Rosxex

I posted a couple months back about my boyfriends addiction. This was when I was still being kept in the dark about a lot of things in his life. Since then things went from bad to worse needless to say more money has gone missing, more fights have been brought up and more tears than I'd like to admit. Last week was the final straw and a milestone was hit. He came clean about his heroin use and how his habit was worse than I thought, I knew it was bad but not to the extent to which it was. For once in our relationship I was relieved.... he was being honest and admitted to everything that had gone wrong during our relationship. He agreed that it's time to go away to a program. I dropped him off at rehab 3 days ago, we hugged, kissed, and said our goodbyes. It wasn't till today where it finally hit me, when I got my first call from him from the program. I miss him so much. Even after all the pain and heartbreak he caused me I still miss him so much I'm just so worried things are going to go downhill after he gets out. I'm one of the only positive people in his life right now so I get so worried that once he's out of rehab he's going to be right back out using again. I don't think I can take all of this again. any tips on how to keep him straight?

AnvilheadII

any tips on how to keep him straight

not your job to manage another person's life FOR them, ros. not your job to keep HIM straight. hell he was using A LOT and you didn't even know, so what does that tell you?

now is the time while he is rehab surrounded by people who DO care, to get yourself a bit sorted. he's not going to come out of rehab CURED with a guarantee that he will never use again. rehab MAY give him a good foundation to build his recovery upon. but it will take a lot of work....on HIS PART. you can't do his recovery for him, you can't make his recovery better, you can't make him want to not use. so you either accept the whole package and all of the unknowns, or you extricate yourself.

addiction is a lousy place. it takes everybody down. always remember you do not have to live in or with addiction. ever.

Spence7471

As previously said, coming out of rehab does not mean he is cured... it is just one of the many steps required to put the addiction at bay. Typically, a process for addiction treatment involves the following steps:
1) detox
2) rehab
3) sober living/transitional living/IOP
4) a maintenance program of sorts (AA, sponsors, therapists, etc...)

There may be a couple other steps in there that others will add... but those are the ones that my wife has followed... If you fail to follow anyone of them, relapse is highly likely. My wife was clean and sober for 9 years(ish) then relapsed because she had let her maintenance program lack.

Addiction is a lifelong journey for the addicts and those in their lives. It is the addict's responsibility to follow those programs and maintain them... not yours. If the addict has no desire to follow them, then you can do nothing to keep them straight. Hopefully your boyfriend is willing. You can help him by encouraging him to enter into some sort of sober living or aftercare program after rehab...

Key thing to know about addiction, it takes very little time for the drugs to reporgram the brain to new behaviors, but once clean, it takes months to undue part of what was done... that is why most treatment programs consist of 6 to 12 month programs where the addict is slowly trained to do normal activities again.

best wishes

atalose

He is where he needs to be and is being given the opportunity for help. Which path he chooses once out of that controlled environment is anyone's guess and something that is out of your control entirely.

Now would be a good time to focus on you, figure out what you missed along the way regarding his drug use and become more knowledgeable with addiction and addict behaviors.

tomsteve

any tips on how to keep him straight?

not your job/duty to do that,,Risxex, any more than it was anyone elses job to do it for me or any other addict/alcoholic. the ONLY thing that accomplishes is enabling an addict to not grow up and become responsible and accountable for their recovery and their life.

Evka1

This post hits so close to home for me, as it was my life for two years. My boyfriend and I are in the same exact position. He never went to treatment, there was never anywhere close enough once I finally came to realize what he was doing. He lied constantly and hid what he was doing and now even three months of him being sober we both know the trust will not be how it was five years ago...but we are working at it.
It's not easy loving an addict, but he's my best friend and just found himself in a hard position. My advice to you is to be positive but don't hide away from what you are feeling and thinking. Find someone to talk to. I find it easier to talk to someone outside of my immediate circle. It's hard for others to wear their head around why you choose to stay, but that is your own decision.
Around my boyfriend I had a hard time not getting frustrated some days. Some days are harder than others, for both of you once he is home. Just like the other posters have said, it is his choice on what happens after rehab. But one thing my boyfriend explained to me (and this may be different since everyone's journey is different) is that once he got through the worst part, he needed me to look at him without worry or pity. It's hard, but if you take the time to think about your options and remember the person he truly is it will be easier.
Just please, please, please take care of yourself first! You can't ignore where your relationship is at now, but you can work to get it to a healthier place.
Oh and definitely take time to think back on his actions or "queues" like another person suggested. Everyone can say it's all on him and you can't change him, but you can be there for him when you catch on to when he starts feeling anxious or angry and try to deescalate things.
I tried messaging you, but apparently I have to post 15 times as I am new