sanleeb

Hi my name is Brandon. I'm 22 years old and I'm very dependent. My dad has been an alcoholic mainly my whole life, till the point he had cirrhosis of the liver. Moving pass that, he got a liver transplant after being 3 years sober. Wasn't drinking at all when he got the transplant then after a few months to a year I believe, he started drinking again. The person I'm venting about is my mom. She said to me it's my fault that he's drinking again.
The story behind that is, I was going to school in college. I was in a nursing program. I was having doubts this semester and I wanted to drop the class because I already failed once and if I fail again I'm kicked out of the program and then I can't go to the school that I really want to attend that also has a nursing program, I have been warning my mom for a while about that I want to drop from the program because it's so disorganized and it's crap and that I want to go to the other school (the other school is way better and I have proof of that.) My mom didn't want me to drop so I told her I'll stay for you but I'm gonna drop it if it's to much. My mom bought tickets to go to Puerto Rico. But my dad had to stay to take me to school. I don't drive by the way, so I felt bad that he couldn't go. Eventually I dropped the class and I told my mom about it.
She said If she would of known sooner, me and my dad could of gone to the trip. (I tried telling her many times even before the school semester started but she didn't want to listen about it). Any way once my brother and my mom left to Puerto Rico my dad started drinking more and on the day my mom and brother came back from their trip my dad got mad drunk and beaten up from a bar fight. Ever since that day which has been about a month, he has this habit of drinking then stopping then drinking and so on etc.
Me and my mom spoke to my dad again about he needs to stop. Also my mom bought a plane ticket for he can go to Puerto Rico on July 13th. I told her she should cancel it if he's going to continue drinking. Then she said it's my fault that he's drinking because he could of gone with them to Puerto Rico but he had to stay to take you to school but you decide to drop it. That really pissed me off. As I'm writing this it makes me sad. It's not my fault that he's drinking again. Also I don't know if this is true but I read that some people who are dealing with an addict tend to blame others for their actions. Which this is what it looks like.
(My mom just walked in as I'm typing this to say goodnight and I told her that her comment upset me. She said, "Really, it's not that serious". And walked away. I just need someone to talk to. Eventually I need to see a psychologist to talk about me and everything. That should help but I want to be independent when I decide to go see one. I'm also working on getting my drivers license. I'm taking the test next week.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR Brandon. I can tell you with 100% certainty that your father ‘s drinking is his own choice. And it’s also very common for alcoholics to blame others for their own problems. I’m sure that your situation was stressful to him, but him drinking over it is a choice made by him. That doesn’t excuse you from your responsibilities of course, but it’s not the cause of his drinking...he drinks because he’s an alcoholic.

Gottalife

Hey Brandon,

Your father has an illness, alcoholism. That's why he drinks. It is not your fault, nor can you do much about it. People get illnesses all the time. Probably the wrong choice your father made had to do with the treatment of his alcholism, i.e., he didn't do what he needed to do to stay sober. Nothing you could have done about that either.

You may get some useful advice on the friends and family forum, or perhaps make contact with Alanon, an organisation for friends and family of alcoholics.

fini

hi Brandon.
not your fault, no matter who says so.

glad to hear you are working on getting more independence.

welcome to you.

Berrybean

Some great advice above.

I'd also recommend looking up ACOA (adult children of alcoholics). Their handbook is very helpful.

BB

Yixi

Good morning and welcome Sanleeb. Speaking as a recovering alcoholic I cannot re-iterate this strongly enough - it is completely and utterly NOT YOUR FAULT. Your father has a progressive disease. End of it. He's making his own choice to drink. I'm sure that your mother is hurting right now but taking this out on you is not helpful. There are many groups and threads on SR offering support to close ones of people who have a problem with alcohol - you're not alone, please stay near to us so that you can receive support to help you through this. Much love Yix x

Drole

I blamed my brother my wife my daughter work ect for my drinking. None of it was true but it did justify why in my drunken brain why I was drinking. I chose to drink to deal with life instead of facing it. Definitely not your fault.

FreeOwl

I’m currently in the process of being blamed by my sister for her alcoholism.

It’s not your fault.

iwilltryagain

Sanleeb - Let's be clear and as most of them have said. It's NOT your fault that your father is drinking. He is responsible for his actions and consequences. Don't blame or beat yourself up. I think you should focus on your career and your life, what you want to do if you drop out ? these are the things what will matter to you the most. Focus on these things...