Gaborn

Hey everyone,

Hope you're all doing well. I'm not.

I really just don't know what to do. I managed to quit drugs over a year ago but I just can't stop drinking. I drink everyday and I drink a lot. I can't stop at just one or two I have to get drunk or it's not worth it to me.

I don't get hangovers which is a shame I'm sure that'd at least give me the tiniest bit of motivation to quit. But I do blackout sometimes and I say or do things that when I get told about them I can barely believe.

Right now I'm sitting at my local park. Drinking. I don't even know why. I went to an AA meeting a little while ago and none of their stories meant anything to me. Most of them had lost jobs or hurt people because of alcohol but the only thing I've ever done really is be mean to people after too many drinks.

The few friends I've managed to keep seem to just accept sometimes ill be an ******* and they don't even mention it to me when it happens. But making any new friends or having a relationship is just impossible for me.

I really want to stop drinking. Or more accurately I want to stop feeling like I HAVE to drink and if I drink I HAVE to get drunk. It'd be nice to be able to be with people and just have a drink or two and a good time.

Anyway. I have no idea if this will help or not but I just wanted to post.

Take care.

Gaborn

I realise I didn't really say anything about myself so here we go.

I'm 32. I was made redundant after 10 years at my last company. I like video games and anime and all sorts of animals. Hell I have a video on YouTube with one of my pets trying to steal my beer lol. I used to be very into sports I played rugby for 10 years. I lived alone from the age of about 24 to 30. I haven't worked for the last 2 years now mostly because I just didn't really want to do anything other than drink and play games and have random sex I guess.

I am really missing the whole social aspect of life now. I don't want to go places or do things because it means I won't be able to drink while doing it. I'm getting a bit fat now too which I don't like at all but I can't seem to do anything physical other than the walk to the closest place I can buy alcohol.

I broke off my last relationship because she said she doesn't care how much I drink or what I do when I drink etc and I didn't think it was fair to stay with her in my current state. Like I said to her I can't possibly be a father with the way I live my life.

I guess I'm just venting lol. Apologies.

Take care.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Gaborn

SR changed things for me - it was great to be amongst people who knew about what I was going through and had suggestions on how to change.

sound like you're ready for a change too.

sure it would be nice - but I never drank that way - I always drink to get wasted and admitting that was my first step in letting drinking go as viable option for me.

D

FreeOwl

Welcome!

It’s a process... I remember being at the stage of the process it sounds like you are.

When I was saying some of the things you’re saying.... it simply had yet to get ‘bad enough’ for me.....

Yet.

I invite you to accelerate your progress not by waiting for it to get ‘bad enough’ - but instead by CHOICE.

We can choose to embrace sobriety and build a life of joy and presence and goodness. When it got bad enough for me, I finally began forcing myself not to simply ‘have to quit’ - but instead to CHOOSE to be sober and to build another kind of life through ACTION.

It was work, but it worked miracles.

I’m glad you’re here.

You need not sufffer any more.

Knowing where I was when I was sharing many of the same things you are now.... I’ll venture a guess there are still plenty of things you’re not yet sharing. I’ll venture a guess that things are already ‘bad enough’ if you’re fully honest with yourself. I’ll even go as far as to guess that you might already know inside that what you really, truly WANT is to be free, happy, relieved of the burdens of addiction..... that you really WANT sobriety.

To that part of you I say with all I’ve got;

CHOOSE IT.

ACT ON IT.

YOU CAN.

VigilanceNow

Hey Gaborn! Glad to see your post. I know exactly how you feel... I want to be “normal” and be able to drink like a “normal” person would, but I simply can’t. The few times I was able to have just one or two were so few and far between that the probability of me being able to control myself is essential nil. Perhaps try thinking of it as a deadly allergy?

Also, I’ve spoken about this at length in AA meetings as well as rehab, and it seems that the longer you stick with a program of sobriety, the more the desire to drink “normally” fades. It is likely to be a lifetime battle for you as it is for me, but it’s not impossible. We are powerless over alcohol; I have ceased asking myself why I would drink. I drank because I’m an alcoholic, simple as that. I didn’t need an excuse to drink after a while. I drank because that’s just what I did, and one drink leads to entire days lost. No way to live!

tomsteve

welp, ya already have something in common with them people- ya hurt people by being mean when drunk.
there is probably a LOT more you could relate to, but one meeting isnt going to really show it. we arent all the same in AA-we come from different backgrounds with different stories having sank to different depths of alcoholism.
if ya remove the drinking and look at the underlying issues alcohol is just a symptom of ya may relate a LOT.
maybe read the big book of AA? you just might find yourself mentioned in there.
heres the prelude to the second set of stories in the big book:


They Stopped In Time
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.

Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.

Why do men and women like these join A.A.?

The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.

Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.

Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."

Hawkeye13

People who drink like you describe can't moderate.
As you say, you just keep going until drunk.
That's how I am too.

You say you really want to quit, and you certainly can and be happier for it.
However, I don't see much fire in that post towards quitting.
I get that--I wanted to be able to have a few but knew it was destroying my life and ambitions.

Are you ready to do the hard work of not just quitting but recovery?
Rebuilding your life outside of drinking, gaming, and random sex?
Start making a plan and we will support you.

Tc4ever

Yes you can quit. I did and my drinking career was long and sometimes hard. Like lest always says "You have to not want drink more than you want to drink" and that makes since to me. It's probably is not going to be easy, but the support you have hear is so great and always here.
Peace
TC

Chase01

Hey Gaborn.

I can completely relate to the "I am not that bad" mentality. I have never lost a job, crashed a car, gotten a DUI, etc. because of drink. I have sat in AA and thought I don't belong here. The difference is, I listened to those stories as tales of things to come. Just like you describe, the only reason I drank was to get drunk. No matter how long I was sober, as soon as that first drink hit my lips it was over. I have lived on both sides of the fence. Life without alcohol is the only life for me. That is a decision you have to make for yourself. You will find nothing but support and love here.

SnazzyDresser

Just because you haven't found a way to stop yet, it doesn't mean you can't. The way to sobriety is out there for you if you want it, you just have to commit fully. Keep looking and trying til you find it.

Changita31

Thanks for sharing. Approaching 12 hours without the spirits coursing my veins. I ended up in the ER. I went on a 10-day bender. And I just couldn't stop. Nearly destroyed my relationship. He helped me get the medical attention I so desperately needed. I want this to end. I want my life back. I miss feeling joy and love.