Last hooray?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 454
Last hooray?
I'm back again, hoping to commit to sobriety (staring tomorrow), and knowing I'm going to drink tonight.
The truth is I have been drinking all day, but I am so exhausted from the ongoing mental games.
I almost feel like I should not be posting here cause I'm not having a sober day. Nothing to celebrate here.
Anyhow, what was your final day? Was there a last hooray? A serious rock bottom situation? Or did you just throw in the towel?
I suppose tonight is my last hooray, knowing I already failed today... and I'll be back tomorrow to start day 1
The truth is I have been drinking all day, but I am so exhausted from the ongoing mental games.
I almost feel like I should not be posting here cause I'm not having a sober day. Nothing to celebrate here.
Anyhow, what was your final day? Was there a last hooray? A serious rock bottom situation? Or did you just throw in the towel?
I suppose tonight is my last hooray, knowing I already failed today... and I'll be back tomorrow to start day 1
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: somewhere, tx
Posts: 128
At least you're being honest about your sobriety. Thanks for coming here and I urge you to stick around!
My last day (actually night) was a car accident in a blackout. Head on with some innocent person. Luckily they were not injured. I was but then again, I deserved it. Lost my car, my job, my long-time partner, my home, whatever self respect I had left, etc. Oh yeah, gained one thing- a DWI, complete with probation, lawyers fees, community service and an ignition-lock on my car, courtesy of the court.
If you really have a problem, please go online and locate an AA meeting near where you live and go there instead. You'll be in my thoughts!
My last day (actually night) was a car accident in a blackout. Head on with some innocent person. Luckily they were not injured. I was but then again, I deserved it. Lost my car, my job, my long-time partner, my home, whatever self respect I had left, etc. Oh yeah, gained one thing- a DWI, complete with probation, lawyers fees, community service and an ignition-lock on my car, courtesy of the court.
If you really have a problem, please go online and locate an AA meeting near where you live and go there instead. You'll be in my thoughts!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 454
Originally Posted by opmloser 
At least you're being honest about your sobriety. Thanks for coming here and I urge you to stick around!
My last day (actually night) was a car accident in a blackout. Head on with some innocent person. Luckily they were not injured. I was but then again, I deserved it. Lost my car, my job, my long-time partner, my home, whatever self respect I had left, etc. Oh yeah, gained one thing- a DWI, complete with probation, lawyers fees, community service and an ignition-lock on my car, courtesy of the court.
If you really have a problem, please go online and locate an AA meeting near where you live and go there instead. You'll be in my thoughts!
My last day (actually night) was a car accident in a blackout. Head on with some innocent person. Luckily they were not injured. I was but then again, I deserved it. Lost my car, my job, my long-time partner, my home, whatever self respect I had left, etc. Oh yeah, gained one thing- a DWI, complete with probation, lawyers fees, community service and an ignition-lock on my car, courtesy of the court.
If you really have a problem, please go online and locate an AA meeting near where you live and go there instead. You'll be in my thoughts!
Thank you again for sharing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 454
I can't cancel dinner dinner plans.. I suppose I not need to drink- I just already feel defeated today. Already gave up, and looking for the clean slate tomorrow.
I look for the clean slate everyday. But tomorrow I actually have plans to pour out my secret stash- which I've never done.
Idk
I look for the clean slate everyday. But tomorrow I actually have plans to pour out my secret stash- which I've never done.
Idk
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
I've thought about this as I was looking for some debit card documentation to dispute this and that (because I created a bad credit mix from being drunk).
I actually lasered in on the week leading up to my hospitalization--all the "runs" multiple in a day because I didn't admit, even to self, how much I was drinking.
So, yeah, I do remember the last time. It was purely to stave off withdrawals. Then my activity on the account flatlines for nine days while I lay dying in the hospital.
Which brings me to my next point: be glad you have a choice in the matter before you don't have a choice. I didn't have a choice. My last day of drinking was by choice as were those many runs back to the shop. Being put in the hospital was not a choice (well between that and death). My last hoorah consisted of very rapid breathing and feeling like I was dying. I was in intensive care later that day.
I actually lasered in on the week leading up to my hospitalization--all the "runs" multiple in a day because I didn't admit, even to self, how much I was drinking.
So, yeah, I do remember the last time. It was purely to stave off withdrawals. Then my activity on the account flatlines for nine days while I lay dying in the hospital.
Which brings me to my next point: be glad you have a choice in the matter before you don't have a choice. I didn't have a choice. My last day of drinking was by choice as were those many runs back to the shop. Being put in the hospital was not a choice (well between that and death). My last hoorah consisted of very rapid breathing and feeling like I was dying. I was in intensive care later that day.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Originally Posted by Darlad921
I can't cancel dinner dinner plans..
You can and must do whatever it takes to get and stay sober.
There will ALWAYS be a reason to drink. Saying 'No' can be very empowering.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
You say you know you will be drinking tonight, but only suppose tomorrow you may not drink.
You also say you want control, it seems you have it , perhaps you mean you wish to exercise that control better. The best way to exercise that control is to never choose to put alcohol in your mouth again. Once you indulge the desire for alcohol it is 'harder' to say no, one becomes two, a night to just take it easy turns into binge session ect ect.
If you didn't have some semblance of control , how could you be able to state categorically that you will drink in a future moment, if you didn't have any control, how could you guarantee it ?
You also say you want control, it seems you have it , perhaps you mean you wish to exercise that control better. The best way to exercise that control is to never choose to put alcohol in your mouth again. Once you indulge the desire for alcohol it is 'harder' to say no, one becomes two, a night to just take it easy turns into binge session ect ect.
If you didn't have some semblance of control , how could you be able to state categorically that you will drink in a future moment, if you didn't have any control, how could you guarantee it ?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 112
I'm on day 4.
On Friday I went to 4-5 bars with a friend and ended the night smoking and hanging out with some randoms til 3 AM. I quit smoking 6 years ago.
The next day I could not get out of bed and I threw up on myself not once, not twice, but 3 times.
I went outside that day and it was a beautiful fall day. The sun streaming into the yard and the air was crisp and gorgeous. But I couldn't do anything about it, I had to go back to bed and puke on myself some more, apparently. I changed my beautiful Saturday with those I love in for getting wasted with people I didn't know or care about, and who didn't care about me.
Somewhere along the line I lost my ability to stop myself from getting to that point.
I'm over it. Try to think of it not as something I'm losing but something I'm gaining. Post again tomorrow on your day one, and we'll be right here.
On Friday I went to 4-5 bars with a friend and ended the night smoking and hanging out with some randoms til 3 AM. I quit smoking 6 years ago.
The next day I could not get out of bed and I threw up on myself not once, not twice, but 3 times.
I went outside that day and it was a beautiful fall day. The sun streaming into the yard and the air was crisp and gorgeous. But I couldn't do anything about it, I had to go back to bed and puke on myself some more, apparently. I changed my beautiful Saturday with those I love in for getting wasted with people I didn't know or care about, and who didn't care about me.
Somewhere along the line I lost my ability to stop myself from getting to that point.
I'm over it. Try to think of it not as something I'm losing but something I'm gaining. Post again tomorrow on your day one, and we'll be right here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 454
Originally Posted by notgonnastoptry
I've thought about this as I was looking for some debit card documentation to dispute this and that (because I created a bad credit mix from being drunk).
I actually lasered in on the week leading up to my hospitalization--all the "runs" multiple in a day because I didn't admit, even to self, how much I was drinking.
So, yeah, I do remember the last time. It was purely to stave off withdrawals. Then my activity on the account flatlines for nine days while I lay dying in the hospital.
Which brings me to my next point: be glad you have a choice in the matter before you don't have a choice. I didn't have a choice. My last day of drinking was by choice as were those many runs back to the shop. Being put in the hospital was not a choice (well between that and death). My last hoorah consisted of very rapid breathing and feeling like I was dying. I was in intensive care later that day.
I actually lasered in on the week leading up to my hospitalization--all the "runs" multiple in a day because I didn't admit, even to self, how much I was drinking.
So, yeah, I do remember the last time. It was purely to stave off withdrawals. Then my activity on the account flatlines for nine days while I lay dying in the hospital.
Which brings me to my next point: be glad you have a choice in the matter before you don't have a choice. I didn't have a choice. My last day of drinking was by choice as were those many runs back to the shop. Being put in the hospital was not a choice (well between that and death). My last hoorah consisted of very rapid breathing and feeling like I was dying. I was in intensive care later that day.
withdrawl symptoms suck- im not looking forward to it. I unfourtually have had day 1 too too many times to know this.
I have been actually been moderating the past few days, and wasn't really shaky this morning-
I actually set a timer to when I am allowing myself to drink (embarrassment)
but in the end, this won't be fun.. it needs to be done
Thanks again for all the support. I'll check back soon
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Darlad921
Anyhow, what was your final day? Was there a last hooray? A serious rock bottom situation? Or did you just throw in the towel?
the vast majority of the worlds population would think i would have been done- i would have hit bottom,threw in the towel, and surrendered.
i didnt. i drank for 13 more years.
i threw in the towel and surrendered when i was given the greatest gift i had ever been given- the gift of desperation. the pain of getting drunk had finally exceeded the pain of reality.
that was the day after another blackout drunk- the day my(by then ex) fiance tossed me to the curb.
thats when i started getting out of the hole, one step at a time.
it wasnt easy. there was no magic potion. no magic pill. no mystical words that automatically made me and my life better.
there was a lot of hard work and a lot of fighting the mental obsession.
every second of fight was worth it
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 36
Best of luck Darlad.
So many times I told myself "tomorrow I won't drink" or, waking up with a hangover, "I'm not going to drink today". And it was a massive battle that, most of the time, would end up with me drinking by 12 noon.
A couple times I was able to manage quitting that day, so I hope you can too. It going to suck, (there's really no easy exit) but it gets better.
So many times I told myself "tomorrow I won't drink" or, waking up with a hangover, "I'm not going to drink today". And it was a massive battle that, most of the time, would end up with me drinking by 12 noon.
A couple times I was able to manage quitting that day, so I hope you can too. It going to suck, (there's really no easy exit) but it gets better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 14
I actually used to say that I didn't have an alcohol abuse problem, I had an alcohol abuse solution. I actually said that. Like over fifteen years ago.
We can't change the past no matter how desperately we want to take things back. No one knows what the future holds, we have to wait for it so it's just wasting time to worry about it. What we have is now and we can grab it by both hands and change it - now.
We can't change the past no matter how desperately we want to take things back. No one knows what the future holds, we have to wait for it so it's just wasting time to worry about it. What we have is now and we can grab it by both hands and change it - now.
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