Mother has never been sober
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1
Mother has never been sober
Hello,
I'm an adult child of an alcoholic mother. She Is a functioning alcoholic. She has a job, and is heavily involved in church. And she drinks every day, almost a bottle of wine a day. She hides it so I'm never quite sure when it starts but I'm guessing as soon as she wakes up. It has been this way ever since I remember. She is great when she is not too drunk, but not good at all when she gets to that point. She has never hurt my physically, but Is cold and shaming emotionally. I have lived through her disease, and now I am worried about the mental health of my little sister who is only 13 and is being raised by her. I am also worried about her health, because she is wasting away to nothing. She lies to her doctor and no one knows just how much she drinks as well as I do
She came to my apartment once and I asked her not to drink at the restaurant because she had to drive home, and the next day I found she had drank half my bottle of wine in secret while she was over. How do I help her realize her problem? Any mention of her drinking leads to agressive and bitter denial.
I'm an adult child of an alcoholic mother. She Is a functioning alcoholic. She has a job, and is heavily involved in church. And she drinks every day, almost a bottle of wine a day. She hides it so I'm never quite sure when it starts but I'm guessing as soon as she wakes up. It has been this way ever since I remember. She is great when she is not too drunk, but not good at all when she gets to that point. She has never hurt my physically, but Is cold and shaming emotionally. I have lived through her disease, and now I am worried about the mental health of my little sister who is only 13 and is being raised by her. I am also worried about her health, because she is wasting away to nothing. She lies to her doctor and no one knows just how much she drinks as well as I do
She came to my apartment once and I asked her not to drink at the restaurant because she had to drive home, and the next day I found she had drank half my bottle of wine in secret while she was over. How do I help her realize her problem? Any mention of her drinking leads to agressive and bitter denial.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Bailes.
Welcome.
I am an ACOA as well.
And I have an alcohol addicted sib, who lives with my non drinking mom.
Sadly, you can’t control your mother’s drinking, as you know.
I’m sure you have boundaries in place, like not engaging with her when she is drunk, which is probably later in the day.
I would try to support my sister as much as possible.
Maybe spend time together with you being a positive non-drinking, loving role model?
If your mother was shaming to you, it’s likely she is doing the same to your sister, as these patterns don’t usually change.
Are there things you and other family members can do to counter this for the 13 year old?
Also, anything you and others can do to make sure your mother isn’t driving drunk, especially with your sister in the car.
That will be very tough, I know.
Al-Anon and Alateen can be great sources of support for you and your sister.
Good luck.
Welcome.
I am an ACOA as well.
And I have an alcohol addicted sib, who lives with my non drinking mom.
Sadly, you can’t control your mother’s drinking, as you know.
I’m sure you have boundaries in place, like not engaging with her when she is drunk, which is probably later in the day.
I would try to support my sister as much as possible.
Maybe spend time together with you being a positive non-drinking, loving role model?
If your mother was shaming to you, it’s likely she is doing the same to your sister, as these patterns don’t usually change.
Are there things you and other family members can do to counter this for the 13 year old?
Also, anything you and others can do to make sure your mother isn’t driving drunk, especially with your sister in the car.
That will be very tough, I know.
Al-Anon and Alateen can be great sources of support for you and your sister.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello Bailes, and welcome to our corner of recovery.
You may want to browse our forum "next door";
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ily-alcoholics
The details of people's lives are different. Most of the folks there are married to their alcoholic, but the questions are the same, they all want to get them to stop. Check out this thread:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...l-problem.html (10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem)
Mike
Originally Posted by Bailes 
... How do I help her realize her problem? ...
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ily-alcoholics
The details of people's lives are different. Most of the folks there are married to their alcoholic, but the questions are the same, they all want to get them to stop. Check out this thread:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...l-problem.html (10 Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with a Drug or Alcohol Problem)
Mike
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