Abbiegrace

My partner of nearly 2 years is an alcoholic. He is very much in denial but I choose to stay with him because he is kind, gentle and supports me 100%. He is never violent or abusive but he depends on alcohol in times of stress (there is always a stressful situation to use as an excuse to drink)

My reason for posting is more about myself. I suffer with anxiety and depression and have recently had a psychotic episode. I lost my job, my home and had to give away all my pets (who are very important to me) because I was in and out of hospital and couldn't take care of them

I have been unemployed for about 8 months now and medical professionals suggest that I don't look for work just yet. Our financial situation now is pretty dire. My partner has a well paid job and his drinking never interferes with it. He likes his job and had lots of friends at work.

I'm feeling a lot of pressure from him to get a job, which isn't helping my anxiety :/ but I'm finding it really hard to address his alcoholism when he feels like I'm the one letting the side down by not financially contributing. He had never said this but I can feel that it's what he thinks.

I guess I just wanted a little rant about it. He feels like he's doing great in life because he has a job and I don't. I think his life must be a mess to rely to heavily on alcohol. We're just not on the same page at all

maia1234

Abbie,
I m sorry you are in this situation. His drinking is causing you anxiety and you shouldn't work because of your anxiety. Ugh, we get it. Are you seeking any therapy. Self care is the only thing that can help. I would seek out some open aa or alanon meetings. These face to face people understand what is going on in your home. Education is the best thing for you.

You need the tools on how to not engage with an active addict in your home. Keep reading on this forum, asking questions and stick around. Over time, you will understand and life might get a little better. Hugs!!

dandylion

Abbie...here is a link to our extensive library of articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones...I hope that you will read through them.....

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

teatreeoil007

Abby,

Sorry for your predicament. Tough situation.

In the midst of all this, though, hang on to your own value...just because you can't work right doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything like that. There are lots of people who for whatever reason cannot work and some of those people used to work very important jobs making good money. I know of a nurse who specialized in neuro who got multiple sclerosis and couldn't work anymore because she has to try and eliminate stress from her job in order to keep the MS in remission. If she was under a lot of stress her MS would flare up.

Anxiety is a real problem and you've got medical professionals who are advising you to not work right now. This is where love is really tested..is he standing by you and loving you and supporting you and helping you despite your mental illness? No, doesn't sound like it. You need to dump this guy now. He doesn't value you. He's not helping your anxiety.

AnvilheadII

his drinking problem aside for a moment, you do live with him and have no means of support. this puts you in the position of relying upon him completely and it does give him a bit of the upper hand. it sounds as if you two aren't living together out of a mutual decision, but more out of necessity.

is there anyone else you can stay with? or other services that might provide financial support? on the best of days it is not wise to Rely upon the Unreliable, but when you add in other factors, it makes it much less ideal.

i'd gently suggest you not worry about trying to fix his problems. your own are more than enough. his are nothing more than a distraction.

Abbiegrace

I think I'm making him sound worse than he is purely because of my own feelings of low self worth at this point in my life.

I do feel pressured and he has said that he would feel better about our financial situation with me working but also says he doesn't want me to do anything that will make me ill. He takes time off work to take me to appointments and drops everything if he even has an inkling that I'm having a bad day. He stays calm and and keeps me safe when I'm endangering myself.

I can't fault his support of me except for this one thing that bothers me. I think the flaw is me tbh :/

teatreeoil007

Okay, thanks for that info Abbiegrace. Well, then...you're getting professional help for your issues? How's that going? Any particular reason you cannot get yourself to your own appts? Don't mean to pry...so it sounds like he takes care of you in more ways than financial. Regardless of what he complains about, I think YOU would feel better if you didn't depend on him so much. Does he really need to "drop everything" if you are having a bad day? So, you feel pressured to work and he feels pressured to take care of you.

Mango blast

I found that leaving, having no income, taking a breath and a huge leap of faith.... Life/Universe/God/Whatever-name-resonates-with-you -- keeps showing up for me in amazing ways.

I couldn't think of ways out, yet through prayer, desperation, something... things started lining up for me and giving me a push to leave before I even knew I was ready.

Pray with all your heart. It's okay to cry, to feel, to be weak, to be strong. You, just as you are, are wonderful, beautiful and worthy of a healing space and a brilliant life.

Mango blast

When everything is gone, it can create a void for healing and new adventures of life to come.

Find some curiosity and compassion for any shortcomings you may seem to have. You are worthy. You are enough.

teatreeoil007

In your OP you said that the two of you are not on the same page at all. It sounds like that is true. We're here for support, but only you can make the big decisions...right now you are in a tough spot and likely feel trapped with nowhere to go. It's a terrible thing to feel trapped. I think we have all felt that from time to time. So, it seems to come back to "what are my options?" That is usually a searching question as we look for answers. Open yourself up to the possibilities.

teatreeoil007

I will add that part of the issue of being on different pages is just the difference in your ages and stages of life. You're only 21. He's 30...and maybe has college long out of the way or is established in his career. What do you want your future to look like? This is a soul searching question, but I challenge you to think about it.