Sarahsays

I tried to post this a minute ago but it didn't work so hopefully I won't be posting the same thing twice.

As you can tell from my title, my booze free christmas didn't quite go as planned as withdrawals got so bad I needed to taper off because I was worried about putting my health at risk (there's not much help where I live with regards to withdrawal).

So yeah, today has been my first day completely alcohol free.

I tapered off starting with half a bottle of wine and going down over the last week or so, so I haven't gotten drunk I just had enough to keep withdrawals at bay ending with one small glass yesterday. So today things aren't that different physically but psychologically has been tough. I think now I know that this is it, especially coming back from the shops knowing it would shut by the time I got home and that buying booze was not an option I got very anxious, even afraid. I'm coping with this very much one day at a time, at the moment coping with the idea of never again seems too harsh. I've also been pretty paranoid about my health and relationships and stuff, as well as feeling pretty ashamed about my past behavior, the lying, sneaking around and hiding things to keep the extent of my problem a secret etc.

Things haven't been all bad though, I had a good christmas for the most part and although I had a small amount of alcohol, did achieve my goal of no hangovers/not remembering anything.

I'm looking forward to this time next year, when hopefully I'll feel much better inside and out than I do right now.

Dee74

congrats on a new year and a new start sarahsays

D

Stronger2017

That’s great you’ve stopped drinking. I’ve found reading and posting to SR has been really helpful for keeping me sober. Good luck!

Hevyn

You'll feel so much better when you get some sober time built up. The first few weeks are rough, but it feels so good to get free. Congratulations on stopping - it'll take a little time to adjust & regain your health - but you're doing this! Be proud, Sarahsays.

Anna

Hi Sarah,

I'm glad you've posted and that you've stopped drinking. I think your feelings of anxiety, shame and paranoia are fairly common in early recovery. You will be able to get past those things and live a sober life.

least

Welcome! There's lots of support here so I hope we can help you get sober for good.

JustTony

It's interesting. I was only saying to someone on here that I don't really suffer from anxiety (unless I live in a permanent state of anxiousness and just don't notice it anymore?) but I absolutely DO identify with the feelings of shame and paranoia. I was riddled with both of these emotions right up to stopping and for the following 14 days of sobriety.

The good news for me (and I hope you) is that these went away almost completely after this time.

I'm only 31 days sober but I no longer feel shame (I feel proud actually) and I certainly don't feel any paranoia now.

You can do it Sarah.

PS - The monthly class on SR helped me so much I cannot explain. The support of the group in there was amazing. I would highly recommend you join the January Class if you haven't already?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ad-2018-a.html