tomtom1978

Hello,

I'd like to join in with the forum if that's OK? I've been reading it for the last two weeks and found it to be an amazing help.

My story

I've always drunk every day since I was a teenager. I'm 40 now. It was just an evening thing until my business went on a downhill spiral about 5 years ago. Long boring story about my business but it was very painful. The responsibility of trying to keep 10 employees in work and feed my family just became too much.
I started daytime drinking and then morning drinking and have managed to do this all this time without getting caught (I think?).
I'm a really bad liar but somehow I've kept this from everybody. One trick with my wife is to hide wine outside and then have an excuse to go out like to empty the bins and then swap bottles.
Anyway my health and appearance are really starting to suffer and after a heavy bing two weeks ago after my wife went to bed, I woke up and decided enough was enough. The guilt of spending our money on booze instead of on my family plus the fact I'm killing myself and will leave my children fatherless has become too much.
I'm feeling really strong mentally and will do this. I've had all the physical symptoms tremors, nightmares and waking seeing things in my bedroom, sickness etc etc, but the urge to pick up the bottle has been surprisingly easy to avoid.
I've done it all on my own as I feel to ashamed to tell my family, so I'm hoping you guys will listen to me.
My business is doing much better now and hopefully so will I.
Many thanks for reading
Tom

lessgravity

Welcome Tom. Lots of support and wisdom here at SR.

You have a path that many of us can relate to. I'm 41 and rode the booze train as far down the dark path of lies, wreckage, self-sabotage and suffering as I could before finally quitting for good this year.

It sounds like you are ready to do the same.

What's your plan?

Anna

Welcome Tom!

Two weeks of sobriety is fantastic, and you will always find lots of support here.

PhoenixJ

Welcome TT. Turn the shame into proactive change. Turn the guilt into remorse and the anger at yourself into learning and doing. Put as much effort into recovery as you did into booze.

A good thing for me to remember is- YES- I did a helluva lot of damage when I was drinking- as is shown by my (soon to be) ex and 2 adult sons not talking to me. I was left with bad burns from a booze blackout, then homeless- now much better thanks to a Salvo's recovery thing....(2.5y sober now- the first male in my line, counting backwards for 70 years to say this)

YES- bad. But I was very, very unwell- added to clinical depression- I was NOT a bad person, deep down. With recovery come the morality and the self esteem.
Join some of the threads- like Class of September 2018. Mine is C/O March '16 and have only missed a few days in that time thru a blackout and viruses.
A safe and welcoming community- the more you read and participate- the more you will get out of it.
Support to you.

least

Welcome to the family Tom! Congrats on two weeks sober. You've gotten thru the withdrawals and now it's just a matter of having a plan to stay sober no matter what. I hope our support can help you stay sober for good.

Hevyn

It's great to meet you, Tom.

It helps to be here & talk things over with those who understand what we're going through. Two weeks is fabulous - we know how hard you worked to get there. Congratulations on making this big change in your life. You'll never regret it.

tomtom1978

I don't have a plan as such. I look at this place a lot.
I feel really strong at the moment. I took my son to the park when I got home and I've worked out that the £150+ I've saved by not drinking over the last 2 weeks will pay for my daughters dancing lessons for this term.
I'm only looking up.
Thanks all.
My liver still aches though which is making me nervous.

plop

Tom, good to hear you feel strong at the moment, just remember to be prepared for those moments when you don't feel that strong. Unfortunately there will be some of those too.

All the best for your recovery.

August252015

Glad you are here. Most of us who have gotten sober and plan to stay that way do just that- have a plan.

Some folks like our good Dee use SR as their program- others like me are devoted AAers. Others can share he different paths they take but the critical thing is that we all have specific action.

Perhaps look into the Class of Sep 2018 thread here under the Newcomers Daily Support thread, where you will find folks quitting the same time as you.

Adding specific things to do, daily, to my initial decision to quit started me on my sober journey. You can do it too.

tomtom1978

Hi,

Sorry I haven’t posted more. I’m now more than2 months sober. I’m still having wobbles but feel like the worst is well behind me.
I’ve become addicted to chocolate and fizzy water though.
I just wanted to say thank you to the forum. I do a lot of reading on here but my story so far has been a bit boring TBH.
Cheers
Tom

Hevyn

You're not boring, Tom. 2 months is wonderful.
I had a sugar craving for a while - but it all settled down.
Glad to hear from you.

mariposa

Dee74

Thanks for the update tom - great going
and hey - you're not boring - noone has exactly the same story as you do-post as much as you want or need to

D

lessgravity

2 months is great. Good to hear from you, thank you for checking in.

Also fizzy water is one of the manmade wonders of this earth.

Finalround

20+years of daily drinking. Quit cold turkey. Maintained 2months sobriety. Boring? Nay. Awesome, TBH.
That's the kind of stuff most of us need to hear.
If that's boring, I'll take some.
Congrats Tom.

August252015

Glad to hear your update! And "boring" is a gift of sobriety in my experience