STOP sticking your head in the LIONS MOUTH !!!...
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STOP sticking your head in the LIONS MOUTH !!!...
...and get serious about your sobriety and recovery ! This is what I have been telling myself for the last 7 YEARS. I have been a raging alcoholic for the past 20 years and a chronic, repeat, relapser. I stopped counting at 30 something a few years ago. I must be above 50 now. I have known, for the last 7 years that I cant go on this way.
So, my point is this. The stopping and starting, stopping and starting, stopping and starting takes something out of me each time. My "resolve" if you will. My determination, will power, esteem and self confidence are all at a life time low for me.
Years ago, When I would wake up with a "Kicker" of a hangover I would stop my drinking. 2 weeks, a month, or my personal best, 5 months but always returned to the grogg (for me it is beer LOTS of beer EVERYDAY) without fail. When I return to the drinking I lose a little piece of myself... my confidence that I can beat this, my fight, my desire to slay the demon, the "beast".
Fast forward to today. Again, I have come to this point and knowing this just cant go on, I'am declaring yet another Day 1 and taking my head out of the lion's mouth ! Will I stick it back in again?...absolutly not.
Yes, I have my plan in place... several in fact. A nutrition and excercise program for starter but will be a big part of my success this time. When I stopped smoking in 2012 I packed on the weight. I'am just a little over 300 #. I cant carry it any longer. I have things I need to do. I have been sedentary for most of the last 10 years. A lot of muscle has wasted away. Not to mention a lot of myself both mentally and physically.
If this is not bad enough there is one more caveat, I'am 65 years old ! ONLY by the grace of GOD am I still here ! I know this. To Him be the Glory !
So, Being as I have been fighting my alcoholic demons lo' these many years, I now find myself fighting the clock. I still have a lot of life to live and alcohol will simply NOT be a part of it.
That's all for now, more later.
DD
So, my point is this. The stopping and starting, stopping and starting, stopping and starting takes something out of me each time. My "resolve" if you will. My determination, will power, esteem and self confidence are all at a life time low for me.
Years ago, When I would wake up with a "Kicker" of a hangover I would stop my drinking. 2 weeks, a month, or my personal best, 5 months but always returned to the grogg (for me it is beer LOTS of beer EVERYDAY) without fail. When I return to the drinking I lose a little piece of myself... my confidence that I can beat this, my fight, my desire to slay the demon, the "beast".
Fast forward to today. Again, I have come to this point and knowing this just cant go on, I'am declaring yet another Day 1 and taking my head out of the lion's mouth ! Will I stick it back in again?...absolutly not.
Yes, I have my plan in place... several in fact. A nutrition and excercise program for starter but will be a big part of my success this time. When I stopped smoking in 2012 I packed on the weight. I'am just a little over 300 #. I cant carry it any longer. I have things I need to do. I have been sedentary for most of the last 10 years. A lot of muscle has wasted away. Not to mention a lot of myself both mentally and physically.
If this is not bad enough there is one more caveat, I'am 65 years old ! ONLY by the grace of GOD am I still here ! I know this. To Him be the Glory !
So, Being as I have been fighting my alcoholic demons lo' these many years, I now find myself fighting the clock. I still have a lot of life to live and alcohol will simply NOT be a part of it.
That's all for now, more later.
DD
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I had an uncle who was a severe alcoholic. In the last 10 years of his life he was sober much more than he was drunk, but his drinking was so severe he would always end up in the hospital or jail. One night he went out and started drinking, he was drinking for about week, came home one night, laid down and died. He was 64. So it does happen. Glad you're giving it another go. Make this one be the one.
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Totally agree with you that a small peice of willpower and determination dies everytime one goes through a stop and start cycle.
It's energy draining to drop drinking just to know you probably will start again, and you think straight away "there is no point, I'll just start again anyway"
As much as I read everything here, the most common path people find success in is to make step's to actually change ones lifestyle.
It's energy draining to drop drinking just to know you probably will start again, and you think straight away "there is no point, I'll just start again anyway"
As much as I read everything here, the most common path people find success in is to make step's to actually change ones lifestyle.
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I agree Renvate ! There is a saying in the AA rooms (Imagine that),
that say's "Nothing changes if nothing changes". I prefer a little twist on it. "Nothing changes until EVERYTHING changes"
I just need to start applying it to myself...which I shall do !
That's all for now...more later.
DD
that say's "Nothing changes if nothing changes". I prefer a little twist on it. "Nothing changes until EVERYTHING changes"
I just need to start applying it to myself...which I shall do !
That's all for now...more later.
DD
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Hello everyone. Cant believe it's Day 2 already ! Feels like I quit drinking just yesterday. 
I'am doing very well thank you. Slept really well last night (quite surprised actually) but just too long. I'am OK with that for now. Walked about 1 mile today. It wasn't easy but doable. I'am ashamed to say the most difficult part was just getting started.
I have 5 beers in the fridge and a brand new handle of premium Vodka in the cabinet. Both will be going down the drain tonight.
I'am very fortunate that I do not suffer physical withdrawals like most people do. My addiction is all in my head but still an addiction to alcohol none the less. I feel quite well at Day 2 and intend to ride this "Pink Cloud" until it dries up and then it will be time to bring out the big guns (more on this later), so to speak, to fight The beasts and demons (known as the AV) that I'am most sure will make a showing in there own time.
I'am quite amazed that yesterday I weighed myself and also today. I was down 4# from yesterday. I'll be making the beach starting tomorrow and doing as much walking as I can and soaking up the sun
both of which will help relieve my depression.
All in all I'am feeling very good mood wise and very upbeat about my sobriety and recovery going forward. Of course I was in the past also. I learned something in every failed attempt and when the time comes to put all of these "TidBits" of information together and draw from the whole of my experiences, I feel sure that will be the "Quit that will Stick" ! I will use every fiber of my being to make this one be the one that sticks.
Thank You for reading
Thats all for now...More later
DD
I'am doing very well thank you. Slept really well last night (quite surprised actually) but just too long. I'am OK with that for now. Walked about 1 mile today. It wasn't easy but doable. I'am ashamed to say the most difficult part was just getting started.
I have 5 beers in the fridge and a brand new handle of premium Vodka in the cabinet. Both will be going down the drain tonight.
I'am very fortunate that I do not suffer physical withdrawals like most people do. My addiction is all in my head but still an addiction to alcohol none the less. I feel quite well at Day 2 and intend to ride this "Pink Cloud" until it dries up and then it will be time to bring out the big guns (more on this later), so to speak, to fight The beasts and demons (known as the AV) that I'am most sure will make a showing in there own time.
I'am quite amazed that yesterday I weighed myself and also today. I was down 4# from yesterday. I'll be making the beach starting tomorrow and doing as much walking as I can and soaking up the sun
both of which will help relieve my depression. All in all I'am feeling very good mood wise and very upbeat about my sobriety and recovery going forward. Of course I was in the past also. I learned something in every failed attempt and when the time comes to put all of these "TidBits" of information together and draw from the whole of my experiences, I feel sure that will be the "Quit that will Stick" ! I will use every fiber of my being to make this one be the one that sticks.
Thank You for reading
Thats all for now...More later
DD
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I've been enjoying this thread, Dave. I like how you're discussing the solution, and not just the problem.
This, though...
Drains work 24/7. Dump it now.
Congrats on Day 2.
This, though...
Originally Posted by DuhDave 
I have 5 beers in the fridge and a brand new handle of premium Vodka in the cabinet. Both will be going down the drain tonight.
Congrats on Day 2.
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Not to fear my friends. I was posting this last night and was just fixing to go to bed. They all got poured down the drain "last night" just before going to bed.
Just a slight mis-communication I suppose.
DD
Just a slight mis-communication I suppose.
DD
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It's going good Dee. I tryed to post a Day 3 report but it seems the server had a malfunction and it got launched into "cybe-space".
This is Day 5 and all is well. I may post more later.
Thank You for asking.
DD
This is Day 5 and all is well. I may post more later.
Thank You for asking.
DD
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Day 5 is on...
...for another hour my local time anyway.
I tryed to post at Day 3 but it seems SR had a server crash and I was never able to post it. Oh well. But...the update for Day's 3, 4 and 5 is as follows.
Day 3, Tuesday, I did go to the beach and enjoyed myself very much. Got some sun to the point of just getting a little pink. I walked about 45 mins and rinsed off in a shower and headed home. I stopped by a favorite seafood restaurant on the way home and got a plate to go. I didnt want to sit there eating my meal and watching the other patrons hoisting there ice cold, frosty glasses of beer so I got my dinner and went down the road a bit to a nice, quiet park with picnic tables and enjoyed my meal there. The view was beautiful !
After that I came on home and had a nice shower and retired early. I was bushed and it felt good !!! I slept very well and awoke to Day 4.
Not a lot to report on Day 4. I worked out in the yard for a while and realized I seem to have a little more strength and stamina. Quite a pleasant surprise !
I managed to walk a mile in 30 mins. I plan to walk as long as I can everyday. Just starting out a mile a day will do for now. I would like to work up to 3 miles a day soon, in under an hour.
Day 5 (today) more of the same. I prepped and cooked some BBQ on my smoker and it turned out very good. Got a little done in the yard and walked a mile. I'am doing laundry tonight.
So, that is my "Catch Up" for the last few days. I my not post everyday but I will stay in touch on a regular basis.
So far I'am feeling very good sober. I'am sleeping very well and that in itself came as a big surprise on the quit. no craves yet...yet but when the come I have a few choices on how to deal with them. I have a "Bug-Out" bag packed and at the ready when the AV's start whispering to me. More on that later.
That's all for now...more later.
DD
I tryed to post at Day 3 but it seems SR had a server crash and I was never able to post it. Oh well. But...the update for Day's 3, 4 and 5 is as follows.
Day 3, Tuesday, I did go to the beach and enjoyed myself very much. Got some sun to the point of just getting a little pink. I walked about 45 mins and rinsed off in a shower and headed home. I stopped by a favorite seafood restaurant on the way home and got a plate to go. I didnt want to sit there eating my meal and watching the other patrons hoisting there ice cold, frosty glasses of beer so I got my dinner and went down the road a bit to a nice, quiet park with picnic tables and enjoyed my meal there. The view was beautiful !
After that I came on home and had a nice shower and retired early. I was bushed and it felt good !!! I slept very well and awoke to Day 4.
Not a lot to report on Day 4. I worked out in the yard for a while and realized I seem to have a little more strength and stamina. Quite a pleasant surprise !
I managed to walk a mile in 30 mins. I plan to walk as long as I can everyday. Just starting out a mile a day will do for now. I would like to work up to 3 miles a day soon, in under an hour.
Day 5 (today) more of the same. I prepped and cooked some BBQ on my smoker and it turned out very good. Got a little done in the yard and walked a mile. I'am doing laundry tonight.
So, that is my "Catch Up" for the last few days. I my not post everyday but I will stay in touch on a regular basis.
So far I'am feeling very good sober. I'am sleeping very well and that in itself came as a big surprise on the quit. no craves yet...yet but when the come I have a few choices on how to deal with them. I have a "Bug-Out" bag packed and at the ready when the AV's start whispering to me. More on that later.
That's all for now...more later.
DD
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Day 6 is underway.
Hello everyone. Day 6 has arrived and I'am feeling..."Antsey". Thats the only way I know how to describe it. I Feel nervous, irritated, agrivated...just a pissy mood I guess. Dont know why, I just do not feel content, serene. I guess that will come later. A friend told me to get some chocolate and eat it. It helps. Hersey's Dark Chocolate. I like it.
Just piddled around in the yard today. I'am trying to right 20 years of wrongs...and I know I cant do it all in one day. It may take a year or two at least. I have neglected a LOT for so long I may never get caught up. I dont know.
I'am posting this very late and I really need to get to bed. I'am glad tomorrow is Saturday.
Thats all for now, More later.
DD
Just piddled around in the yard today. I'am trying to right 20 years of wrongs...and I know I cant do it all in one day. It may take a year or two at least. I have neglected a LOT for so long I may never get caught up. I dont know.
I'am posting this very late and I really need to get to bed. I'am glad tomorrow is Saturday.
Thats all for now, More later.
DD
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Hi Rar, Got off to a good start but it went downhill from there. Just "one of those days" when nothing seems to go right. I came very close to drinking.
AS for my Day 8 report...
...I'am not a loud, beligerent drunken, raving maniac type of drunk. Unless you caught a whiff of my breath you would never know I was drinking. I drink the "Weakest" beer in sold in America "Natural Light" because it is smooth. No bite. It just tastes good. The colder the better. The only problem is I drink too many ! 15-18 on any given day/night. I just cop a mild "Buzz" and maintain...but the next morning !!!...OMG, It's "Montezumas revenge" as far as hangovers go ! It's very decieving.
Yet...I keep on doing it ! The "Insanity" of it all...I swear !
No...I didnt drink yesterday or last night... however, I'am drinking tonight...dammit ! As God is my Witness I WILL get back on track tomorrow (Monday).
Lots of people dont agree with me on this but, if I stumble for only 1 day and get right back on track the next, I give myself "credit for time sober". If I drink 2 days out of the week, then thats a relapse. If I drink 2 days back to back...that too, is a relapse. If I drink 3 days out of a month, thats a relapse. I give myself the 1-2-3 rule.
If I declare a relapse of only one day, then that gives me permission to drink. I do not want to do that ! I give myself one more shot at getting back on the straight and narrow. If successful, I pickup from the last day sober and move forward.
Thats the way I view it. I do NOT want to give myself "permission" to drink over one slip. I ask of no one, to agree with my views on the matter. I only ask they respect them. We must take what works for us and leave the rest. No one has authority to tell me I'am wrong about this or that.
Respectfully submitted for everyone's consideration but NOT for everyone's approval.
Oh, by the way, I went fishing today. Friend's boat and we did pretty good. Gor some sun and some fish and had a nice swim to boot! I really need to get my own boat usable again. The WX is going down for the rest of this week and it was nice to go out and put some really nice fish in the cooler. Had some for dinner tonight.
So thats about it for a Day 8 installment. Thanks to everyone for reading and posting comments.
Thats all for now, More later.
DD
AS for my Day 8 report...
...I'am not a loud, beligerent drunken, raving maniac type of drunk. Unless you caught a whiff of my breath you would never know I was drinking. I drink the "Weakest" beer in sold in America "Natural Light" because it is smooth. No bite. It just tastes good. The colder the better. The only problem is I drink too many ! 15-18 on any given day/night. I just cop a mild "Buzz" and maintain...but the next morning !!!...OMG, It's "Montezumas revenge" as far as hangovers go ! It's very decieving.
Yet...I keep on doing it ! The "Insanity" of it all...I swear !
No...I didnt drink yesterday or last night... however, I'am drinking tonight...dammit ! As God is my Witness I WILL get back on track tomorrow (Monday).
Lots of people dont agree with me on this but, if I stumble for only 1 day and get right back on track the next, I give myself "credit for time sober". If I drink 2 days out of the week, then thats a relapse. If I drink 2 days back to back...that too, is a relapse. If I drink 3 days out of a month, thats a relapse. I give myself the 1-2-3 rule.
If I declare a relapse of only one day, then that gives me permission to drink. I do not want to do that ! I give myself one more shot at getting back on the straight and narrow. If successful, I pickup from the last day sober and move forward.
Thats the way I view it. I do NOT want to give myself "permission" to drink over one slip. I ask of no one, to agree with my views on the matter. I only ask they respect them. We must take what works for us and leave the rest. No one has authority to tell me I'am wrong about this or that.
Respectfully submitted for everyone's consideration but NOT for everyone's approval.
Oh, by the way, I went fishing today. Friend's boat and we did pretty good. Gor some sun and some fish and had a nice swim to boot! I really need to get my own boat usable again. The WX is going down for the rest of this week and it was nice to go out and put some really nice fish in the cooler. Had some for dinner tonight.
So thats about it for a Day 8 installment. Thanks to everyone for reading and posting comments.
Thats all for now, More later.
DD
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Hello everyone. Having a good day today. Didnt feel too bad this morning...but sleep could have been better. I'am not drinking today and I'am spending most of the day in the kitchen cooking. I like to make meals ahead and seal them in vacuum seal bags. I smoked another pork roast (butt) on the smoker today and shredded it. Into the freezer they go and when it's time to enjoy a pound of fresh smoked BBQ, I just take it out of the freezer, put into a pot of boiling water and it heats it up. I just love my seal a meal for this very reason.
I worked out in the garden for a while this morning before the rain run me inside. I'am just starting to dig potato's but prefer the soil to be on the dry side when harvesting.
I walked a mile this afternoon. I hit the gym and started easing into my weight training. I do cardio everyday and weights only on M-W-F
Dinner tonight will be pulled pork sandwiche's, potato salad, baked beans and sweet (with Splenda) Southern Iced Tea ! Yummy !
Thats all for now. More later.
DD
I worked out in the garden for a while this morning before the rain run me inside. I'am just starting to dig potato's but prefer the soil to be on the dry side when harvesting.
I walked a mile this afternoon. I hit the gym and started easing into my weight training. I do cardio everyday and weights only on M-W-F
Dinner tonight will be pulled pork sandwiche's, potato salad, baked beans and sweet (with Splenda) Southern Iced Tea ! Yummy !
Thats all for now. More later.
DD
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