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Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
New here
Hello,
I am new here. I am an academic, in my thirties, and I drink way too much usually as a way of dealing with my stressful job. I've known I need to cut back on drinking for a long time, and now I really want to completely stop. I'm tired of the cycle of giving it up for weeks, and then suddenly caving and drinking only to find myself back where I started. I'm a high functioning alcoholic, but I know it won't stay that way if I continue. I'm terrified that I will hurt myself or someone else driving etc. if I keep on like this. Lately it seems like every time I drink, it's worse than the last. I feel like I live a double life, drinking on the weekend, recovering from horrible hangovers. Then I go to work and smile and teach and pretend like I'm normal. I feel ashamed of myself, and I wish I could just have some self-control.
Thank you for reading.
I am new here. I am an academic, in my thirties, and I drink way too much usually as a way of dealing with my stressful job. I've known I need to cut back on drinking for a long time, and now I really want to completely stop. I'm tired of the cycle of giving it up for weeks, and then suddenly caving and drinking only to find myself back where I started. I'm a high functioning alcoholic, but I know it won't stay that way if I continue. I'm terrified that I will hurt myself or someone else driving etc. if I keep on like this. Lately it seems like every time I drink, it's worse than the last. I feel like I live a double life, drinking on the weekend, recovering from horrible hangovers. Then I go to work and smile and teach and pretend like I'm normal. I feel ashamed of myself, and I wish I could just have some self-control.
Thank you for reading.
You've made a wise decision to get sober. I hope our support can help you do that. You won't regret it. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and Welcome Professor D
I used to work in academia too, and although my worst drinking happened after I left academia, I know a lot of academics struggle with this problem.
You'll find a lot of support and good ideas here.
Maybe it's a good time to think of some other healthier ways to deal with stress?
D
I used to work in academia too, and although my worst drinking happened after I left academia, I know a lot of academics struggle with this problem.
You'll find a lot of support and good ideas here.
Maybe it's a good time to think of some other healthier ways to deal with stress?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 110
I am not an academic, but I know a few and the stress is enormous. I let stress dictate how much I drank as well. The feeling of "well, I deserve this due to the stress of whatever" Drinking will not mitigate stress. It amplifies it overall. It may not seem so when you have that first "calm me down" drink...but on balance, you will see your stress levels increase. Unfortunately stress is part of life (not trying to negate yours). Hopefully you can find another way to handle it. Good luck with all....
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Thanks, yes I think I need to find new ways to relieve stress. When I drink it's definitely a feeling of "I deserve this." But you are absolutely right that the drinking causes more stress: bad for my health, bad for my depression, bad for my wallet, and bad for my productivity.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,575
Welcome to you, Professor! I'm so glad you've made the big decision to get free of your drinking habit.
I started out using it to calm myself, to not feel shy & self-conscious. I could never have imagined the dangerous path I was putting myself on. I spent many years trying to use willpower to moderate - felt that if I could just stick to 'a few' it could be enjoyable, & not dangerous. Unfortunately, I almost waited too late to take action. My life was in ruins when I first came here. Finding SR helped me to not feel alone anymore - I hope it will help you to be with us.
I started out using it to calm myself, to not feel shy & self-conscious. I could never have imagined the dangerous path I was putting myself on. I spent many years trying to use willpower to moderate - felt that if I could just stick to 'a few' it could be enjoyable, & not dangerous. Unfortunately, I almost waited too late to take action. My life was in ruins when I first came here. Finding SR helped me to not feel alone anymore - I hope it will help you to be with us.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Welcome Talosian. Since you are an academic I will try to describe recovery in a way that you can relate to. It's a bit of a guess of course but here goes.
The steps one must take to successfully stop drinking (or drugging etc.) are boringly simply but surprisingly difficult to execute.
Welcome and best wishes for your success.
The steps one must take to successfully stop drinking (or drugging etc.) are boringly simply but surprisingly difficult to execute.
Welcome and best wishes for your success.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Welcome ProfessorD. When I saw your username I guessed you were either an academic or a rapper!
Just one sweeping overview (not specifically related to you individually of course). I think the term "high functioning alcoholic" is really unhelpful. It's a mitigation before the fact 'title'. Better to just say 'alcoholic' and be done with it.
PS - I used the 'title' about myself for years as a CEO of a big UK Company. So I have some personal experience of the thought process.
Regards,
JT
Just one sweeping overview (not specifically related to you individually of course). I think the term "high functioning alcoholic" is really unhelpful. It's a mitigation before the fact 'title'. Better to just say 'alcoholic' and be done with it.
PS - I used the 'title' about myself for years as a CEO of a big UK Company. So I have some personal experience of the thought process.
Regards,
JT
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Hello and welcome to the community.
This is a great place to find support and help.
I used the stressful job too and thought of myself as a smart alcoholic.
No matter what I work in I will find the reasons to drink.
Working today at staying sober.
V.
Lots of patent applications, international publications and 14 patents granted.
Managing 35 R&D Engineers.
***And still an alcoholic.... ***
This is a great place to find support and help.
I used the stressful job too and thought of myself as a smart alcoholic.
No matter what I work in I will find the reasons to drink.
Working today at staying sober.
V.
Lots of patent applications, international publications and 14 patents granted.
Managing 35 R&D Engineers.
***And still an alcoholic.... ***
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
Yes, I get it. I know this is a disease which affects everyone from all walks of life. High-functioning alcoholic to me seems insane, which is what I'm trying to articulate I guess. Like I have a split personality. I know that my drinking is, in some sense, caused by my stressful life, but I also separate my drinking self from my regular self. When I'm teaching a class of students, it seems unfathomable that two nights before I was throwing up and wondering how I was going to live through the night. Right now the feeling I hate the most is not even the physical symptoms or the lows of the drinking itself but the shame that comes with this double identity. Hopefully that makes sense.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: yorkshire UK
Posts: 879
Hi Professor. That makes sense. I have been trying to get sober for many year, and have managed it for long periods. I have relapsed in the past and I am now more aware of triggers and getting complacent.
I understand the split personality. I always feel its another me walking at the side of me. When sober and I walk past a pub I can almost see myself through the window, sitting at the bar. I am always glad I keep walking.
But the most painful is when I am drinking and see someone driving home late at night, or on TV sitting there with a mug of tea in the evening. Or just be able to attend something at short notice cos they are together. I am so jealous. I think back to when I could leave someones house anytime of day or night and drive.
I know for sure which one I want to be, I just lost the way in the past. Two selves or split personality is how it feels. But I intend to get rid of the other me for good.
Take care, keep it up. Keep coming here.
I understand the split personality. I always feel its another me walking at the side of me. When sober and I walk past a pub I can almost see myself through the window, sitting at the bar. I am always glad I keep walking.
But the most painful is when I am drinking and see someone driving home late at night, or on TV sitting there with a mug of tea in the evening. Or just be able to attend something at short notice cos they are together. I am so jealous. I think back to when I could leave someones house anytime of day or night and drive.
I know for sure which one I want to be, I just lost the way in the past. Two selves or split personality is how it feels. But I intend to get rid of the other me for good.
Take care, keep it up. Keep coming here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 110
Here is an article about alcoholism and shame:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...lism-and-shame
Dr Brene Brown has great TED talks about this as well.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...lism-and-shame
Dr Brene Brown has great TED talks about this as well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
I posted this to another "functioning alcoholic" thread. I'll share it with you, as you might appreciate it, too. I enjoyed this book, it taught me my thinking was not unique, nor was I as functional as I tried to convince myself I'd been.
Understanding the high-functioning alcoholic : breaking the cycle and finding hope, by Sarah Allen Benton.
Understanding the high-functioning alcoholic : breaking the cycle and finding hope, by Sarah Allen Benton.
Contents
Pt. I. Active alcoholism
-- Introduction : high-functioning alcoholics
-- In the beginning : high-functioning alcoholics in high school
-- Freedom : high-functioning alcoholics in college
-- Adrift : high-functioning alcoholics as emerging adults
-- Falling uphill : professional, intelligent, and alcoholic
-- Attempts to cure the problem : out of control and hitting bottom
-- Pt. II. Recovery
-- A new start : the paths to sobriety
-- Filling the void : spirituality, religion, and the bottle
-- Transformation : the twelve steps
-- The challenge : life in recovery.
Summary
With a focus on recovery and treatment, this volume identifies the characteristics, behaviors, and experiences of the high-functioning alcoholic and highlights the struggles of those who cannot control their drinking even as they succeed in other areas of their lives.
Pt. I. Active alcoholism
-- Introduction : high-functioning alcoholics
-- In the beginning : high-functioning alcoholics in high school
-- Freedom : high-functioning alcoholics in college
-- Adrift : high-functioning alcoholics as emerging adults
-- Falling uphill : professional, intelligent, and alcoholic
-- Attempts to cure the problem : out of control and hitting bottom
-- Pt. II. Recovery
-- A new start : the paths to sobriety
-- Filling the void : spirituality, religion, and the bottle
-- Transformation : the twelve steps
-- The challenge : life in recovery.
Summary
With a focus on recovery and treatment, this volume identifies the characteristics, behaviors, and experiences of the high-functioning alcoholic and highlights the struggles of those who cannot control their drinking even as they succeed in other areas of their lives.
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