New and ready, day one
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 6
New and ready, day one
I am on day one and boy is it awful. The withdrawals that is. My story/struggle.. had my first drink when I was around 19, I’m 32 now. I would drink all the time but when I did it was extremely exeessive quantities, usually blacking out. I had periods of not drinking here and there. At one time I was anorexic and using adderall/coke for about 6 months and did not drink period due to the calories. I also did not drink the whole time I was pregnant and for two months after that, that was back in July 2013. Then around October 2013 is when it got bad. Ever since then I’ve been a binge drinker. For 3-5 days every couple weeks I will drink 3 bottles of wine every one of those 3-5 days. It is so awful. I hate myself every time. I then have severe anxiety after thinking about the money I spent and how awful of a mother I was. I have got to quit. I do not want to die, I want to see my daughter grow up. I just had my worst bender ever that started a week ago, and I am paying for it now. I had some wine left this morning but dumped it out. Was hard to do cause I knew I would feel like crap. I feel so anxious and so tired. It feels like I won’t ever feel better again. I barely felt like getting in the iPad but I had to make this post. My plan is to get through this and find support here! I cannot slip up. I cannot take this life anymore. It’s so sickening and depressing but I am glad to have found this site. Reading peoples posts is very encouraging! I would write more but I am not feeling too well. 
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Burien WA.
Posts: 2,893
I'm going through withdrawals too, it's hell and to think we poison ourselves, my benders have gotten worse and the shaky withdrawals horrible, almost went to store but didn't, trying to hang in there. Good luck on your fight against alcohol addiction.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 6
Super struggle! So hard to not drink knowing it eases the withdrawal symptoms. But I am not and will not. I’m actually starting to feel better. Not perfect but better. Cannot wait for this to tall be over though. I know the first day is the hardest. Disgusts me to think about all the wine I have drank over the last 4 years. 4 years of my daughters life wasted.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 140
I’m still fighting through withdrawal too sobermom, so I promise you’re not alone. Don’t beat yourself up over what you could have done better in the past, it doesn’t help anyone, least of all you. Just try to focus on how much better your life can and will be if you can get through this phase. At least that’s what I’m doing anyway. We can do this Sobermom, stay strong!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 6
Thanks everyone! I am a few hours from being 24 hours alcohol free! Still a bit shaky but I think also due to lack of eating, though I have been staying hydrated. Finally feeling hungry again. Less irritable. Wicked IBS, though. I just want this all to be a thing of the past! I am ready to be healthy and happy!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 6
Feel kind of silly posting to myself, but it helps! Aside from residual symptoms, I am in a good mood! I have one bathroom totally clean, and did a dew loads of laundry. I am getting the house back together. I can't believe yesterday and the day before and the day before I "needed" or so I though wine to clean. Ha, and did not even clean! I am cleaning sober right now and love it!
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