Really screwed up
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
Really screwed up
I drank all day yesterday then did something I never thought I would do. I let my friend bring drugs into the house and I did a little bit of it. I've never done drugs in my life other than experiment with pot. I will never do it again because I don't like how I feel while coming down from it.
My friend is gone now. He's staying elsewhere until he turns himself in for his jail time. He thinks he's coming back here when he gets out, but I realize that isn't a good idea. I have to get myself straightened out.
I'm gonna check with my insurance about outpatient treatment. I can't do this by myself. I'm spiraling way out of control.
My friend is gone now. He's staying elsewhere until he turns himself in for his jail time. He thinks he's coming back here when he gets out, but I realize that isn't a good idea. I have to get myself straightened out.
I'm gonna check with my insurance about outpatient treatment. I can't do this by myself. I'm spiraling way out of control.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
Hi again Sinderos 
I'm glad your friend has gone and hopefully he can find somewhere else to go, when he gets back out. Sounds like he's caused enough problems 
Great idea to find out about outpatient treatment - and hope to see a lot more of you here on SR too
Hugs.
I'm glad your friend has gone and hopefully he can find somewhere else to go, when he gets back out. Sounds like he's caused enough problems 
Great idea to find out about outpatient treatment - and hope to see a lot more of you here on SR too
Hugs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
He didn't make me do the drugs. He really is a good person just an addict. We're feeding off of each other and it's creating major problems for both of us. I have to make the choice to help myself and get my stuff straight.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Where the Honey is
Posts: 728
Hello Sinderos. What happened to make you drink? Thats good you have decided to rid yourself of that person. You get weak from the stressors of life and having alcohol / drugs nearby makes it too easy. I am sorry that you drank. I know you feel bad about it. Buck up and mover forward. You are sober today!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
Originally Posted by Sinderos 
He didn't make me do the drugs. He really is a good person just an addict. We're feeding off of each other and it's creating major problems for both of us. I have to make the choice to help myself and get my stuff straight.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Sinderos
When I first started attending AA many years ago a man said this to me : "AA may not keep you sober, but it will ruin your drinking". Boy was he right. I believe the moment my addiction knew I was admitting I am an addict it began to fight like crazy. And morph, and become more sneaky. It simply does not want to die. It will do anything to survive. One would think, with all of the crazy-ness my drinking has brought me, quitting would be a no brainer. Well, not so much. My addiction is cunning baffling and powerful.
So where am I going with this? I believe your addiction has a very powerful hold on you. I sense you are smart....but all the brains in the world cannot keep me sober. I've tried that. I cannot out smart my addiction. It wins every. single. time.
The antidote to my addiction? Support, community, other addicts, complete and total honesty.....think about that last one. Complete. Honesty. It has taken me a long time to realize that I don't even understand honesty. I lie to myself, I manipulate everything and everyone. That kind of thinking is fuel for my addiction. When I am totally honest, my addiction cannot hide. If I can see it for what it is, I am taking that first step.
Anyway, don't know if this resonates at all. But one thing I've learned over the years is very few of us can do this alone. Yeah, some can. But most of us need a structured program. My drug was my higher power. I needed to replace that with a healthy, loving higher power.
Just some thoughts.....
When I first started attending AA many years ago a man said this to me : "AA may not keep you sober, but it will ruin your drinking". Boy was he right. I believe the moment my addiction knew I was admitting I am an addict it began to fight like crazy. And morph, and become more sneaky. It simply does not want to die. It will do anything to survive. One would think, with all of the crazy-ness my drinking has brought me, quitting would be a no brainer. Well, not so much. My addiction is cunning baffling and powerful.
So where am I going with this? I believe your addiction has a very powerful hold on you. I sense you are smart....but all the brains in the world cannot keep me sober. I've tried that. I cannot out smart my addiction. It wins every. single. time.
The antidote to my addiction? Support, community, other addicts, complete and total honesty.....think about that last one. Complete. Honesty. It has taken me a long time to realize that I don't even understand honesty. I lie to myself, I manipulate everything and everyone. That kind of thinking is fuel for my addiction. When I am totally honest, my addiction cannot hide. If I can see it for what it is, I am taking that first step.
Anyway, don't know if this resonates at all. But one thing I've learned over the years is very few of us can do this alone. Yeah, some can. But most of us need a structured program. My drug was my higher power. I needed to replace that with a healthy, loving higher power.
Just some thoughts.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
Frick I understand what you're saying. I am a smart person but I am a full blown alcoholic and I'm completely powerless. I know I can't do this alone. I've emailed my counselor to see if she has any recommedations for an outpatient program. Hopefully my insurance will cover it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
I hope you find something that works for you, Sinderos.
Your friend may be a good person, but he is toxic for you right now. Maybe, at some point, that will change, but for now focus on yourself and staying sober.
Your friend may be a good person, but he is toxic for you right now. Maybe, at some point, that will change, but for now focus on yourself and staying sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Leduc, Ab
Posts: 758
Glad your here Sinderos
You admitting your a full blown alcoholic and you are powerless is part of the 1st step. Once we take that 1st drink, the phenomenon of craving kicks in. It's the manifestation of a allergy we have. We've crossed the threshold somewhere along in our drinking careers and cannot drink like normal drinkers.
Whats been working for me
Going to lots of AA meetings, everyday..
Getting a sponsor and talking with him regularly
Lots of prayer
And committing on SR to stay sober each and every day.
Hang in there
You admitting your a full blown alcoholic and you are powerless is part of the 1st step. Once we take that 1st drink, the phenomenon of craving kicks in. It's the manifestation of a allergy we have. We've crossed the threshold somewhere along in our drinking careers and cannot drink like normal drinkers.
Whats been working for me
Going to lots of AA meetings, everyday..
Getting a sponsor and talking with him regularly
Lots of prayer
And committing on SR to stay sober each and every day.
Hang in there
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
One day I looked around and my house was full of people I would have never once have associated with.
That didn't happen overnight - it was a long slow decline.
don't be the frog Sinderos.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...dont-frog.html (Don't be the Frog)
Do something now.
D
That didn't happen overnight - it was a long slow decline.
don't be the frog Sinderos.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...dont-frog.html (Don't be the Frog)
Do something now.
D
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