Triggered by being triggered by being triggered by being triggered 🙄
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Triggered by being triggered by being triggered by being triggered 🙄
Went to a codependent anonymous meeting today. Found it so helpful and a better suit than Al Anon for me, but it's just a good bit away.
Could relate to everyone's stories, about trying to identify, create enforce boundaries. Doing so much for others, being the one people always come to for advice etc.
I talked about being triggered by lot of people around me, ie family members and some friends so I've pulled back a lot and have felt bit isolated. Another guy then spoke about how it's not real life to avoid all the triggers. He said recognise them, feel them and then would know the next thing to do.
I am realising there's no point hiding away in home long term trying to avoid triggers. They are going to be everywhere, that is life. But recognising them, feeling them and I think, not REACTING to them is important. As melody beattie says, we codependents are reactionaries. We over react and under react, we are always reacting. Knowing when I'm triggered and not reacting will be so helpful but I have to engage in life.
As was shared with me later by a woman there, it is also very normal after a break up of any kind, no matter how it ended, to spend some time in isolation like I have been so it's a mixture of it all (particularly where there were trauma bonds).
First the pain, then the waiting then the rising. The waiting sucks, but I hope to rise again when I'm ready.
Could relate to everyone's stories, about trying to identify, create enforce boundaries. Doing so much for others, being the one people always come to for advice etc.
I talked about being triggered by lot of people around me, ie family members and some friends so I've pulled back a lot and have felt bit isolated. Another guy then spoke about how it's not real life to avoid all the triggers. He said recognise them, feel them and then would know the next thing to do.
I am realising there's no point hiding away in home long term trying to avoid triggers. They are going to be everywhere, that is life. But recognising them, feeling them and I think, not REACTING to them is important. As melody beattie says, we codependents are reactionaries. We over react and under react, we are always reacting. Knowing when I'm triggered and not reacting will be so helpful but I have to engage in life.
As was shared with me later by a woman there, it is also very normal after a break up of any kind, no matter how it ended, to spend some time in isolation like I have been so it's a mixture of it all (particularly where there were trauma bonds).
First the pain, then the waiting then the rising. The waiting sucks, but I hope to rise again when I'm ready.
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Well that does sound really helpful.
They are right about the triggers. You are learning to handle those though true?
You will know when it's time to venture out again and test that out. Yes, isolation initially is normal, feelings are raw, you are vulnerable, it doesn't seem safe to throw yourself out in public or be with people who are not kind and who you can lean on.
Once you are feeling stronger it's imperative to get back out there, otherwise you risk isolating for much longer than you ever anticipated and that's very negative. I don't see that happening to you anyway!
Will you go back to more of these meetings do you think?
They are right about the triggers. You are learning to handle those though true?
You will know when it's time to venture out again and test that out. Yes, isolation initially is normal, feelings are raw, you are vulnerable, it doesn't seem safe to throw yourself out in public or be with people who are not kind and who you can lean on.
Once you are feeling stronger it's imperative to get back out there, otherwise you risk isolating for much longer than you ever anticipated and that's very negative. I don't see that happening to you anyway!
Will you go back to more of these meetings do you think?
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Originally Posted by trailmix 
Well that does sound really helpful.
They are right about the triggers. You are learning to handle those though true?
You will know when it's time to venture out again and test that out. Yes, isolation initially is normal, feelings are raw, you are vulnerable, it doesn't seem safe to throw yourself out in public or be with people who are not kind and who you can lean on.
Once you are feeling stronger it's imperative to get back out there, otherwise you risk isolating for much longer than you ever anticipated and that's very negative. I don't see that happening to you anyway!
Will you go back to more of these meetings do you think?
They are right about the triggers. You are learning to handle those though true?
You will know when it's time to venture out again and test that out. Yes, isolation initially is normal, feelings are raw, you are vulnerable, it doesn't seem safe to throw yourself out in public or be with people who are not kind and who you can lean on.
Once you are feeling stronger it's imperative to get back out there, otherwise you risk isolating for much longer than you ever anticipated and that's very negative. I don't see that happening to you anyway!
Will you go back to more of these meetings do you think?
Listening to some of the guys at the meeting today, they were involved with narcissists and other addicts and they were explaining how they were so enthralled by them they would end up watching a particular tv programme they didn't like just to please them! In my head and later in person I laughed and said, only 1 programme?? I watched ALL his stuff, his music most of which I didn't like just to please him so he wouldn't leave 😒. They are still affected by their experiences.
Yes I will go back though may not be able to go weekly which is a pity as I found it so helpful.
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You WILL rise, Glenjo. Glad you found a meeting that fits you. I found, w/Alanon, that the meeting that was the closest or at the best time for me wasn't always the most useful. If you find that the codependents meeting is really giving you what you need, it is definitely worth your while to make the extra effort to get there. Also, bear in mind it may not be forever... I know that people at Alanon sometimes make it sound like you'll need to attend for the rest of your life, and there are indeed many who do so for years and years. But there are also those who learn what they need to learn and then move on, and I don't see anything wrong w/that either. You might fall into either camp; who can tell so early on?
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Originally Posted by honeypig
You WILL rise, Glenjo. Glad you found a meeting that fits you. I found, w/Alanon, that the meeting that was the closest or at the best time for me wasn't always the most useful. If you find that the codependents meeting is really giving you what you need, it is definitely worth your while to make the extra effort to get there. Also, bear in mind it may not be forever... I know that people at Alanon sometimes make it sound like you'll need to attend for the rest of your life, and there are indeed many who do so for years and years. But there are also those who learn what they need to learn and then move on, and I don't see anything wrong w/that either. You might fall into either camp; who can tell so early on?
Yes it is hard to know so early on if I could just learn what I need and move on. I like that idea, but it also scares me a bit lol. Almost like I would forget everything I've learned, does that make sense? I have moments where I wonder if I'm clinging to all the learning etc too much but today for example, I took a break listened to a lot of music, caught up with friends and it was lovely. Moderation in all I suppose.
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I think that it's a very individual thing, as far as what's right in terms of participation in Alanon/CODA/what have you. It's important that there is a base of veterans, and I'm glad that there are those who've been around for decades who give of their time and experience. I met a number of folks like that, for whom Alanon is truly their spiritual well, and you can tell this about them.
For me, however, it was only a part of my learning and healing--an important part, no doubt, but as time went on, I found that other sources spoke more directly to me, and thus I haven't been to a meeting in some time.
I continue to recommend it to newcomers here, though, b/c I DO think it's such a good way to find some support and sanity (not to mention information about alcoholism and codependence ) when one is right in the thick of things. It has the advantage of being f2f, and I think that's a big thing, too--an actual physical hug, a real live person who can sit w/you and drink a cup of coffee are things that an online forum simply cannot provide.
I don't think you need to worry about where you'll go next or how long you'll stay where you are. Not at all.
For me, however, it was only a part of my learning and healing--an important part, no doubt, but as time went on, I found that other sources spoke more directly to me, and thus I haven't been to a meeting in some time.
I continue to recommend it to newcomers here, though, b/c I DO think it's such a good way to find some support and sanity (not to mention information about alcoholism and codependence ) when one is right in the thick of things. It has the advantage of being f2f, and I think that's a big thing, too--an actual physical hug, a real live person who can sit w/you and drink a cup of coffee are things that an online forum simply cannot provide.
I don't think you need to worry about where you'll go next or how long you'll stay where you are. Not at all.
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Originally Posted by honeypig
I think that it's a very individual thing, as far as what's right in terms of participation in Alanon/CODA/what have you. It's important that there is a base of veterans, and I'm glad that there are those who've been around for decades who give of their time and experience. I met a number of folks like that, for whom Alanon is truly their spiritual well, and you can tell this about them.
For me, however, it was only a part of my learning and healing--an important part, no doubt, but as time went on, I found that other sources spoke more directly to me, and thus I haven't been to a meeting in some time.
I continue to recommend it to newcomers here, though, b/c I DO think it's such a good way to find some support and sanity (not to mention information about alcoholism and codependence ) when one is right in the thick of things. It has the advantage of being f2f, and I think that's a big thing, too--an actual physical hug, a real live person who can sit w/you and drink a cup of coffee are things that an online forum simply cannot provide.
I don't think you need to worry about where you'll go next or how long you'll stay where you are. Not at all.
For me, however, it was only a part of my learning and healing--an important part, no doubt, but as time went on, I found that other sources spoke more directly to me, and thus I haven't been to a meeting in some time.
I continue to recommend it to newcomers here, though, b/c I DO think it's such a good way to find some support and sanity (not to mention information about alcoholism and codependence ) when one is right in the thick of things. It has the advantage of being f2f, and I think that's a big thing, too--an actual physical hug, a real live person who can sit w/you and drink a cup of coffee are things that an online forum simply cannot provide.
I don't think you need to worry about where you'll go next or how long you'll stay where you are. Not at all.
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The people who trigger us to feel negative emotions are messengers. They are messengers for the unhealed parts of our being. Of course there are certain people we need to totally stay away from for our own physically well being. But for our emotional well being we need to at some point face those people, allow ourselves to feel nervous and uncomfortable and get into that fight-or-flight mode so that we can learn to just pause, breath and feel grounded in order to get back our capacity to deal with the situation mindfully.
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Originally Posted by atalose
The people who trigger us to feel negative emotions are messengers. They are messengers for the unhealed parts of our being. Of course there are certain people we need to totally stay away from for our own physically well being. But for our emotional well being we need to at some point face those people, allow ourselves to feel nervous and uncomfortable and get into that fight-or-flight mode so that we can learn to just pause, breath and feel grounded in order to get back our capacity to deal with the situation mindfully.
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Well can I get an Amen!? What a GREAT post Glenjo!
I can so relate to the isolating and...waiting. Waiting for healing, waiting for me to become a stronger person, just...waiting. It's frustrating, but YOU WILL RISE AGAIN, and when you do, you will be emotionally ready!
Thank you again for sharing, I found your post so very relevant!
I can so relate to the isolating and...waiting. Waiting for healing, waiting for me to become a stronger person, just...waiting. It's frustrating, but YOU WILL RISE AGAIN, and when you do, you will be emotionally ready!
Thank you again for sharing, I found your post so very relevant!
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
Well can I get an Amen!? What a GREAT post Glenjo!
I can so relate to the isolating and...waiting. Waiting for healing, waiting for me to become a stronger person, just...waiting. It's frustrating, but YOU WILL RISE AGAIN, and when you do, you will be emotionally ready!
Thank you again for sharing, I found your post so very relevant!
I can so relate to the isolating and...waiting. Waiting for healing, waiting for me to become a stronger person, just...waiting. It's frustrating, but YOU WILL RISE AGAIN, and when you do, you will be emotionally ready!
Thank you again for sharing, I found your post so very relevant!
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