Mummyto2

Those of you with long time sobriety need to be careful with your comments sometimes to the people who are new or a little time sober, you were there once remember, it's a lonely fragile time, sure have your opinion and advice, but Remember a fly away comment could be the difference between drinking and staying sober, it's not meant horribly just my observation, have a good day everyone

Bubovski

I agree; we need to be careful what we say to people who may be very fragile emotionally. Re your 17 days keep up the good work.

Mummyto2

Thank you

Soberwolf

Well done on day 17

Mummyto2

Thank you

Dee74

Just like to remind folks that if you think a post is against the rules you can report it...click the triangle on the offending post:


if you think it might be too harsh but you're not sure, you can always PM Anna or me.

If there's a poster who really annoys you you have the option of using the ignore function on posts by that user.

Dee
Moderator
SR

Nonsensical

Excellent point, Mummy!

On the other side of that flapjack, newbies should also be aware their emotions are going to be raw in early sobriety. They can be quick to misinterpret someone's comments. I've seen more than a few newbies even have a go at Dee74 over something he wrote, and he is never trying to be hurtful as far as I can tell.



If you read something that upsets you, take a few breaths and consider the author was probably trying to be helpful. We don't get too many posters here who are trying to be unhelpful.

August252015

Great job on 17 days and a good reminder about comments. IME....my skin was pretty thin when I first got sober and I really had to try and then keep reminding myself that things like self-pity, "disagreement," ego, victimhood....were MY issues. And...ultimately it was going to be my choice whether I drank or not- drinking "at" or "because" of anything or anyone else just...wasn't the reason.

Keep going and keep sharing. Take care.

Rar

17 days is superb Mummy! Great job!

tomsteve

the majority of us with long term sobriety didnt forget early recovery,mummy. one thing that was very detrimental to my recovery is people telling me like it was- whether or not i agreed with them. it wouldnt have been fair for them to make sure they worded what they wanted to say so i wasnt offended or hurt.
if something i was told buggered me up, there was truth to it.
i am very greatful for those people telling me like it was. i had many years of people sugar coating and babying me and it didnt do anything to help me get sober.

there was absolutely no comment that would cause me to drink unless i allowed it. it would be a great excuse, but it wouldnt have been a comment that did it- it would have been my choice to drink.and if i adrank over a comment someone said or typed? i would have had some deeper issues to address.
as if i didnt have enough already!

yup, early recovery can be a sensitive time for us, but that doesnt mean the world should do as we say and treat us as we think. we have to allow people to be themselves just as people allow us to be ourselves.
something that may help ya is looking at why a comment bothered you so much,mummy.

entropy1964

I hear you Mummy.

I can only share my personal experience. The posts that I learn the most from are often the ones I 'like' the least. The tough stuff.

I really do feel this forum is extremely well moderated. I also think there are a compliment of different styles of posters. The greeters, the cheerleaders, the hand holders, the diplomats, and few tougher folks. Personally I think that is perfect.

I look at the internet as a place to practice new ways of coping. If someone says something I don't like, its my opportunity to practice tolerance. To listen. To be open minded. To maybe learn something. If I can't do that here, where I can literally turn off the computer and walk away, I am not likely to stay sober when slightly offended in face to face life. That is just me.

biminiblue

I like tomsteve's post.

I think the benefit of this forum is like Fricka said - it's well moderated.

When I have an issue I talk to trusted people in my life. I don't generally post about my private issues before I've worked through them - because I know in any situation I will get "advice" that's all over the map and I don't usually want to hear it. I totally and completely 100% trust my own instincts and my Higher Power/higher self to give me the right actions.

I did find in early sobriety that I was raw and emotional. It got better, though. Some of the comments I got here and at meetings were way off-base and I knew it. Some people really should just not say every single thing they are thinking, but I do have the choice always whether I want to take it on board or not.

None of us are always a bastion of mental health. All of us are capable of putting our mouths in motion before our brains are engaged. Forgive and move on, I say.

"Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another."
~Colossians 3:12

Do I fall short of that? Absolutely. We all do. I think that's why "forgive one another" is near the end of that: it's the solution.

ScottFromWI

I think it's also very important for those early on in sobriety to know that picking up a drink ( or not ) is a choice that only they are empowered to make. While some comments may not be to our liking ( whether we have 5 hours or 5 years of sobriety ), the difference between drinking or not is purely a conscious decision only we can make. And that even on day 1 - we ( all of us ) DO have the power to chose sobriety.

aasharon90

Im pretty sure, many a folks have had
to walk on egg shells around me because
of my selfishness, sensitiveness, self-centeredness,
before, during and after alcohol thru out
my life.

I had to learn that I may not have liked
or loved the way folks talked to me or
what they said to me, and remind myself
that maybe, just maybe I needed to hear
their comments or remarks to learn,
grow and mature on.

Sure they have gotten under my skin,
ruffled my feathers and yes I coped a
many a resentments that did make me
drink and stay in my addiction for yrs.

However, once I entered recovery and
applied a program of recovery as a guideline,
I have avoided harboring resentments or
comments that could or would return me to my
addiction disease.

To thy own self be true and responsible
in life and recovery.

Mummyto2

Thank you, I do take in all what everyone has said, I don't mean to say wrap us newbies in cotton wool at all, tell it straight some of us need to hear it and yes it's up to us whether we pick up, I am just saying when someone is just not nice for whatever reason, sometimes wording things a little different would be better, Dee I wondered what that triangle was thanks

entropy1964

I also try to remember Mummy that this is a forum, that by its nature, will attract people that are having serious 'issues'. There are also people that come on forums simply to slap others around. I know, crazy, but its a thing. People aren't always what they say they are...imagine that

And hurt people hurt people. That's been my experience. And I'm sad to say I have been that person....hurting so much that I lash out at others. Ugh. I can also be a know it all....oh really Frick, we hadn't noticed. haha. It's something I have to watch. Its one of the reasons I try to post my own experience. I don't always succeed. But when I have to share my personal experience with something it forces me to be honest with me. And I make mistakes all the time

Mummyto2

Thanks Frick

Hevyn

Congratulations on your 17 days, Mummy. I'm so happy for you.

Mummyto2

Thanks Hevyn

lessgravity

I too, looking back, learned the most from comments that upset me at the time. Looking into why and seeing the reasons had more to do with myself has been an important part of my sobriety here on SR.