Is His Pain Real?
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 29
Is His Pain Real?
My husband has been sober for 6 months. He was in pain medication for “chronic back pain” for 2 years and finally got off of it in January.
He is doing okay, i mean emotionally he’s a little depressed, but other than that, he’s engaging with the kids and me.
However, one thing that really still quietly frustrates me is the constant complain about being in pain and why he needs to “take it easy and rest” ⅓ of the time with us. He would put a kids show on and watch movies with the kids. His energy level is 2/10 . Most of the times, i tell him to turn the tv off, and take the kids out or play with the kids. He gets up and does it but then sighs and walks really really slow. But then as soon as he gets into what he does, or when I’m out of sight (when i leave the house, my mom is at home keeping an eye at him), he does so much better. (I know my presence may enable him).
He is doing well in general, and is still able to do the things but just complains about being in pain a lot. I don’t even know if he’s really in pain, or if he’s just used to say it that it just comes out of his mouth naturally.
I wonder if anybody notices this with their recovering/ addicted spouse? If so, how do you deal with it?
He is doing okay, i mean emotionally he’s a little depressed, but other than that, he’s engaging with the kids and me.
However, one thing that really still quietly frustrates me is the constant complain about being in pain and why he needs to “take it easy and rest” ⅓ of the time with us. He would put a kids show on and watch movies with the kids. His energy level is 2/10 . Most of the times, i tell him to turn the tv off, and take the kids out or play with the kids. He gets up and does it but then sighs and walks really really slow. But then as soon as he gets into what he does, or when I’m out of sight (when i leave the house, my mom is at home keeping an eye at him), he does so much better. (I know my presence may enable him).
He is doing well in general, and is still able to do the things but just complains about being in pain a lot. I don’t even know if he’s really in pain, or if he’s just used to say it that it just comes out of his mouth naturally.
I wonder if anybody notices this with their recovering/ addicted spouse? If so, how do you deal with it?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
He can get checked by his doctor to find the cause of his pain and perhaps fix it...or use non-addictive pain medication to help with it.
My husband (not an addict) had serious long surgeries twice and each time was told to take a morphine based pain pill. He took it the first time for a week, didn't like how it made his mind go funny so switched to extra strength Tylanol and it did the trick just fine. He uses it still for pain and it is all that is needed.
He should tell his doctor he is/was addicted to pain killers and insist on something non-narcotic.
If his pain is real, this will help. And it very well may be quite real.
Good luck.
My husband (not an addict) had serious long surgeries twice and each time was told to take a morphine based pain pill. He took it the first time for a week, didn't like how it made his mind go funny so switched to extra strength Tylanol and it did the trick just fine. He uses it still for pain and it is all that is needed.
He should tell his doctor he is/was addicted to pain killers and insist on something non-narcotic.
If his pain is real, this will help. And it very well may be quite real.
Good luck.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I just realized my post was about what "he" could do...but your request was about what "you" should do...so sorry.
You could encourage the above, then step back and let him decide for himself.
Something many of us, certainly me, tend to do is to "hover", to check how they are doing, feeling, thinking, and that alone can drive them crazy.
I had to learn to take a giant step back and let my son figure things out for himself. That still applies to my relationships today. It is not up to me to find the solutions to anyone's problems. I help when I can , encourage when asked or needed, and mostly back off before I start trying to run the world again. I am simply to old for the job today.
You could encourage the above, then step back and let him decide for himself.
Something many of us, certainly me, tend to do is to "hover", to check how they are doing, feeling, thinking, and that alone can drive them crazy.
I had to learn to take a giant step back and let my son figure things out for himself. That still applies to my relationships today. It is not up to me to find the solutions to anyone's problems. I help when I can , encourage when asked or needed, and mostly back off before I start trying to run the world again. I am simply to old for the job today.
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