying with you' out of the scenario of your drinking/not drinking. That's neither here nor there in regards to YOUR drinking. How'd the IOP treatment go? The back to AA meetings go? IMO you place a lot of,if not all, responsibility of your drinking/not drinking on your wife's staying/leaving/doings. You'll never get/stay sober with that mindset. Not being mean..just real talk.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Horn, I feel for you I really do. I got a DUI about five months ago and it was incredible the impact it had on me. I bumped the car in front of me in traffic, causing no damage to either car but the woman insisted on calling the police. They did a breathalyser and the rest is history. I went into an incredible spiral of self-destruction afterwards, drinking around the clock for three or four days, suicide attempts, etc.
As a result of the DUI I have lost my license for nine months and my car was confiscated. When I can re-apply for my license I will have to buy a new car. I have to pass a thorough psychological and medical exam including blood, urine and hair tests for drugs and alcohol. I will have to repeat these exams yearly for ten years.
I have also lost custody of my children. Though not legally mandated, my ex and I are following the advice of a mediator and she has limited my access to my children to 1.5 hours each weekday- supervised by the nanny or someone else. It is hell on earth to not be with my children.
I know that the only way forward is to stay sober. Absolutely. There is no other way out.
Just wanted to share my experience with you so you know you are not alone and things could always be worse. Keep at recovery!
As a result of the DUI I have lost my license for nine months and my car was confiscated. When I can re-apply for my license I will have to buy a new car. I have to pass a thorough psychological and medical exam including blood, urine and hair tests for drugs and alcohol. I will have to repeat these exams yearly for ten years.
I have also lost custody of my children. Though not legally mandated, my ex and I are following the advice of a mediator and she has limited my access to my children to 1.5 hours each weekday- supervised by the nanny or someone else. It is hell on earth to not be with my children.
I know that the only way forward is to stay sober. Absolutely. There is no other way out.
Just wanted to share my experience with you so you know you are not alone and things could always be worse. Keep at recovery!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
