Misc72

Mom is 62 and daily drinker. Working for my company... her drinking does not interfere with her productivity at work. However, it consumes her in her free time. We hate who she becomes. She has no friends, no significant other and no real relationship with us adult kids.

Just wondering if I should talk to her about it or just accept it and as long as it doesn't interfere with her working then mind my own business?

daveglass1

Confront sounds a bit bullish. As youre a daughter then it seems to me reasonable enough to give her a welfare check. Its what youd do if she had any other ailment I suppose. Depends on how this mother- daughter relationship goes. I would.
Regards
Dave 🤠

2kind4me

I agree that it doesn’t have to be a confrontation but it could be a conversation. I think that you should be clear in your mind about what you’re trying to achieve. It’s likely that this conversation won’t change much but as long as you aren’t overly emotionally invested, you could point out that alcohol has gotten in the way.

Eauchiche

What a hard issue this can be in so many problem areas of life!!!!

The question of what you are trying to achieve here is a VERY good point. A very wise person once taught to "not cast our pearls before swine."

hopeful4

You have two very different roles. I believe my conversation (not confrontation, that never works), would be from a loving place as her child. Be prepared that it may not change much, and be prepared for it to eventually affect her work, and maybe discuss what that may look like with her if you choose.

Do you attend Alanon or Celebrate Recovery? It's always good to have that face to face support. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

atalose

I also agree, change your wording/thinking from confrontation to talk/discussion. I think there are many factors to take into account before any talks.

How long has she been a drinker?

How long has it been that she’s isolated herself away from family and friends?

Is she really going to “change” at 62? Does she even want to “change” her life?

Has anyone else had a discussion with her regarding this? If so, how did that go?

You have two very distinct roles in her life, one as a child the other as her employer.

If you decide to have a discussion with her I would do it after work hours, not at work maybe at her place. Keep those two things very separate but be fully prepared that the talk will adversely affect both.

Always remember “I” statements…..I am concerned for your wellbeing. I am concerned that you spend too much time alone.

Ladybird579

Unless it impacts on her ability to do her work I'd be inclined to not say anything. She's not going to stop even if you do.

Misc72

I shouldn't have titled this as confront. I did discuss with her in a loving place. She quickly defended her alcohol as "her crutch". She is just too far gone with the strangle hold it has on her. She has drank problematically for over 45 years. I'm 45 so all my memories are of her drinking, drunk, or on the way...

Doubt she will change but being in the employer situation sucks. I've gotten into a horrible situation with my co-dependent ways. I just want to cut all ties at this point. Would rather her be a distant relative than to have her sickness in my face every day. All 3 of her kids are alcoholics/addicts! I'm on 53 days this go around. I see things as they really are. For the first time ever my siblings and I are completely alcohol free except for her. I hurt for he.r She hasn't had friends or a significant other for 15 years now.

We just closed the pack and ship company we bought for her to run because it kept her busy during the day. But it was a money pit and had to close. My biggest fear is that she will just turn full fledged now. She is working for my online business from her house. So it is a pity job for her. It is not needed and she is not qualified. And I know she will not like this as she is a people person.

I just don't know what to do. I came at her with care concern and she thanked me... But I could tell she was embarrassed. I give up. But my livelyhood is on the line. Costing 4K per month in her salary so she can be a drunk in her free time. It's just gloomy! I want out but don't know how. Just want to live my own life... This has always been such an anchor.

hopeful4

Maybe you should tell her that instead of paying her a $4k salary that for that month, you will pay it to put her into rehab. If she refuses to do so, you have done all you can. You are right, this is an anchor around your neck.

If you allow it, this will drown you financially and emotionally. You have to protect yourself from that. Tell her not to be embarrassed, that you love her and want to help her, but only if she can help herself. Time to be very, very honest.

That is just my two cents. Big hugs to you.

Misc72

Hopeful thank you so much. Feels good just let it out... And to feel some emphathy. She will never go to rehab... I know it will run it's course. She doesn't want to this type of work anyway so somehow it will work out...

atalose

Maybe it’s time to close (pretend) that business as well. You can always say your finances can no longer support her salary. Give her enough notice along with information on collecting unemployment and set a last day date.