Poppet35

I feel totally responsible for the end of this. And I don't know how to deal with my feelings of guilt and loss. I've taken responsibility for so much and I never managed to fix any of it. And I keep thinking what I've lost and she looks so unhappy. I'm worried about what's going to happen now. Everything is so confusing. I keep getting told I destroyed everything and let her think so many bad things. A tiny part of me feels free the rest is lost and feeling so guilty.

2ndhandrose

Poppet, I recently wondered how you were doing.

I hope you can focus on the tiny part of you that feels free. The guilt is your default setting and you can only change you.

You never could "fix" her.

CentralOhioDad

Poppet, I know you are hurting. But, I will admit - when I saw the title of your post, I actually felt a sense of relief for you. I clearly remember your trials, tribulations, and heartache - we all do. And we all, mostly gently, strongly suggested getting as far away from her as possible.

If you are responsible for the end of it, see it as a positive only!!! You will get your life back and get to be who you really want to be. This also gets your kids away from this abusive relationship - they also will be better off. The only thing for which you can be "blamed" is making a better life for you and the kiddoes.

Of course she will blame you, hate on you, try to make you more miserable than you already are!! She's been doing that the entire time, even before you came to this board!! She's unhappy now???? Was she EVER happy?? I believe the answer is a resounding "NO", so what's the difference? Was unhappy, is unhappy, will probably always BE unhappy. Not yours to fix.

Turn that guilt into a sense of the freedom you so desperately deserve - good riddance to her! Sorry, that may seem insensitive, but she's destroyed too much of you and your life - time to get it back!!

Yes, if it truly is over, and I hope it is - then I am very happy for you!!! It will be quite okay. I could on some more, but I'll leave it at this.

Peace and blessings,

COD

SparkleKitty

Well, Poppet, just like the rest of us, you have "failed" at the Completely Impossible Task of Changing Another Human Being. Welcome to the club. It's pretty good company.

trying2Bpositiv

Poppet - I just joined this forum today and happened upon your post. (No accidents in the universe.) My heart hurts for you. For her. For everyone involved. And, I can only imagine. (I am just beginning this 'journey' with someone - 7 months into it - and it's soul crushing. And we do not have children.) I am struggling with what to do... So all I say to you is - Be kind to yourself. Know that others out here are sending you kind and loving thoughts.

hopeful4

Oh Poppet, I am so sorry you are hurting.

You have taken a mental battering for years. I have no doubt you were made to feel like it's all your fault. I am also doubting that very much.

You have been conditioned to feel badly, to be made to feel guilty, and to allow yourself to be manipulated.

Step back and look at this situation. You have not been happy in this relationship, nor has she, for a long time.

I agree that you need to be kind to yourself, and let yourself see that you deserve happiness and kindness in your life.

I send you huge hugs friend.

AnvilheadII

I never managed to fix any of it

IT being your partner was NEVER yours to FIX.

i hope that sense of FREE keeps growing.

golfreggie

Some of the wisest things I have read or heard were this simple. great comment, and to the OP I feel for you. The unknown is, well, unknown, huh?