AwkwardKitty

Been thinking about the reasons I drink, and how they are all falsehoods / lies I tell myself, like...

I drink because it makes me more sociable / confident
BUT
I normally drink on my own these days, and when I did drink in a social situation more, I would normally end up being overconfident or even arrogant, leading to behaviour I regret

I drink because it helps me to deal with my mental health / hide from tough things for a while
BUT
Alcohol increases my OCD symptoms and feeds them. Drinking causes me to sink into depression.

I drink to pass the time / relieve boredom
BUT
Alcohol takes away time, it takes whole days away (with hangovers) where I could be doing things I need or want to do. Being drunk means I am incapable of doing the things I like to do. Being hungover is in itself very boring, so drinking really increases my boredom!

I drink to reward myself because I don't have anything else for myself
BUT
The whole time I am drinking I am wishing I wasn't, I don't enjoy it, so it's not a reward as much as a compulsion to drink. There's nothing enjoyable in it to me, I don't even really enjoy the taste (I convince myself I do, but I don't really).

Feel free to share your own 'reasons'

Forward12

The key thing missing is "Because I'm an alcoholic"

AwkwardKitty

Yes exactly, that isn't a falsehood or a lie, and isn't one of my 'reasons' that I tell myself, or rather the AV tells me why I need to / want to have a drink. But underlying all those reasons, yes, that is the only one.