Gerard52

The fundamental problem we all face as addicts is we are looking in the wrong place for contentment and fulfilment. We are operating on a surface and self centred level where we are incapable of denying ourselves anything that offers instant gratification. Many of us now rely on alcohol or drugs as coping mechanism to deal with negative emotions. That is a viscious circle and to get out of it we need to recognise it.

Consumerism not that much different instant gratification. Thinking into the future I get that car house whatever I will be happy. It just doesn't work. We think like children wanting new toys that get cast aside in 5 minutes.

I don't think finding hobbies, walks in the park or meditation is going to do it, well not for me. What I need is to absorb myself in a challenge a goal, something that needs dedication and effort. In my case it is my business. Taking action also is the best cure for worry and anxiety.

Then we need to be aware of our emotions and not act on them.

Dee74

I wasn't on a quest for material stuff - I was looking for something deeper, something hard to grasp...some meaning some purpose

I'm glad I realised in time that drinking and drugging was never going to get me there

D

Dropsie

Its all about action. Whatever your action is, go for it!

I am just an addict.

Wasn't really seeking anything, just drinking because that is what I did.

My current view is that we got this one life. For some, its just too hard, or too scary, or they got maltreated as a child. So they need to alter their reality to cope.

I dont think that was me. I just liked to drink and it became part of who I was. And then I was addicted. So I needed it, craved it, did crazy things for it.

And then I stopped. And life became dfferent, harder, easier, more interesting, boring.

Just life.

Its OK by me.

I am going to enjoy every boring minute.

Concious. Sober. Lucky.

XX

teatreeoil007

I don't think finding hobbies, walks in the park or meditation is going to do it, well not for me. What I need is to absorb myself in a challenge a goal, something that needs dedication and effort. In my case it is my business. Taking action also is the best cure for worry and anxiety.

Then we need to be aware of our emotions and not act on them.-Gerad

I agree with you that it is sometimes best not to act on our emotions. But in some cases, it's good to find our passion and make it happen. So then: can we find out what it is we are passionate about and then proceed methodically to pursue our passions in a way in which we don't rely on just our emotions, but on our practical step by step implementation of plans to achieve what we are ultimately most passionate about?

In this world of increasing mediocrity...I find passion lacking for many.

I have passionate hobbies. Some find this hard to understand. I'm also passionate about my career. One does not really detract from the other. Some people find it hard to believe how passionate I am about my hobbies. I would pursue this hobby singularly...were it not for some factors. I think it's totally possible to have fulfilling, passionate hobbies...to actually crave long walks in the park or along a river...and yes, meditation...as a means to balance it all out. The day I forgo my long walks or my meditations are perhaps days that lead to great peril for my life and my sobriety.

teatreeoil007

There are many hobbies that demand challenge and dedication. Perhaps it depends on how serious you are and to what level you wish to achieve. Let's take a look at artists/artistry. Consider this: many famous artists such as are now household names that we all have heard of were starving artists in their day. Unheard of. But, something tipped the scales and they became forever famous. Was their art just a "hobby" or a passion? You see, I think the whole concept of something being "just a hobby" needs to be revamped, if you will.

RandyLee1015

Do you think that it is overthinking the basics? Overactive minds need a serious stimulating activity to be entrenched in?

Gerard52

No I do not. I find when I give serious thought to things it has served me well. It may be basic to you but it is fundamental to me.

bunchie

I respectfully disagree, if you have a hobby in life you enjoy, and you were neglecting it because of your addiction what's wrong with picking it up again? In As they are constantly reminding us to fill our time , with walks, excercise, reading, writing, poetry, painting , whatever yuur passion is or was , I agree and believe this is helping me stay sober. I also believe that if investing yourself in your business is keeping you challenged then that's great, but I do not see the difference between that and having a hobby or passion for other things.

Gerard52

Hi Bunchie, my interpretation and use of word hobby may have caused misunderstanding. I tend to think of hobbies as stuff you were meant to do to fill time and have to think up to put on job application forms.

I absolutely agree that the way overcome addiction is to do something you can be fully absorbed in.

entropy1964

I don't know what 'we' need. I think I know what 'I' need. I don't know what your addiction is or isn't. I think I know what mine is tho. I try to stay focused on what is inside my own hula hoop. Try not to compare what works for me to what works for someone else. When I'm here I try to absorb what everyone says as means of learning.

For me, focusing on the external as a means to an end eventually comes up short. It helps, and obviously external activities are a major part of life. But that contentment, for me, is an inside job and resides internally.

lessgravity

For me I have come to understand that for all the years I've been trying to quit, failing, falling, getting back up and then drinking again - it was my soul that was being thwarted, hurt, imprisoned and it was my soul (or psyche) that yearned to break out of the cycle.

I don't like how you demean things like meditation or other "hobbies" as you put it. For many it's the small practices like that which feed the soul, rather than starve it. I have the time and space and peace and energy now, since I'm not hungover or drunk or scheming between those two, to do the things like meditation, lift weights, read, spend time with my family.

When you get sober you one of the best gifts you get is time. What you do with that time, I think, is up to you.

tomsteve

thank you for this.

i had a crapton of crap underneath the alcoholism- not just one or two things- that needed addressing.

idk gerard, but imo dedication and effort into your business is looking in the wrong place for contentment and fulfilment

being content is an internal thing- no outside forces necessary for it. being content for me was accomplished by getting rid of the crapton of crap that was underneath the alcoholism.

elisava

there are thoughts and feelings... but they do not have to dictate behavior.
the thing I have noticed in sobriety is that you cannot allow yourself to run on autopilot.
it can be exhausting, but so was using. as addicts, we do not have the luxury of bitterness, resentment, even the guilt or shame. it just goes down a bad road.
I have found that making your amends when appropriate and living an honest life helps so much. but this takes time. show up and suit up and do the work and you will gain back the trust of your friends and family.

kevlarsjal2

I didn't look for instant gratification. I don't have problems denying myself pleasures. I am generally a very controlled and strong willed person. I mostly drank to numb my feelings, I used it as a pain killer for my emotional pain which I was unable to deal with. I never drank for pleasure and if I tried it, I didn't like it. I used alcohol as a medicine.

But yes, in most cases we need to change our lives, learn new skills on how to cope with life, treat underlying illnesses we may have. A new hobby won't solve it in most cases I guess.

Gerard52

The business is just a particular area that needs my attention at this time. The peace of mind I am talking about is being absorbed in something other than my own worries and fears anxieties. The process of doing something constructive and gaining satisfaction from the result.

As Tony Robbins says, motion creates emotion.

Ladysadie

Gerard, I appreciate your post and understand you may be at a crossroads with your life. Not all of us are lost. Many of us have run off the track and have made corrections to get back online with our life. One doesn't have to blow up ones life to realize alcohol does not enhance it but diminishes many aspects of living fully.

I am blessed (or cursed as I sometimes feel) to live in the beautiful Pacific NW on a large property which requires maintaining. If I fail to keep up with things - in sound working condition, the land watered and green - I run the risk of fire threat, deteriorating property values, diminished quality of living. I went off track and got sidelined by my drinking, things got neglected, and I had to slap myself around a bit to come to the realization there were many positives to focusing on priorities.

Living with nature restores my soul. Having family and friends over frequently involves me being sober, so worth putting the bottle down. How can I tell you I feel lost when my life involves love of family and influencing the next generation. I think isolation is a huge common denominator to why a lot of us got caught up in our addictions. Hopefully you are building a good support system for yourself. Sending you best wishes on your journey!

I knocked off my destructive drinking and feel more connected to my world than ever, knowing I have many blessings by holding my life together responsibly. Yes it's sometimes hard work but the rewards are paid in spades.

elisava

it is not a process of internal strength or willpower.
I believe that this is a journey of acceptance.

graciepearl

I'm absorbed in not absorbing alcohol

Healthyandsober

Hi Gerard,

Thank you for this thread.

I don't thing I was looking for anything. I was just so uncomfortable with myself even as a small child and even without knowing it. I just feel odd, unhappy like something is off.

Once alcohol came to the picture I became someone else, I was free no need for hobies or school or interest and ambitions. My hobby was drinking and I always drank to get drunk. No such thing as social drinking for me.

I am your real life Dr jekyll and MR hide. I would wake up after a bender look at the mirror and be like who am i and where I am. Ha ha , not to be dramatic but alcohol changes my personality big time.

Alcohol was doing a great job for me until it wasn't. So Im done now. Trying to find out who I am and what I want or where I am going cause I have no clue.

I guess it will be more difficult for me to get out of this mess that it will be for you or a lot of people on this thread. I feel my identity is so ingrain within this poison.

Anyways thank you for letting me rant on your thread.