XAH has moved on and it hurts
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Join Date: Feb 2017
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XAH has moved on and it hurts
My XAH has moved on from me in a very public, shameless, and insensitive manner. I knew it would happen some day and I thought I actually wanted it to to take the pressure off me. If he is happy and feels like he is winning, he might be nice to me right? I thought it might hurt but when I got hint of it through my kids and learned about it on Facebook in her “feeling blessed with my man” type post a month after everything was final it hit me like a box of rocks. I’ve been hanging with a guy too but it’s been going very slow and discrete. And I’m not at a point that I could be ever hopelessly infatuated with someone because....well.... the first one crashed and burned so painfully.
Why is he allowed to be so stinking happy when I’m still getting over my misery?
What does she have that makes him so happy that I don’t have?
I feel like I always thought that I would tell him about a boyfriend before springing it on him and having the kids meet someone but he literally had the kids meeting her super quick with no warning.
Why does she have to look really great? She’s prettier than me and seemingly successful.
My relationship with his family was always strained, especially now after I left. Now I see his family interacting with her on Facebook and it hurts too.
What did I do wrong to always get to be the unhappy one in this??
How’s his drinking you may ask? Well he has still done absolutely nothing to my knowledge. He is the binge drinker that will go weeks or months without drinking and then goes on benders. To my knowledge he has had no benders recently. My rational mind knows this is how it goes. He distracts himself with some shiny pretty something and is ok for a while until binging and deciding everything is terrible. Just can’t seem to get myself to fully absorb this. It sucks.
Why is he allowed to be so stinking happy when I’m still getting over my misery?
What does she have that makes him so happy that I don’t have?
I feel like I always thought that I would tell him about a boyfriend before springing it on him and having the kids meet someone but he literally had the kids meeting her super quick with no warning.
Why does she have to look really great? She’s prettier than me and seemingly successful.
My relationship with his family was always strained, especially now after I left. Now I see his family interacting with her on Facebook and it hurts too.
What did I do wrong to always get to be the unhappy one in this??
How’s his drinking you may ask? Well he has still done absolutely nothing to my knowledge. He is the binge drinker that will go weeks or months without drinking and then goes on benders. To my knowledge he has had no benders recently. My rational mind knows this is how it goes. He distracts himself with some shiny pretty something and is ok for a while until binging and deciding everything is terrible. Just can’t seem to get myself to fully absorb this. It sucks.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Hi Bachtel, 
I'm sorry this is so painful....I get that. When I learned that my ex-husband (1st husband) was getting married several years ago, it was still painful to me. Even though he had cheated on me and became verbally and emotionally abusive, and I had dated myself after the divorce, it still hurt.
And yes, my ex's new wife is younger and prettier than I. My ex had every right to marry again.
Plus, I know for a fact that her looks and youth don't mean that I am less than her or that I am not attractive and loveable. I am...
And so are you! With time, this pain will fade. I promise. I'm speaking to you from the other side of that pain...
I'm sorry this is so painful....I get that. When I learned that my ex-husband (1st husband) was getting married several years ago, it was still painful to me. Even though he had cheated on me and became verbally and emotionally abusive, and I had dated myself after the divorce, it still hurt.
And yes, my ex's new wife is younger and prettier than I. My ex had every right to marry again.
Plus, I know for a fact that her looks and youth don't mean that I am less than her or that I am not attractive and loveable. I am...
And so are you! With time, this pain will fade. I promise. I'm speaking to you from the other side of that pain...
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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Oh, batchel, there are so many assumptions in your questions. But what they boil down to is why are you dealing with reality while he still gets to pretend.
Please, for your own sake, resist buying into the fantasy that he has somehow miraculously transformed into a perfect partner for someone else. It's just an illusion.
Please, for your own sake, resist buying into the fantasy that he has somehow miraculously transformed into a perfect partner for someone else. It's just an illusion.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Hey batchel I know you're just getting it off your chest. Try not to compare yourself with anyone - it's just not healthy.
We can all predict the outcome of this can't we? Remember what it was like, and the reasons why you aren't with him now. It may take time, but if he hasn't recovered he'll eventually revert and she'll have some thinking to do.
No fresh new love can ever be compared with a long term relationship. We all know this, and we all have seen examples of people lured away by the excitement of a new romance, only to regret it later.
Take a deep breath, stop checking facebook and remember all the good things in your life.
We can all predict the outcome of this can't we? Remember what it was like, and the reasons why you aren't with him now. It may take time, but if he hasn't recovered he'll eventually revert and she'll have some thinking to do.
No fresh new love can ever be compared with a long term relationship. We all know this, and we all have seen examples of people lured away by the excitement of a new romance, only to regret it later.
Take a deep breath, stop checking facebook and remember all the good things in your life.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
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Hi, batchel.
These are powerful feelings, and you have the right to them.
That being said, I would not assume that everything is rosy on his side of the street.
You know what you know, and, end of the day, it’s far better to be out of his orbit, yeah?
Thought about getting off social media for a while?
These are powerful feelings, and you have the right to them.
That being said, I would not assume that everything is rosy on his side of the street.
You know what you know, and, end of the day, it’s far better to be out of his orbit, yeah?
Thought about getting off social media for a while?
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Hi Batchel. One of the first things I learned the hard way is if you don't want to get burned, quit putting your fingers on the stove. Give social media a rest for a bit. I gave up FB over a year ago, and yes, there are things that I miss out on, but the peace I get from not putting myself in a position to be hurt far outweighs it. The people in my life that are really important to me, I just don't need social media for. There are other ways to communicate. Just my own two cents. Hugs to you.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
What did I do wrong to be the unhappy one in all of this?
When we look to others to complete us, and deliver happiness and joy to our lives, we generally end up disappointed. This happiness thing, is in inside job, life is ever changing, there will always be ups and downs.
Those of us who have had a front row seat,witnessing how addiction claims our partners, truly understand the devastation this disease can cause. We are forced to surrender, the addiction remains more powerful than our love for them.
As you know, living with an active alcoholic is deceiving. Those unacceptable behaviors and actions are still happening, they are just happening in someone else’s household. He is not embracing a recovery program, The new gf is now on the receiving end of all the unhealthy crazy.
Time to embrace today’s opportunity, life without having to deal with an active addict daily, is fabulous!
When we look to others to complete us, and deliver happiness and joy to our lives, we generally end up disappointed. This happiness thing, is in inside job, life is ever changing, there will always be ups and downs.
Those of us who have had a front row seat,witnessing how addiction claims our partners, truly understand the devastation this disease can cause. We are forced to surrender, the addiction remains more powerful than our love for them.
As you know, living with an active alcoholic is deceiving. Those unacceptable behaviors and actions are still happening, they are just happening in someone else’s household. He is not embracing a recovery program, The new gf is now on the receiving end of all the unhealthy crazy.
Time to embrace today’s opportunity, life without having to deal with an active addict daily, is fabulous!
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I think it is completely normal to have the feelings you are having. You were bonded to this guy, you share children, of course this is going to be painful and a bit of a blow to the old ego.
I remember how I felt knowing my XAH had "moved on".. it was gutting.
Over time I have learned that he is certainly no more honest with her than he was with me. I have learned that she is scared for his health. I have learned that he has gotten at least one more DUI "under her watch". I have learned that his health problems are getting worse. I have learned that his finances are a bigger mess than when he was with me. I am sad to know his life is still a disaster, sad for him, sad for my kids... but I am DAMN GLAD I don't have a front row seat to that crap anymore.
One thing I did when the wound was still raw was block my AXH's girlfriend and her friends on Facebook... that way I didn't ever accidently see anything some other mutual friend or relative put up with them tagged in it. It was a little thing, but it helped a lot knowing I could scroll FB and not have my guts ripped out at a glance.
It will get better. I know that is small comfort right now, and please do vent as much as you need to, but I promise, it does get better.
I remember how I felt knowing my XAH had "moved on".. it was gutting.
Over time I have learned that he is certainly no more honest with her than he was with me. I have learned that she is scared for his health. I have learned that he has gotten at least one more DUI "under her watch". I have learned that his health problems are getting worse. I have learned that his finances are a bigger mess than when he was with me. I am sad to know his life is still a disaster, sad for him, sad for my kids... but I am DAMN GLAD I don't have a front row seat to that crap anymore.
One thing I did when the wound was still raw was block my AXH's girlfriend and her friends on Facebook... that way I didn't ever accidently see anything some other mutual friend or relative put up with them tagged in it. It was a little thing, but it helped a lot knowing I could scroll FB and not have my guts ripped out at a glance.
It will get better. I know that is small comfort right now, and please do vent as much as you need to, but I promise, it does get better.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I would like to add:
As awful as it feels, I don't think it is "wrong" that you feel this way. Yes it SUCKS but at least you are processing your feelings instead of jumping into a bottle or a bed to "deal" with them. Trust me, you are going to fare way better in the long run then the person that hides from the truth of their emotions.
hugs
Originally Posted by batchel9 
What did I do wrong to always get to be the unhappy one in this??
hugs
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 222
I can completely understand your feelings as I went through the same exact experience. In fact, while reading your post, for a second I thought I wrote it. It is hard to watch what APPEARS to be your ex moving on and "winning". For me I had to take some time and remember how absolutely difficult it was being married to someone who I didn't know what was truth and what was lies, difficult being in a marriage where I felt so alone even though he was in the house, difficult being married to someone that couldn't connect intimately or emotionally, etc. All the hardships of being in that marriage are gone and I love the freedom I have now of getting to find a new partner where I know who I am, what I accept for myself and someone to share things with on an equal footing.
While my ex ran to another woman as well, I ran to Alanon, therapy, yoga and meditation, retreats, etc to heal me. Being involved with an alcoholic took a toll on me and I was going to take as much time as I needed to get right with me. Learn who I was and what makes me happy. Finding that happiness within. Finding my purpose, my passion. I wanted to know me before adding a relationship in, so when that person comes along I can love them fully and not "need" them to fill any hurts or empty spots inside of me.
So while your ex appears to be moving on, their old character defects are going with them. And their GF or wife will have to deal with that. And if she doesn't mind, then kudos to her, and wish them well. But for me, I know I deserve more than the crumbs I was thrown and so do you.
You are a strong woman. Spend time with yourself and figuring out what you want each day. What makes you happy? And do more of that. You have been given a gift of him leaving, though it might not seem that way, I promise you it is. And remember that alcoholics are masters at manipulation and making things seem a certain way. Things are not as they appear.
Do yourself a favor and just focus on the beauty of you and the light within you. You will be ok and there is another side to this. By not bypassing the pain, and walking through the fire and doing the hard work, we get to the other side where there is freedom, peace, serenity, happiness and love. Do the work, it's ok to feel your feelings, just make sure you look into what they are. Feelings are not facts, they are merely road signs to direct us to something we need to heal deep within us.
Focus on you. I send you lots of love and hugs. You'll be ok.
P.S. Block him on FB or take a break from it. It'll do your heart good
While my ex ran to another woman as well, I ran to Alanon, therapy, yoga and meditation, retreats, etc to heal me. Being involved with an alcoholic took a toll on me and I was going to take as much time as I needed to get right with me. Learn who I was and what makes me happy. Finding that happiness within. Finding my purpose, my passion. I wanted to know me before adding a relationship in, so when that person comes along I can love them fully and not "need" them to fill any hurts or empty spots inside of me.
So while your ex appears to be moving on, their old character defects are going with them. And their GF or wife will have to deal with that. And if she doesn't mind, then kudos to her, and wish them well. But for me, I know I deserve more than the crumbs I was thrown and so do you.
You are a strong woman. Spend time with yourself and figuring out what you want each day. What makes you happy? And do more of that. You have been given a gift of him leaving, though it might not seem that way, I promise you it is. And remember that alcoholics are masters at manipulation and making things seem a certain way. Things are not as they appear.
Do yourself a favor and just focus on the beauty of you and the light within you. You will be ok and there is another side to this. By not bypassing the pain, and walking through the fire and doing the hard work, we get to the other side where there is freedom, peace, serenity, happiness and love. Do the work, it's ok to feel your feelings, just make sure you look into what they are. Feelings are not facts, they are merely road signs to direct us to something we need to heal deep within us.
Focus on you. I send you lots of love and hugs. You'll be ok.
P.S. Block him on FB or take a break from it. It'll do your heart good
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Hon,
I agree with all the other posters, she has your "discarded trash". Look over the years of what he did to you, do you think it will be any different for her? Look at all the wonderful pix you posted on FB showing how lovely your family was..... was it?
Our addicts need enablers, it is part of Alcoholics 101. I would say a very large percentage of addicts find "love" after a long term relationship, because they need too. It hurts, it sucks but they have no love for themselves so how can they love someone else, they don't. This is how they go in survival mode, they show everyone that they can be loved, they are lovable.
You need these "confirmations" to really move on in life. My axh also had a fling at the end of our marriage. I don't think they are together but I could care a less. He is a lonely, sick, mentally ill man who I had enough pride in myself to move on in life, after a very long time with him.
Glad you posted, but you know that it is not going to be a easy ride with him. You actually should say a prayer for her because she is going to be on this forum in 6 months asking how to get my new boyfriend sober and live happily ever after.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
I agree with all the other posters, she has your "discarded trash". Look over the years of what he did to you, do you think it will be any different for her? Look at all the wonderful pix you posted on FB showing how lovely your family was..... was it?
Our addicts need enablers, it is part of Alcoholics 101. I would say a very large percentage of addicts find "love" after a long term relationship, because they need too. It hurts, it sucks but they have no love for themselves so how can they love someone else, they don't. This is how they go in survival mode, they show everyone that they can be loved, they are lovable.
You need these "confirmations" to really move on in life. My axh also had a fling at the end of our marriage. I don't think they are together but I could care a less. He is a lonely, sick, mentally ill man who I had enough pride in myself to move on in life, after a very long time with him.
Glad you posted, but you know that it is not going to be a easy ride with him. You actually should say a prayer for her because she is going to be on this forum in 6 months asking how to get my new boyfriend sober and live happily ever after.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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batchel…..I certainly can relate to your feelings....
If we invested ourselves, at all...I think it is a primal feeling...from the old brain....to feel a "competition" from anyone who comes onto our "territory"....millions of years ago...we killed our rivals...lol...
A couple of my thoughts---an inescapable fact of life is that there is Always someone who is prettier than us...and someone who is not as pretty as us.....
Always someone who is more accomplished and talented than us....and those who are less accomplished and talented than us....some people with more apparent "luck" and others with less luck than us...
We are all on a spectrum for everything....
Comparing ourselves too much is a fool's errand.....it tells us nothing important..
Consider this---even when we see an ex with someone who is less "sparkly" than us...we still feel as bad as we do when they are More sparkly than us!
I have personal experience that this is true....
Facebook---Danger Ahead----Back Up 200 Feet....(an OSHA rule)...lol
If we invested ourselves, at all...I think it is a primal feeling...from the old brain....to feel a "competition" from anyone who comes onto our "territory"....millions of years ago...we killed our rivals...lol...
A couple of my thoughts---an inescapable fact of life is that there is Always someone who is prettier than us...and someone who is not as pretty as us.....
Always someone who is more accomplished and talented than us....and those who are less accomplished and talented than us....some people with more apparent "luck" and others with less luck than us...
We are all on a spectrum for everything....
Comparing ourselves too much is a fool's errand.....it tells us nothing important..
Consider this---even when we see an ex with someone who is less "sparkly" than us...we still feel as bad as we do when they are More sparkly than us!
I have personal experience that this is true....
Facebook---Danger Ahead----Back Up 200 Feet....(an OSHA rule)...lol
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
There is a lot in your post and I want to reply to it all! I'm sorry you have been hurt in this.
This line really stood out to me:
How have you judged this and why? I'm not naive to the fact that society has certain ideas of what people should or should not look like or wear or whatever, doesn't mean you have to buy in to it.
We aren't living in a magazine (thankfully!)
So yes, how do you judge this? You are beautiful just as you are and I don't mean that in some kind of airy-fairy we are all God's children kind of way.
What is beautiful to one may not be beautiful to someone else, that is an absolute scientific fact. Plus, you are actually not in a competition. Not for him, not against her or anyone else.
You are who you are. Love that, that's worthy of your love, you are kind and thoughtful, you have real feelings and you reach out. The fact that you reached out here shows that.
Never underestimate yourself, you are neither better nor "worse" than her.
I'll leave it at that and I hope you take it to heart and I hope you see your own beauty.
This line really stood out to me:
Why does she have to look really great? She’s prettier than me and seemingly successful.
We aren't living in a magazine (thankfully!)
So yes, how do you judge this? You are beautiful just as you are and I don't mean that in some kind of airy-fairy we are all God's children kind of way.
What is beautiful to one may not be beautiful to someone else, that is an absolute scientific fact. Plus, you are actually not in a competition. Not for him, not against her or anyone else.
You are who you are. Love that, that's worthy of your love, you are kind and thoughtful, you have real feelings and you reach out. The fact that you reached out here shows that.
Never underestimate yourself, you are neither better nor "worse" than her.
I'll leave it at that and I hope you take it to heart and I hope you see your own beauty.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 122
Batchel9,
I am sorry your ex moved on so clean handed and untarnished. I was w my exah for more than 30 years and he too moved on with someone richer, better looking, etc.. its an indescribable pain that takes a while (a long while for me) to cast off. Its merciless how quickly and easily they can forget about us.
I thought it was unfair that he was living the life mortgage free and retired!
I am no longer on fb-it took awhile but no more pain shopping for me.
I would just get sick to my stomach thinking he would marry her. I thought about that often.
Guess what? They did get married and they are livingin the house i invested so much time and money in while enjoying their retirement.
But..... by the time they married i no longer cared and am grateful im not living that woma s life bc its always about him.
Btw she never was prettier, thinner, richer, etc..i was in such a bad place i didnt recognize it.
She aint successful either--would any woman who respected herself give up her life to care for an unhealthy, bed wetting, verbally abusive, cheap drunk? So you see shes got issues just like your exes lady.
I can only tell you i went to lots of therapy, took medication, forced myself to exercise and hone some hobbies. With time you will be just fine but yut it will take work. I absolutely refuse to be a bitter victim of my life.
Im so much happier and freer. I never could be myself 100% around him anyway. People like me too!
I am sorry your ex moved on so clean handed and untarnished. I was w my exah for more than 30 years and he too moved on with someone richer, better looking, etc.. its an indescribable pain that takes a while (a long while for me) to cast off. Its merciless how quickly and easily they can forget about us.
I thought it was unfair that he was living the life mortgage free and retired!
I am no longer on fb-it took awhile but no more pain shopping for me.
I would just get sick to my stomach thinking he would marry her. I thought about that often.
Guess what? They did get married and they are livingin the house i invested so much time and money in while enjoying their retirement.
But..... by the time they married i no longer cared and am grateful im not living that woma s life bc its always about him.
Btw she never was prettier, thinner, richer, etc..i was in such a bad place i didnt recognize it.
She aint successful either--would any woman who respected herself give up her life to care for an unhealthy, bed wetting, verbally abusive, cheap drunk? So you see shes got issues just like your exes lady.
I can only tell you i went to lots of therapy, took medication, forced myself to exercise and hone some hobbies. With time you will be just fine but yut it will take work. I absolutely refuse to be a bitter victim of my life.
Im so much happier and freer. I never could be myself 100% around him anyway. People like me too!
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Facebook isn't a window into someone's life. My observation is that people who put up all those "Super #blessed to have this awesome life"! posts are doing so defensively - they know (or suspect) that all may not be well and so they double down on announcing that things are perfect because they've got something to prove (meanwhile, the business is going into receivership, the dry rot is spreading in the dream house, the high-achieving kids are getting expelled from school, or the perfect new boyfriend is spending just a bit too much time face-down in the bottle ...).
FWIW, my ex's second now-ex-wife has the entire cycle on her Facebook page. From "So grateful for this wonderful man!", complete with vacation pics to "Escape from living nightmare with narcissist, time to heal!" a few years later (we're sort of friends now, and she pointed this out to me).
Don't be taken in by appearances - and if the appearances are distressing you, dump Facebook.
FWIW, my ex's second now-ex-wife has the entire cycle on her Facebook page. From "So grateful for this wonderful man!", complete with vacation pics to "Escape from living nightmare with narcissist, time to heal!" a few years later (we're sort of friends now, and she pointed this out to me).
Don't be taken in by appearances - and if the appearances are distressing you, dump Facebook.
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batchel, I have made peace with my life, granted, it took me a long time to do this. My ex moved in with a woman that he worked with within 6 months of our divorce, and convinced my children that he was always faithful to me. Well, that was a lie, but I let it go.
I remember going to his mothers wake, 10 months after we divorced. My ex did the same to this woman that he did to me. He moved and stood in front of her and would not introduce her to anyone. She ended up just sitting down, by herself. I knew what that felt like, he did it to me.
I think when I saw that, I was OK with accepting that she was not "the enemy", that she was going to have the same treatment that I had.
There have been numerous times that we had to be together. A wedding, a baby shower, graduations, and many more to come. Thing is, I have no hatred or jealousy for her. I reach out to her, and I give her hugs when we meet, and hugs saying goodbye. I can also do this with my ex.
On facebook, my ex is not on facebook, she is. I am not a "friend", but I do see some posts when she is responding to my children. That's fine with me now, she is actually a nice person, and I have no problem with this. Sometimes, I even "like" her replies.
There was only one time that I got upset on facebook, (only on there for the last 2 years, and was divorced 12/2010), that was when my "drama queen" daughter said that she was visiting her "mom" and "dad" the next weekend.
Of course you feel disregarded and thrown away for a better version. It's how they made us feel, like we weren't good enough. The thing here is, we finally got strong enough to know ourselves, and what we like and what we didn't like. We started talking about it, and feeling that things should change. We wanted more for ourselves then what we were getting. We got stronger. We got strong enough to say "no more".
No, the beginning of a relationship means nothings really. Both people are trying to put out their best behavior. Your ex is happy that she hasn't figured him out yet, the way that you did. She will.
Just ((((((((((many hugs))))))))))))))))
I have felt the same way, but it will get better.
amy
I remember going to his mothers wake, 10 months after we divorced. My ex did the same to this woman that he did to me. He moved and stood in front of her and would not introduce her to anyone. She ended up just sitting down, by herself. I knew what that felt like, he did it to me.
I think when I saw that, I was OK with accepting that she was not "the enemy", that she was going to have the same treatment that I had.
There have been numerous times that we had to be together. A wedding, a baby shower, graduations, and many more to come. Thing is, I have no hatred or jealousy for her. I reach out to her, and I give her hugs when we meet, and hugs saying goodbye. I can also do this with my ex.
On facebook, my ex is not on facebook, she is. I am not a "friend", but I do see some posts when she is responding to my children. That's fine with me now, she is actually a nice person, and I have no problem with this. Sometimes, I even "like" her replies.
There was only one time that I got upset on facebook, (only on there for the last 2 years, and was divorced 12/2010), that was when my "drama queen" daughter said that she was visiting her "mom" and "dad" the next weekend.
Of course you feel disregarded and thrown away for a better version. It's how they made us feel, like we weren't good enough. The thing here is, we finally got strong enough to know ourselves, and what we like and what we didn't like. We started talking about it, and feeling that things should change. We wanted more for ourselves then what we were getting. We got stronger. We got strong enough to say "no more".
No, the beginning of a relationship means nothings really. Both people are trying to put out their best behavior. Your ex is happy that she hasn't figured him out yet, the way that you did. She will.
Just ((((((((((many hugs))))))))))))))))
I have felt the same way, but it will get better.
amy
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Midwest
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When I divorced, I removed my AXH from every social media account. Best decision ever! Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I wish I could look but I can’t. I would advise you to do the same. The one thing to remember is that people do not change, well...they do but it takes work and committment. She will have the same experiences as you did with him. You need to live your life, there is so much out there and remember he will not change because he is with someone else.
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Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
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Originally Posted by BlownOne
Hi Batchel. One of the first things I learned the hard way is if you don't want to get burned, quit putting your fingers on the stove. Give social media a rest for a bit. I gave up FB over a year ago, and yes, there are things that I miss out on, but the peace I get from not putting myself in a position to be hurt far outweighs it. The people in my life that are really important to me, I just don't need social media for. There are other ways to communicate. Just my own two cents. Hugs to you.
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Location: maine
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Facebook isn't evil, but it sure makes people feel bad.
I think about 90% of the folks on it are engaged in not much more than image crafting. Most of my family is of a different political view than I, so I don't follow them. Ditto my friends. I don't post things to antagonize them.
My facebook is down to following perhaps a half dozen folks who post cute pictures of their grandchildren, and links to cat videos. It makes for a *very* quick read.
My man friend will ask, "Did you see what I posted on your wall?" No, I didn't. We live together. Just show me what you want me to see. I'm right here on the couch beside you. Mostly when I see gooey, lovey stuff on Facebook, I suspect the couple has had an argument, and the wife is using her feed to get attention or apologize sort of indirectly.
Early on, I became Facebook friends with a man I had a thing for in my youth. I liked him a lot, a whole lot. Thirty-five years later, we re-connect, and his status is, "It's complicated." Over the next few weeks, it cycles through married, single, and in a relationship (with a new woman!) And it included all the lovey stuff with new woman. I wanted to say, Man, you're still married! Stop posting this rubbish. Be discreet. Instead I thanked God for unanswered prayers.
I think about 90% of the folks on it are engaged in not much more than image crafting. Most of my family is of a different political view than I, so I don't follow them. Ditto my friends. I don't post things to antagonize them.
My facebook is down to following perhaps a half dozen folks who post cute pictures of their grandchildren, and links to cat videos. It makes for a *very* quick read.
My man friend will ask, "Did you see what I posted on your wall?" No, I didn't. We live together. Just show me what you want me to see. I'm right here on the couch beside you. Mostly when I see gooey, lovey stuff on Facebook, I suspect the couple has had an argument, and the wife is using her feed to get attention or apologize sort of indirectly.
Early on, I became Facebook friends with a man I had a thing for in my youth. I liked him a lot, a whole lot. Thirty-five years later, we re-connect, and his status is, "It's complicated." Over the next few weeks, it cycles through married, single, and in a relationship (with a new woman!) And it included all the lovey stuff with new woman. I wanted to say, Man, you're still married! Stop posting this rubbish. Be discreet. Instead I thanked God for unanswered prayers.
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