comtnman740

I have this buddy in the program that lately has been driving me a little bonkers. We met last February when we both got sober. Our sobriety dates were very close. His was Feb 12th and mine was Feb 13th..well until he relapsed last November. I know that some our sicker than others but seriously he has been driving me nuts. He acts a little codependent with me, acts neurotic at times and interrupts and talks over me constantly. Honestly, I’ve been putting up with his attitude for awhile now but just decided that I needed a break. Has anyone does this before? I honestly have felt bad but I need to preserve my sobriety and sanity. I’d like to help others but I know that if I lose MY sobriety that I’m no use to anyone else.
Garrison

biminiblue

Yeah, you're having quite a few crises that point to codependency yourself.

Detach with love.

I have people I like to spend time with and people I tolerate. Then there are some I have to detach completely and stop talking to them. If this needy guy is in need of kind words, that's one thing - but if he is acting in ways that threaten your sobriety, then yeah. Maybe time for limited time together or stopping it completely.

I am of the mindset that I discuss why I am having a problem with a person. With that person.

I give reasons why it is not working for me. I don't tell them they drive me crazy - I'm already crazy - I just tell them I have a lot on my plate right now and I am of little use to them when I get overwhelmed. "It's really hard for me to be around you when you are like this. Can we get together some other time when you're feeling better?"

MantaLady

From your posts Garrison sounds like you are feeling the need for a bit of a "people" spring clean. Maybe lessen your contact with some of the people in your life that are bringing you stress until you have had your roadtrip. If you feel the same way about things on your return then I think you will know what you need to do. There is a lot of change going on in your life at the moment, you need to put yourself and your sobriety first and foremost. Not sure I am being very helpful here but keep strong, you've come so far x

comtnman740

I’ve never heard that phrase “people spring clean”. I like it! Honestly all these people that I’m talking about are decent people. It’s just that they’ve all been kind of annoying me in their own way. They’re not acting how I want them to act damn it! Lol It also may boil down to expectations of certain people in my life. I know that my expectations are inversely proportional to my serenity. When I have high expectations of people, places, things or even events then my serenity is going to be low and vice versa.
I have this recurring expectation that my buddy Rich will return my call or text within a couple of weeks. I know he’s going through a lot right now in that he doesn’t have a place to live and battles ADHD but he repeatedly blows off my texts and phone calls. I busted my ass to help him move out of his place and I think it’s my pride that is hurt when he doesn’t call or text back. I told his friend Grace how pissed off I was about how he was acting and he immediately texted me back. I appreciated the effort but c’mon why can’t you do this on a regular basis? I think he’s going through some health issues? Why does this bother me so much? Anyway, as I write this I think I realize how much I need a “people spring clean”. Great idea!