Trying for a sober birthday and a sober life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Trying for a sober birthday and a sober life
Hi everyone. I signed up and joined the class of May this week (this was a big step for me). I’ve been lurking in the background on and off since last year. I’ve had many day 1’s in the last couple of months. Before that I was drinking daily. Lots. I tried to stop a year ago and made 18 days which is my longest in more than 30 years of drinking.
I’m now on day 11, longest sober since my attempt a year ago. I’ve finally admitted I have a problem and I HAVE to stop drinking altogether (deep down I’ve known this for years but been in denial). I’m really worried about this weekend and being able to stay sober at my 50th birthday. I’ve been drinking since I was a teenager, knocking back a bottle of wine or more every night and 2 or more each day/night on weekends. Sometimes lately I’d start with wine for breakfast on weekends. Those days could turn into 3 bottles. I convinced myself it was normal and got really good at hiding bottles.... I even had a couple of bottles stashed in my car for “emergencies” or a sneaky lunchtime drink at work, or a drink on the way home (yes I even convinced myself it was ok to drink and drive every day because I was only having a little bit... although to my shame a couple of times I noticed I’d knocked back half a bottle of wine on my way home! (I have a 1 hour commute). How I ever thought it was “normal” and that I didn’t have a problem is beyond me. Even writing this is extremely embarrassing and horrifying! I feel so utterly ashamed of myself. God only knows what my liver looks like and it’s a miracle I haven’t lost my license for drink driving.
Throughout it all I finished school (I was drinking to get drunk at 15), went to university, got a degree, got a doctorate, became a university Professor, got married, bought a nice house in the suburbs etc (we have no children, if I’m being totally honest it’s because they would have interfered with my drinking). I used to exercise regularl but that has fallen by the wayside, always too hungover so I’d drink after work instead of going to the gym on the way home. On the surface I have been leading a “normal” and actually pretty darn good life to external appearances. The AV kept telling me I didn’t really have a problem, that I could drink socially like everyone else. But more and more I’ve been ending up hungover every single day, feeling dreadful, despondent, anxious, depressed and guilty about everything. Taking tylenol or anything else I could get my hands on to feel halfway normal and less like a zombie with a ton of bricks on my head, to function through the work day until I could have a drink to “feel better”.
I joined SR for support in the hope that I might be able to ignore the voice telling me to have a drink. I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to get through my birthday. I didn’t want a party as I really want to stay sober, but I found out by a friend’s slip of the tongue that my family has planned a “surprise” birthday party at my house and I know it will involve lots of alcohol. My plan is to drink soda and if the AV gets loud I’ll go to the bathroom and check in to SR and read and post. If I really can’t cope I’ll plead a migraine and go to bed.... I hope I can do it but I’m scared I’ll cave in...
I’m now on day 11, longest sober since my attempt a year ago. I’ve finally admitted I have a problem and I HAVE to stop drinking altogether (deep down I’ve known this for years but been in denial). I’m really worried about this weekend and being able to stay sober at my 50th birthday. I’ve been drinking since I was a teenager, knocking back a bottle of wine or more every night and 2 or more each day/night on weekends. Sometimes lately I’d start with wine for breakfast on weekends. Those days could turn into 3 bottles. I convinced myself it was normal and got really good at hiding bottles.... I even had a couple of bottles stashed in my car for “emergencies” or a sneaky lunchtime drink at work, or a drink on the way home (yes I even convinced myself it was ok to drink and drive every day because I was only having a little bit... although to my shame a couple of times I noticed I’d knocked back half a bottle of wine on my way home! (I have a 1 hour commute). How I ever thought it was “normal” and that I didn’t have a problem is beyond me. Even writing this is extremely embarrassing and horrifying! I feel so utterly ashamed of myself. God only knows what my liver looks like and it’s a miracle I haven’t lost my license for drink driving.
Throughout it all I finished school (I was drinking to get drunk at 15), went to university, got a degree, got a doctorate, became a university Professor, got married, bought a nice house in the suburbs etc (we have no children, if I’m being totally honest it’s because they would have interfered with my drinking). I used to exercise regularl but that has fallen by the wayside, always too hungover so I’d drink after work instead of going to the gym on the way home. On the surface I have been leading a “normal” and actually pretty darn good life to external appearances. The AV kept telling me I didn’t really have a problem, that I could drink socially like everyone else. But more and more I’ve been ending up hungover every single day, feeling dreadful, despondent, anxious, depressed and guilty about everything. Taking tylenol or anything else I could get my hands on to feel halfway normal and less like a zombie with a ton of bricks on my head, to function through the work day until I could have a drink to “feel better”.
I joined SR for support in the hope that I might be able to ignore the voice telling me to have a drink. I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to get through my birthday. I didn’t want a party as I really want to stay sober, but I found out by a friend’s slip of the tongue that my family has planned a “surprise” birthday party at my house and I know it will involve lots of alcohol. My plan is to drink soda and if the AV gets loud I’ll go to the bathroom and check in to SR and read and post. If I really can’t cope I’ll plead a migraine and go to bed.... I hope I can do it but I’m scared I’ll cave in...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Congrats on 11 days sober! 
As far as your party goes, make it clear from the start that you're not drinking. Since it's your birthday, you can't really get out of going, just make it plain that you're not drinking. You can do this! 
As far as your party goes, make it clear from the start that you're not drinking. Since it's your birthday, you can't really get out of going, just make it plain that you're not drinking. You can do this! 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
My best birthdays have all been sober ones
I guess its hard not to do anything for your birthday, especially if others have made plans for you - but it is possible to stay sober.
There are some great tips here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
The bottom line is - its your birthday - do what you want.
The other thing to remember is - its the first drink that restarts the madness , not the last.
Don't take that first drink - make your 50th special
D
I guess its hard not to do anything for your birthday, especially if others have made plans for you - but it is possible to stay sober.
There are some great tips here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...val-guide.html (Social Occasion Survival Guide)
The bottom line is - its your birthday - do what you want.
The other thing to remember is - its the first drink that restarts the madness , not the last.
Don't take that first drink - make your 50th special
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thank you everyone for the support. Yes, it’s MY birthday and I really want to stay sober. I haven’t had a sober birthday in 35 years! (I’ve been sourcing alcohol and drinking underage since I was 15). I’ve told my husband and family I don’t want to drink on my birthday. They reluctantly agreed it’s up to me. My husband is more supportive than my family but he still likes a drink (not as much as me though...) Now I need to tell my friends, most of who drink heavily. If I can make it through this I really need to find some sober friends....
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 104
Hi willow68,
Congratulations on the big 5-0! We are almost twins. I will also be celebrating my first sober birthday in over 30 years this weekend. I will be turning 48.
Our drinking histories are almost identical. I started drinking at 17, drinking to get drunk as you said. I had my last drink almost 7 months ago. Wine was my main downfall, mixed in with cocktails. Over the last few years, drinking hour kept creeping up. Never lost a job, managed to keep up appearances. I was also in denial for a very long time.
I never had birthday parties growing up, so as an adult, I always celebrated them with close friends. Over the years, our birthdays became more elaborate, more over the top. Always copious amounts of drinking. Doesn't matter what we are doing as long as there is plenty of alcohol.
This year, I stopped and asked myself what it is that I really want. What would be meaningful to me. Where would I be happy. So I will spending this birthday in a tiny cabin in the mountains. Alone. No internet access. Hiking, reading, yogaing and sleeping. Maybe make friends with a deer or two. It will be near full moon and the night sky should be spectacular.
I think it is wonderful that you have people who love and care about you so much that they organized this party for you. Being sober and present for it all would be such a great gift to give to yourself and them.
Being at the "midpoint" of life affords us the opportunity to take stock, focus on what's most important and decide how we want the rest of our lives to be. Keep the things that add joy to our lives, leave the rest. We already tried finding what we needed in a bottle. It wasn't there. It is time for us to move on.
I will be right there beside you in spirit this weekend. Sending you lots of support and encouragement. I am nervous too. We can do this. I know that we won't miss the hangovers, regrets and depression.
Let's do this, willow68.
And Happy (Early) Birthday!!!
Congratulations on the big 5-0! We are almost twins. I will also be celebrating my first sober birthday in over 30 years this weekend. I will be turning 48.
Our drinking histories are almost identical. I started drinking at 17, drinking to get drunk as you said. I had my last drink almost 7 months ago. Wine was my main downfall, mixed in with cocktails. Over the last few years, drinking hour kept creeping up. Never lost a job, managed to keep up appearances. I was also in denial for a very long time.
I never had birthday parties growing up, so as an adult, I always celebrated them with close friends. Over the years, our birthdays became more elaborate, more over the top. Always copious amounts of drinking. Doesn't matter what we are doing as long as there is plenty of alcohol.
This year, I stopped and asked myself what it is that I really want. What would be meaningful to me. Where would I be happy. So I will spending this birthday in a tiny cabin in the mountains. Alone. No internet access. Hiking, reading, yogaing and sleeping. Maybe make friends with a deer or two. It will be near full moon and the night sky should be spectacular.
I think it is wonderful that you have people who love and care about you so much that they organized this party for you. Being sober and present for it all would be such a great gift to give to yourself and them.
Being at the "midpoint" of life affords us the opportunity to take stock, focus on what's most important and decide how we want the rest of our lives to be. Keep the things that add joy to our lives, leave the rest. We already tried finding what we needed in a bottle. It wasn't there. It is time for us to move on.
I will be right there beside you in spirit this weekend. Sending you lots of support and encouragement. I am nervous too. We can do this. I know that we won't miss the hangovers, regrets and depression.
Let's do this, willow68.
And Happy (Early) Birthday!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 374
Welcome ...your story is so much like mine ..totally ..I used to think I was the only one ..well done on 11 days that's super
Funny I'm 50 in November and I'm actually looking forward to it ..sober
I'm 5 months sober and it really does get better ..
Well done again you've done BRILLIANT
Keep going one day at a time
If you think you can't enjoy the celebrations sober you will enjoy them even less drunk
(My good friends advice)
Sober is the new black !!!
Keep posting xx
Big hugs
Cara
Funny I'm 50 in November and I'm actually looking forward to it ..sober
I'm 5 months sober and it really does get better ..
Well done again you've done BRILLIANT
Keep going one day at a time
If you think you can't enjoy the celebrations sober you will enjoy them even less drunk
(My good friends advice)
Sober is the new black !!!
Keep posting xx
Big hugs
Cara
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
My thoughts are with you Willow. 53 years old. Two months sober after 30+ years of drinking. I’ve decided that I want the next chapters of my story to be vastly different. I want to be truly happy. Consider your 50th birthday party as the “official” start of your new life, and advertise it as such. I can’t imagine that your friends and family will be anything but supportive of you. Your SR family certainly will be! Happy to have another 50-something in the fold. We have many experiences to share. And much life left to live.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thank you all so much
Yes Least, “NO” is a complete sentence! 😂 I’ll be practicing lots of saying No this weekend.
And I agree Vinificent, I want to wake up and celebrate no hangover. Every day....
Thank you wiseheart for your beautiful words. Nearly 7 months is fantastic! And happy birthday for the weekend. I’ll think of you and wish you well on that beautiful nearly full moon. The cabin in the woods sounds truly wonderful! What a blissful way to spend your birthday. Good on you! I might have to look at something like for myself next year....
Cara, I love that, “Sober is the new black” 😊 well done on 5 months, that’s great!
Thanks for the words of support everyone, you guys really make me feel like I’m not doing this alone. Like you Cara I thought I was the only one, what a lonely road, it’s so comforting to know there are people that understand and share the same struggles. I am so grateful to you all x
And I agree Vinificent, I want to wake up and celebrate no hangover. Every day....
Thank you wiseheart for your beautiful words. Nearly 7 months is fantastic! And happy birthday for the weekend. I’ll think of you and wish you well on that beautiful nearly full moon. The cabin in the woods sounds truly wonderful! What a blissful way to spend your birthday. Good on you! I might have to look at something like for myself next year....
Cara, I love that, “Sober is the new black” 😊 well done on 5 months, that’s great!
Thanks for the words of support everyone, you guys really make me feel like I’m not doing this alone. Like you Cara I thought I was the only one, what a lonely road, it’s so comforting to know there are people that understand and share the same struggles. I am so grateful to you all x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks clearpath and wicsober, it’s so awesome to have such support here, it makes a huge difference. I’ve always tried to do it on my own before and it hasn’t worked... this time it’s going to be different. I’m going to take my life back and live it how I want to, with energy and vitality and enthusiasm... and definitely sober
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Happy early birthday Willow and congratulations on now 12 days of sobriety. Being sober on your milestone birthday will be the best gift you could receive. It will be tough and your AV will probably be hounding you mercilessly. You can absolutely get through this. You want your milestone birthday to be as significant as it really is. Starting with a Day 1 will make you feel absolutely HORRIBLE! I know - I had to reset my clock after many days. Stay close to us. As you said, retreat to the bathroom if it gets tough. Post first!
formerly luvSOBERlife
Join Date: May 2018
Location: East Tennessee USA
Posts: 116
You got this Willow!
Maybe you can start a Willow's birthday party support thread the morning of the big day and use it as a support tool throughout the day. We're all going to be thinking about you anyway and we're going to worry if we don't hear much from you. It might be cool to post every so often on how you're doing and, in turn, get messages of support throughout the day from us.
If you end up locking yourself away, you'll know exactly where to look for support. It will be like having some of us near by you all day to communicate with. We are definitely stronger together.
Just a thought.
Maybe you can start a Willow's birthday party support thread the morning of the big day and use it as a support tool throughout the day. We're all going to be thinking about you anyway and we're going to worry if we don't hear much from you. It might be cool to post every so often on how you're doing and, in turn, get messages of support throughout the day from us.
If you end up locking yourself away, you'll know exactly where to look for support. It will be like having some of us near by you all day to communicate with. We are definitely stronger together.
Just a thought.
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